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Neighbor issue

I have to admit I'm not very thrilled about my neighbor's character and his attitude towards my son. He has a son the same age as mine (9) and they got along until the neighbor called my son fat. When my husband confronted him he said he didn't mean it in that way it's just that he noticed my son had a "large appetite" when eating dinner with their family. I was pretty angry but I let my husband handle it. We let some time pass before he was allowed to go over there again. I know, I shouldn't have but my son really wanted to be friends with the neighbor kid. It wasn't long before my son informed me that the neighbor kid told him that his dad thinks my son is a cry baby because he got punched in the stomach by a 4 year old (that happens to live next door) and cried. Therefore, he doesn't really want my son at his house anymore. I wasn't there but just because the kid was 4 and my son 9 doesn't mean it didn't hurt him. Again, I bit my tongue although I really wanted to go over there and say something  but refrained because really it sounds petty after thinking about it. So I let it go. Now I won't allow my son to go there and the neighbor kid stopped coming around months ago. My son pleads with me to go to their house but I don't trust the guy so I have to tell my son no. However, they do play together when my son goes next door to play with the 4 year old (the one who punched my kid). My son and the neighbor kid have been enrolled in the same martial arts class for the last several months. Well, a lot of times the neighbor sends his kid to my house to ask me for a ride when he has to work late. I have given him one each time he's asked. However, I have noticed that when my son asks the neighbor kid to play outside he never wants to play with my son. He prefers playing with the little boy next door which I find odd since he's 5 years younger. Often time, my son is upset because he wasn't invited to play with them and then he mopes around feeling hurt. If he knocks and asks if he can join in a lot of times the lady allows him in but I also try to set boundaries since I don't know if she really wants him there or not. It's kind of hard to say no to a kid so she may feel like she has no choice. I have noticed though that even her kid stopped coming around by us so I don't know if the neighbor mentioned the name calling incident to her and sided with him. A lot of times these kids don't think twice to play with my son until one of them isn't available and they have nobody else to play with but my son. That's when they come around which is once in a blue moon. So, I was thinking why should I give the neighbor kid a ride if he doesn't care to be friends with my son and his Dad dislikes my son? The funny thing is his Dad doesn't know that his son snitched on him about calling my son a crybaby. I also think that if you're going to sign your child up for an after school activity then it's your responsibility to get them there...not anyone else. Most of the time the lady next door drives the neighbors' kids to school in the mornings as well as to the martial arts class but that's her choice. She is also great friends with them so I'm assuming she just does it to do the family a favor. But when she's not home then I do it. Since this guy is really rude to my son and his kid has no interest in ever coming out and playing with him should I feel obligated to drive him anywhere? I know it would sound awful if I  were to tell the kid no the next time he asked for a ride but then again their actions are pretty disrespectful towards my son. The kid has an older brother and a mother who can't drive but if it were me and I didn't drive I would walk 15 minutes to get my son to the class instead of having him ask people for a ride. Even if there was a neighbor with a kid in the same class, I'd still walk him. So, what would you do? Say no or give the kid a ride?
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Re: Neighbor issue

  • Honestly, I wouldn't punish the kid for having an asshole father.  You're going to the class anyhow, right?  Eh, I'd just take him.  I'd feel bad to say no.  It sounds like it's more the parents who are being jerks here than the kids themselves. And I'd bet it's more that the DAD tells his kid he can't come over to play than it is the kid not wanting to come. 

    But - if it really bothers you, then say "no".  You definitely don't owe them anything. 

    I will say, though, I don't see the big deal about a 9 year old playing w/ a 4 year old.  We have good friends whose son is 4 years older than DS (so 5 and 9).  They play GREAT together.  Their son is really sweet w/ DS and they have a nice friendship.  I think older kids playing and getting along w/ younger kids is actually a good skill to have.


  • This is a Catch 22.

    You don't want your son to lose a friend but you sure don't want the friend's father to treat your son like he's a little nobody.

    The neighbor kid with the nasty dad sounds like he sure can use a friend. I'll bet that kid's father is just as nasty to him and his sibling and probably also his wife/the kids' mother.  The buck doesn't stop at the neighborhood kids.
  • The kids not yours, his no longer friend with your son, I'd say no, if it were me. I feel no obligation to give the kid a ride, it's not mine. That's the parent's job.

