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Husband's friendship with ex(girlfriend and co-worker)

My husband and his friend (a guy he works with stays at our house often..) went the other night to take a girl he once dated, and then worked with for almost the whole first year we were married (We're almost to the 2 year mark..) back to her fathers after her boyfriend, that she chose to live with, was being hateful to her. First off, they left at 2:45, and then got back at 5:45. Why did it take them 3 hours to go on a 5 minute ride to town to get her, and then a 20 minute(maxed out) ride to take her home? Okay, the parent wanted to thank you? Another 10-15 minutes. 
Second, the girl is now CALLING him the next morning. Wanting to hang out. I found messages ON MY PHONE, where he uses Facebook off of my phone, to her calling her baby, and saying that he cant talk on the phone right now.. and things such as this. While she is telling him she has always loved him and crap.
Third, he goes,with his friend who stayed here, to get lunch that afternoon, and we live literally 5-10 minutes from town. He didn't come back for 2 hours. and when I asked where all he went, the reply was "around". 
Fourth, last night we got a call on our phone from some number i had never seen before, he answers it and walks away from me, in front of our friends walks outside and doesn't say anything to me. When he came back, I asked who it was and he says the girls name. That she wanted to talk for a minute, and her dad wanted to thank him. He was out there for an HOUR. 
How am I supposed to take this? What am I supposed to do now? Do I confront him about it, and cause myself even more pain? Or do I tell her to back off? 

Re: Husband's friendship with ex(girlfriend and co-worker)

  • Keep your eyes and ears open.  Something fishy is going on.

    No, don't tell her anything.  That is pointless.  If HE wants to talk to her, he will find a way.  
    R.WilsonnyTarponMonoxide
  • edited January 2014
    buhherfly said:
    My husband and his friend (a guy he works with stays at our house often..) went the other night to take a girl he once dated, and then worked with for almost the whole first year we were married (We're almost to the 2 year mark..) back to her fathers after her boyfriend, that she chose to live with, was being hateful to her.

    First off, they left at 2:45, and then got back at 5:45. Why did it take them 3 hours to go on a 5 minute ride to town to get her, and then a 20 minute(maxed out) ride to take her home? Okay, the parent wanted to thank you? Another 10-15 minutes.

    Second, the girl is now CALLING him the next morning. Wanting to hang out. I found messages ON MY PHONE, where he uses Facebook off of my phone, to her calling her baby, and saying that he cant talk on the phone right now.. and things such as this. While she is telling him she has always loved him and crap.

    This "friendship" needs to end.

    She sound a bit loopy and "out there." When she got too close, your H needed to tell her  "I am sorry, Mary, but our friendship is over. I do not like your line of thinking; I am now a married man and I love my wife and my place is with her. Your behavior is not appropriate."

    And nothing more said. He needs to change his cell phone number, email address, etc so she no longer can reach him.

    Very doubtful he will can this "friendship." he's got no business associating with her.

    She is also not to be permitted to "hang out": with your H. He needs to make that clear. If she's got a friendship with his guy friend, the guy friend needs to know she is NOT WELCOME in your H's company or at the home you share with  your H.

    Third, he goes,with his friend who stayed here, to get lunch that afternoon, and we live literally 5-10 minutes from town. He didn't come back for 2 hours. and when I asked where all he went, the reply was "around".

    "Around?" Really?

    Don't stand for this garbage; something is rotten in Denmark.

    Fourth, last night we got a call on our phone from some number i had never seen before, he answers it and walks away from me, in front of our friends walks outside and doesn't say anything to me. When he came back, I asked who it was and he says the girls name. That she wanted to talk for a minute, and her dad wanted to thank him. He was out there for an HOUR.

    Nope; this friendship needs to end and that is that.


    How am I supposed to take this? What am I supposed to do now? Do I confront him about it, and cause myself even more pain? Or do I tell her to back off? 
      The worm is in the apple -- and consider showing your H the door. He's already got a roving eye. If it isn't "Mary" he roves with, then you can bet it will be with some other woman.

    The news is not good: It