    Also you have to think about your kid. Would your kid feel hurt if he sees you with the kid that doesn't like him? 
  • This is definitely a tough one, but I think if your son still wants to play with the other kid, you should let him. Obviously the comments haven't hurt him enough that he wants to stop being friends with the kid. You might just have to have an honest talk with him about the father, and make sure your son knows that he can tell you if the dad says anything rude. One of my best friends growing up had the creepiest dad I've ever met. We all just avoided him, told our parents about stuff he said, but still wanted to be friends with the girl. Often kids can realize when someone is a jerk and brush it off. Open it up for discussion with your son and see what he thinks! I feel like he's old enough to have some say, or at least express his feelings about the situation. Good luck.
    Sillygirl45
  • You're the one who won't let your kid over there. Of course they're not going to let their kid come to your house either. As far as not trusting the dad, that sounds a little extreme. I understand being hurt for your kid, but getting this riled up over a couple comments (second hand comments from another 9 year old at that) is a bit much.

    There was a girl in our neighborhood who's mom had to confront everyone for everything that happened to her daughter. It wasn't long before she had no friends because no ones parents wanted to deal with the mom. God forbid her kid get teased on your property, she would raise holy hell. Seriously, this girl had no friends until high school. I felt horrible for her, but I wasn't going to deal with her mother either.

    So, I wouldn't ban your son from their house. He's old enough to know if he does or doesn't want to be there (unless there are actual terrible things going on over there) and it sound sounds like he would tell you if anything odd were going on. Lighten up a little an realize kids need to learn to be disappointed, hurt, and sometimes even left out. It's part of life. Once the parents see your son is allowed at their house, it won't be long before their son will be coming to yours. 

    If the neighbor kid needs a ride and you don't have to go one step out of your way, just give the kid a ride. Your son obviously wants to be friends with him, and that may be his only "in". Otherwise he's going to be pretty lonely.

    Just let this all blow over. 

    CandaceLafleurGreco1014
  • So are you saying that if a neighbor called your kid fat and a crybaby you'd tell your kid to suck it up so he/she could fit in?? DO YOU HAVE KIDS??? And no, the neighbor kid snubs my son every single time he knocks on his door to come out and play. So my son has been allowed to go there ever since the second incident but the kid never plays with him and doesn't knock on our door. So whose telling their kid they can't play? If the dad is a jerk and his kid is a snob then I absolutely don't want to see him hurt and opposite like I have many times. I sure as hell don't want to feel obligated to give the kid a ride just because his dad sent him here and has never even said thank you.
  • JulienC said:
    So are you saying that if a neighbor called your kid fat and a crybaby you'd tell your kid to suck it up so he/she could fit in?? DO YOU HAVE KIDS??? And no, the neighbor kid snubs my son every single time he knocks on his door to come out and play. So my son has been allowed to go there ever since the second incident but the kid never plays with him and doesn't knock on our door. So whose telling their kid they can't play? If the dad is a jerk and his kid is a snob then I absolutely don't want to see him hurt and opposite like I have many times. I sure as hell don't want to feel obligated to give the kid a ride just because his dad sent him here and has never even said thank you.
    Yeah.... don't give the kid a ride. You have no obligation. It's not your kid. You are not responsible for that child. 
  • JulienC said:
    So are you saying that if a neighbor called your kid fat and a crybaby you'd tell your kid to suck it up so he/she could fit in?? DO YOU HAVE KIDS??? And no, the neighbor kid snubs my son every single time he knocks on his door to come out and play. So my son has been allowed to go there ever since the second incident but the kid never plays with him and doesn't knock on our door. So whose telling their kid they can't play? If the dad is a jerk and his kid is a snob then I absolutely don't want to see him hurt and opposite like I have many times. I sure as hell don't want to feel obligated to give the kid a ride just because his dad sent him here and has never even said thank you.
    Did you read your post? It said your son pleads to go over there and you tell him "no". It also says the kid is the one who said the dad called him a crybaby. Who knows what was really said. No one said to tell your kid to suck it up. You said he wanted to still be friends with the kid. From your update, it doesn't matter since the kid does to want to be friends with him.

    Look, if this is how you feel, what was the question? You think the kid is a snob and the dad is a jerk. Why would you give him a ride? You've made up your mind. 

  • You don't have to freak out at people after asking for our opinions. If you don't want to give the kid a ride, then don't! I don't understand why you needed to write such a huge post about it and then get mad at the responses. Of course you don't have to drive the neighbor's kid to class. And if his kid doesn't want to play with yours, then end of story.
  • Sillygirl45: My original post says why I don't let my child go there....because the kid never wants to play with him and plays with the kid next door. Then I had to restate than a second time since you failed to read it the first time. Yeah, my son still would like to play with the kid even now but like I said the kid snubs him so why would I allow him over there. When a kid is called FAT that's more than just a little name calling. In your original post you tried to tell me to lighten up and not get worked up over a couple of second hand comments. Well, as originally stated my husband took care of the first incident when he confronted the neighbor after he told my son he was FAT to his face but "didn't mean it that way." Let me ask you this, If someone called you FAT would you want to be around that person?? And you never answered my question, Do you even have kids?
    Leftie22: I'm not sure what YOU'RE freaking out about? I asked a question, didn't like someone's response, then you feel the need to tell me to quit freaking out? People come here to ask questions, to vent, as well as to bully others. I have seen enough of the responses on this forum to know that there are those who actually come here to help others out and there's those who come here to jump at anyone just because they can hide behind the computer and make the most rude comments. Why did you take the time to respond to my post if you thought it was too long and complete nonsense? Why waste your energy being negative? If you read the previous comments you would have seen I received enough input by others who gave me sound advise without the need to ridicule me. Why do people get so bent out of shape over a post? Better yet, why do people on here feel the need to tell people what they can or can't say.
  • JulienC said:
    Sillygirl45: My original post says why I don't let my child go there....because the kid never wants to play with him and plays with the kid next door. Then I had to restate than a second time since you failed to read it the first time. Yeah, my son still would like to play with the kid even now but like I said the kid snubs him so why would I allow him over there. When a kid is called FAT that's more than just a little name calling. In your original post you tried to tell me to lighten up and not get worked up over a couple of second hand comments. Well, as originally stated my husband took care of the first incident when he confronted the neighbor after he told my son he was FAT to his face but "didn't mean it that way." Let me ask you this, If someone called you FAT would you want to be around that person?? And you never answered my question, Do you even have kids?
    Leftie22: I'm not sure what YOU'RE freaking out about? I asked a question, didn't like someone's response, then you feel the need to tell me to quit freaking out? People come here to ask questions, to vent, as well as to bully others. I have seen enough of the responses on this forum to know that there are those who actually come here to help others out and there's those who come here to jump at anyone just because they can hide behind the computer and make the most rude comments. Why did you take the time to respond to my post if you thought it was too long and complete nonsense? Why waste your energy being negative? If you read the previous comments you would have seen I received enough input by others who gave me sound advise without the need to ridicule me. Why do people get so bent out of shape over a post? Better yet, why do people on here feel the need to tell people what they can or can't say.
    Well, now that I know for sure that this is you overreacting, I'll tell you what I really think. Initially I was giving you the benefit of the doubt.

    I'll tell you what probably happened. Your kid was at their house...was eating a lot...the dad made some comment about his appetite or weight...your kid took it as he called him fat (or he did come out and call him fat). Your kid tattled to you...you freaked out... your H went over there to confront the parent about what the parent probably thought was an off hand comment. So now the parent thinks your kid is a baby and you're nuts. The neighbors kid tells his dad your kid was hit in the gut by a 4 year old and started crying/went home crying, whatever it was. Dad says, "yeah, that kid is a kinda a crybaby. I don't really want you hanging out with him anymore, I'm not dealing with his parents every time something happens.".

    Now who do you think is responsible for all this? YOU. It all started with one little comment that could have been handled much more effectively. You are setting your son up to be a target. Bullies like it when they get a reaction. Your teaching him to play right into their hands with the example you're setting.

    Tell him people say crappy things sometimes and you're sure he didn't mean it to be cruel. Ask him if this happens often. Ask him if he is being teased by other people. Ask him how it makes him feel and why....Open a dialogue with your child about how to deal with this now and in the future. No hoopla, and the neighbors don't think your kid is a crybaby. I mean really, he is 9. It's time for some age appropriate problem solving. I'm sorry he's hurt over this, but if you don't see your part, this is only going to get worse. 

    Yes, I've been called fat, ugly, stupid etc... My parents taught me that I could handle it. That doesn't mean I don't/didn't get hurt feelings, but I have enough self worth to know someone calling me fat isn't the end of the world...because my parents taught me it wasn't the end of the world. 

    Hell, most the time I didn't even tell my parents if someone said something that hurt my feelings. They certainly didn't go running over to peoples houses to "deal with them" if I did.

    Maybe your neighbor is an asshole. You can't change that by confronting him. You can change how you and your son react to it and think about it. 

    This is two alleged comments, not some incessant bullying. Is FAT really the worst thing you can ever imagine your kid being called? Really? Is your kid fat? Is that the real issue here? If so, you need to deal with helping him to get healthy and raise his self esteem so one comment isn't going to affect him (well, you really) so drastically.

    If you only wanted opinions from people with kids, ask your friends with kids who will all agree with you. The point of these forums it to get different points of view. If you can't handle people disagreeing with you, don't ask.

    Now, I've written all this in hopes of helping you see that there is more than one way to deal with things. What is going to happen is you're going to say "Well. If you don't have kids you know NOTHING!" (Because you really like caps lock)...and you're going to ignore everything I've said. That's ok. But maybe...just maybe...the next time these two kids have an issue, you'll sit back, take a deep breath, and see what solution you can HELP your son come up with instead of flying off the handle and trying to control the situation for him.

    I have no doubt you love your son more than anything else and your desire to make sure he is happy and healthy is what is driving this, but the world doesn't work that way. You're going to have to give him some skills to cope himself or things are going to get ugly when he gets older.
  • My kid was called fat, you're obviously not a parent yet and when you do become one talk to me then because most people I've talked to look at me like I'm crazy for allowing him to still go there and interacting with the kid. My kid is NOT fat but not stick thin, not overweight just average. There's no point in discussing this with someone who supports a person who calls others fat and other names. I mean really what makes you think you can assume what happened when you weren't there? And really why are YOU overreacting over something that you clearly don't understand. My son was hurt by these comments. The first one was said to his face. It's the first thing he said to me when I picked him up. I didn't even ask him how everything went. So, he sat there and took it but decided to stay since he really liked playing with the kid.  If I was overreacting I would have gone next door and said something to the parents of the little boy who kicked him after the neighbor called him a crybaby but I didn't. I wasn't there when it happened and since my son didn't come home hurt then I figured it couldn't have been that bad. He and I talk and I'm very lucky that I have a son who feels he can express his feelings to me. I'd rather him not go your route when someone bullies him and have him keep  his feelings inside. I was raised that way and I was also called fat by relatives and my experience with that was bad enough to lead to severe bulimia well into adulthood. So, I have first hand experience with bullying and I wish I would have had parents who stuck up for me and wouldn't have allowed the comments my relatives made to me when I was his age. Does my son get his feelings hurt a lot? Yes!! Do I confront everyone? No! Actually, almost never. I barely interact with other parents, I keep to myself almost always. But when you invite my kid to your house the first week we move into the neighborhood (like my neighbor did) and ask if he can stay to watch TV and offer him food I expect you to treat him with respect. I'm still waiting for you to tell me if you have kids but judging from your comments you probably don't and if you ever do I fear what they will have to endure since it's obvious you will fail to defend them. They'll just have to suck it up I guess since that's what you did and everything turned out just great for you. Well, you're talking to a person who overcame bulimia at the age of 26.
  • And you're missing the whole point. I don't have an issue with the kid. I have an issue with the Dad and whatever he tells his kid. If he doesn't want my son there then why does he send his son here to ask for rides? I mean the guy didn't ask if it was ok with me and doesn't say thanks. He and I don't talk. Are you telling me your parents would have been ok with you hanging around an adult who called you fat? This is ok with you? I've told my son that he will have to learn who his true friends are and the ones who come around only when they have no one else to play with aren't really his friends.
  • First and foremost, I am a parent, so please do not try to deflect any contradictory positions to my "lack of understanding".  It just means that anything I am about to say that counters your views is just that, something that counters YOUR views.  That does not mean that my views are wrong or right or more wrong or more right...they are just different. 

    And that sometimes different may be the way to go, especially if your way is not working or if there are more people (people who do not know you or are tied to your family) weigh in against you.  

    http://www.babble.com/toddler/helicopter-parents-free-range-kids-safety/

    I think you (the OP) need to find a middle ground here. 

    While I do think that the Father was out of line in commenting about your son's appearance or appetite (that is just bad manners), I DO believe that due to your past issues with your family and self-esteem, you are putting more weight on this ONE comment by ONE person towards your son.  

    And because you were hypersensitive towards this Father and Son, you have immediately jumped to a huge conclusion about a third-hand conversation you are hearing about from the other 9yo child.  

    What most of the other posters are saying here, is that until you actually TALK TO THE OTHER PARENTS, you have no idea what is actually going on here.  YOU are making a ton of assumptions.  

    And to be honest, given your own comment that you keep to yourself almost always, I have to question you ability to make "reasonable" deductions.  

    Yes, I do believe that it is out job as parents to stand up for our children.  But sometimes standing up for ourselves is learning to be the stronger person (not the "turn the other cheek" person) but the self-confident, outgoing, roll with the punches person.  

    And that is not going to happen for your son if you keep taking away opportunities to be that stronger person.  

    Given the fact that this other child has made it abundantly clear that he does not really want to play with your son outside of class, you are right to end their play dates.  But how you do that, is key.  

    But allowing that child to ride with you in the car to practice IS the perfect opportunity to teach your child - and this other child - about grace, strength of character and maybe just maybe friendship.  

    I hope that you read this and take what I am saying to heart. 

    [IMG]http://i633.photobucket.com/albums/uu52/Iluminespics/IMG_4759.jpg[/IMG]
    Sillygirl45
  • Clearly you didn't actually read and comprehend my post (didn't really think you would) since none of what you stated it said was anywhere in there. But, maybe someone else will actually read my advice and find a helpful perspective. Maybe not. 

    What I won't do is trade insults/poor me stories/ or defend why I have the nerve to think I have a valid voice when I (gasp!) don't have kids! My lord! I forgot people without kids don't count. 

    As I've said before on here, if you don't like my advice, don't take it. 
  • Ilumine, thanks for your response, I can respect that. I find the kid rude and the father an ass. I've always been nice to them and I did find middle ground just by keeping my mouth shut and doing them a favor. There's no point in wasting my breath with the guy so I decided to go ahead and tell the neighbor I will not give his kid a ride anymore. It doesn't matter what he thinks, it's my choice. And if he thinks I'm nuts then so be it but it can't sound any crazier than his own comments. I feel he is trying to take advantage of me and really I'd rather just not deal with him anymore. If the kids wanted to play together I'd welcome it but only if they played outside. I really would rather just not let my kid into anyone's home because you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
    Sillygirl45- I don't think you're comprehending my posts any better than I am yours. Please just stop making comments and pretending as if you're not trading insults. Just stop it. I'm done communicating about this subject with you. Everyone else, thank you.
  • Oh wow, you're THAT mom. Got it. 

    PP's have given you some fantastic advice but you've jumped all over them. Awesome. Maybe you should send your husband over to 'deal with them'?
    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
    R.Wilsonny
  • Oh wow, you're THAT mom. Got it. 

    PP's have given you some fantastic advice but you've jumped all over them. Awesome. Maybe you should send your husband over to 'deal with them'?

    this is where I am now. Wow.
  • The line about not wanting to let her kid over anyone's house because, as she put it, 'you never know what goes on behind closed doors', I have to laugh at. OP, I understand wanting to protect your kid, but if that's your attitude, then your kid is going to grow up with a world of problems caused by none other than you.
  • OP, really, you need some outside perspective. 

    It's not helpful that you have nothing to do with other parents. It's not helpful that you won't let your son ever go to anyone's house because "you never know what's going on". The real issue is your insecurities. I know this because it would be mine. I'm not so terrible. I'm just a person like you, damaged by their childhood, just like everyone else.

    But really, I'm not a horrible bitch (well hell, maybe I am, that's up to you to decide). I am someone who tends to joke instead of confronting things. You seem to jump to conclusions instead of thinking them through. Two sides of the same coin, really. As I said before, your love for your son is not in question, your methods may be a little bit much. I would never side with bullies and I certainly see your point with your neighbors. The thing is, you have to live with them for a long time. The less friction, the better. 

    When I was about your sons age my neighbor gave me a perm. I hated it. I told my friend (her daughter) that my dad said her mom better fix it. That was a lie. My dad told me I wanted the perm... I needed to deal with it and it would grow out. It could have become a huge issue, but it didn't because both parents knew there was only a grain of truth in each story. 

    If you want real advice...I would go over to the neighbor and say "hey, I'm sorry we started off on the wrong foot, my son really likes hanging out with yours and since they are in the same after school class, we should carpool." If he's a dick after that, you offer the olive branch, you tried. 
  • Honestly it looks like you over reacted to some stuff, and not to others. I can tell you probably over react to comments a lot in person just the way you have reacted to people trying to give you advice you asked for. 

    I kinda think your kid is a cry baby too, if he's 9 and cried about being hit by a 4 year old. However, I see you put in martial arts class, so maybe you are trying to help him toughen up, good call. 

    And to the original question, no, I would not take the snot nosed neighbor kid, especially if he's rude to your child. Just tell him no. Or if you don't want to see a kid depressed because he can't get a ride, just don't answer the door, that's what I would do. Or, maybe leave a little earlier than usual so you're not even there for him to ask. 

    If the other dad asks why you've said no, you can be honest and say because of the way he and his child treat your son. 
  • Look, I don't get how Sillygirl45 can come out and say that if someone is called fat they are possibly fat and maybe the parent should do something about it. I'm sorry Sillygirl45 but you have come to the wrong conclusion and it is wrong for you to say that and to turn this around on me and blame the whole scenario on me when I'm not the one who made disrespectful remarks to a kid. I don't know how 2013gj can assume my son is a crybaby and give an honest opinion when you don't know my son. You're both pretty much sticking up for the neighbor and assuming he did nothing wrong by telling my son he was fat to his face. It seems a lot of people are overreacting themselves but are so intent on proving me wrong that they don't realize the offensive remarks they are leaving. Who is being a bully here? If I don't agree with you it's ok, you can move on with your life and give others advise. NOBODY IS GETTING PAID TO GIVE ADVISE ON HERE so quit acting as if it's your day job and people are obligated to take your advise. I've lurked on here for years and it's always the same thing. If the poster tries to defend themselves almost everyone jumps them as if they have no right to. And if they delete their post, oh no, then someone else reposts what was deleted and people join in on shaming the original person who deleted their post. You can't say I'm wrong leave snarky remarks and expect me to take your advise.

     If the neighbor doesn't want my son at his house because he was a crybaby when kicked by a 4 year old that's fine but he should have told me that to my face. Instead I heard it from his kid when I asked him directly (after he told my son that) if his dad said that and he said yes but he said that he doesn't know why his dad is mean like that. So it's not a secondhand remark, it came straight from his kid. My question to everybody is why would you allow your child to hang around an ADULT MAN who has no respect for a child? That is what this is all about. How can you deem me as the unreasonable parent who is overreacting?? There are plenty of kids who get molested and they don't tell their parents because either they're scared or they don't want to get someone they know in trouble. This guy has given me reason enough not to TRUST him around my son. And what I failed to mention is that I suspect alcohol was involved when he behaves this way because it was obvious to me that his speech was slurred when I picked up my son and his family used to invite us over to drink but we declined. However, they drink all the time. The lady next door comes home drunk all the time after leaving their place. We live in a military community (duplex homes), we can hear everything from our bedroom window, that's how close we all live to each other. She is clearly drunk and very loud. So, I'd rather not have my kid around a man who runs his mouth while drinking. So, can every single person who has defended Sillygirl45 who also happen to have precious babies on their profiles HONESTLY tell me they would be OK with sending their kid to a house where you never know what the ADULT will say? Or when your little girl is all of 8 years old and comes home upset an adult told her she was fat, are you going to tell her it's ok the guy didn't mean it that way so keep on going back to play there. Sillygirl45 you asked me if FAT is the worst thing a neighbor can say to my kid and after thinking about it I do think it's up there. What else can he say that's worst? Should I wait until he tells my son he's stupid or gay or let his son tell my son that? Or should I wait until something worst happens because the neighbor thinks I'm a pushover and he can go ahead and violate my son? Really as a parent it's your job to look for red flags and this guy has certainly raised some for me. My son has friends at school and there are plenty of his classmates who have said pretty mean stuff to him but I don't get into it because I'm not going to defend him for every little thing. He knows he has to handle almost everything on his own. He doesn't come home and cry everyday. He tells me things when he and I casually talk at night. Most of the time they are things that happened a few weeks prior but just remembered to mention it. My response is shrugging my shoulders and telling him kids can be rude but just to make sure he doesn't do the same thing. Like I said I've already told the neighbor I don't want to give his kid rides anymore and I think he knows why. Nothing has changed. Our kids just don't play together as usual and he has no reason to come here. Also, his kid never looked comfortable even asking for a ride because it was his dad forcing him to ask me. He may have taken the ride but clearly he wasn't comfortable so I'm not sure why the dad forced it.
  • You're going to teach your child...in 2014...that being called gay is offensive? That is so sad.

    There is no getting through to you. If you want to judge and hate, that's what you're going to do. 
  • Really then Sillygirl45 what would you consider the worst thing someone can say to a child? And calling someone fat and crybaby and telling your kid to stop bringing another child to your home because he cried isn't judging or hating? I find your advise pretty silly. Do you not watch the news and hear about kids committing suicide because they are gay and were CALLED gay and the bullying was too much to bear? Or the ones who are labeled gay and aren't gay who commit suicide. Are you the type who will tell parents that have dead children that it's their kids own fault they are dead because they allowed the names to get to them? That's what you are are implying here.There are plenty of parents who go to school to try to stick up for their children but sadly it isn't enough. I'm sure you can simply go online and read plenty of suicide stories. I think you are the one judging and hating. I'm trying to teach my son what is acceptable and what is not. An adult picking on a kid is unacceptable, period. I fear what you will force your own child to go through because clearly he/she won't be able to turn to you. If I would have posted something saying I called someone kids fat and a crybaby then everyone would jump on me. Funny how when it's turned around people don't fault the neighbor they fault me. Good luck to all of you who take his side, your kids will appreciate it if they ever have to rely on you to defend them.
  • I hate to tell you this but yes to most kids being called gay is the worst thing someone can say to you, even in 2014. It takes time to develop thick skin. There are celebrities who are still in the closet. So if being gay isn't so bad in 2014 then why hasn't everyone announced their sexuality. Celebrities speak out about how hurtful it is to hear people gossip about their weight. Well if it bothers them then why wouldn't it bother a kid?
  • JFC.  No one is telling you that you're WRONG nor are they defending the dad.

     

    There are two points people are trying to make:

    1- your getting some of this from a KID.  Kids lie, kids misspeak.  This:

    "Instead I heard it from his kid when I asked him directly (after he told my son that) if his dad said that and he said yes but he said that he doesn't know why his dad is mean like that. So it's not a secondhand remark, it came straight from his kid."

    That is the DEFINITION of a secondhand remark!!!!  Just because it came from his KID is moot. You didn't hear the DAD make that comment, so therefore it's a SECONDhand remark.  It came from a second person. 

    2 - And there are 2 sides to every story.  we're only hearing yours, and I think you're only seeing what YOU want to see.  You keep coming back w/ more reasons why this guy is a douche.  

     

    O.k.- so fine, if he REALLY is that big of an ass, then just draw the line and have nothing to do w/ him or his kid.

    But w/ some of what you're telling us- from an OUTSIDERS perspective (which we all assume you want since you came here) is that there might be more to what is going on that what you've heard from the KIDS. 

    You're so deep in this that you can't see it any other way.  And if you want to pitch another fit and tell us how we're all wrong, then have at it.  it's your life, your kid, your neighbor.  we have absolutely no stake in this at all.

     

    ALL we're trying to do is point out that the situation may not be quite as black and white as you seem to believe it is.  This doesn't mean let your kid play w/ his kid or give his kid a ride.  It ONLY means that things may not be 100% as YOU think they are. 

     

    And again- KIDS really aren't the people to put ALL your belief in.  Whether they lie, or mis interpret, or....  whatever - to put all your eggs in the basket of "but that's what his KID said he said!" doesn't paint  YOU in a reasonable picture.  

    TofumonkeyR.WilsonnySillygirl45moonprincessd
  • What we are also seeing is that if you are overreacting so badly to THIS, then you probably overreacted to that as well. Take a good look at how you are making these situations worse than they need to be - you'll be much happier once you sort that out in everything, not just this.
    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
    R.WilsonnyVORSillygirl45
  • Your post is about one or two comments. Not horrifying, relentless bullying. What you are trying to do is draw a parallel that doesn't exist.

    There is no word or phrase anyone could call me or someone I love that would cause me to react the way you have. Bullying to the extreme is a completely different situation than you are in and my advice would be quite different if that were the case.

    In your previous response your neighbor has gone from a jerk to an alcoholic and possibly a child molester. Every response has some nonsensical escalation of "what ifs". You have me telling parents of suicide victims it is their own fault. What the fuck?!

    I am seriously beginning to think you are at least a little unbalanced.

    I will go ahead and bow out if your little thread now before you decide I am the anti Christ, planned 9-11, and likely pinch babies.
    R.Wilsonny
  • In your previous response your neighbor has gone from a jerk to an alcoholic and possibly a child molester. Every response has some nonsensical escalation of "what ifs". You have me telling parents of suicide victims it is their own fault. What the fuck?!
     
    I am seriously beginning to think you are at least a little unbalanced.


    Yes, so very much all of this.  This is what had me doing a double take as I was reading this thread.  First it's "he said __ about my kid", now he's an alcoholic, possible child molester.

    Erm.... o.k..

     

    And I didn't get into this before, but I'll say it now - I REALLY hate the "are you a parent?" crap.  Parenting isn't rocket science.  People who don't have kids might actually still know a thing or two about kids.  Yes, there are aspects of parenting that you can't fully understand until you become one, but the general concept of dealing w/ kids, understanding kids, etc, isn't some secret that only parents know.  

    I have a good friend who is the aunt to 4 nephews.  2 of them in particular, she spends a LOT of time with - like watches them for entire weekends.  I absolutely take her opinion into account and I feel she has very good insight into the nature of kids.  Especially boys! 

    I can't ever imagine telling her "you don't understand, you aren't a parent". 

    R.Wilsonnymoonprincessd
  • Sillygirl45 everything was fine until you started telling me this is all my fault. You seem pretty unbalanced yourself for trying to respond to something you don't understand. Shit your going bat shit crazy because I won't take your advise and then you're saying I am calling the neighbor a child molester. Ummm...no that's was just an example I used of how things can escalate to that when a child is too afraid to say something out of fear. You knew that. You are trying really hard here to make me out to be the bad person. And pretty much everytime you comeback to post something new you accuse me of saying something I didn't. Nothing anyone says to you could make you react the way I have? Well honey, you are acting out pretty bad on this board to prove your pointless point to me and give me your heartless advise.
    VOR, are you buddy buddy with Sillygirl45? Anyone whose posted after her sure is sticking together and making snarky comments by the minute trying to add fuel to the fire. Sure, I do believe there are people out there that are good with kids that aren't parents yet but Sillygirl45 doesn't seem to be one of those. She's been trying to give me her silly opinion and sadly no matter how hard she tries I won't take it. I really like moonprincissd's advise. She's right, he's not my kid nor my responsibility and he's not friends with my son so I shouldn't give the kid a ride. anymore. Period. And I don't know what you are all talking about but the only place I have overreacted is on here. My husband only talked to the neighbor once and all he told him is he can't talk to a little kid like that. But he did that because my son was upset. I've spoken to the guy maybe 3 times and nothing more than a "hi, is my son there." I have never had an argument with any of my son's friends parents. Like I said I keep to myself, he's been picked on before and I stay out of it. I've even told him myself he can't let things get to him and he needs to toughen up. But I don't trust my son being around the neighbor. He's an ass and I simply don't trust him. He has the right to say whatever he wants in his home which is where my son was at the time so it's best he just doesn't go there. He has other friends, so does the neighbor kid and I'm not going to force a friendship.
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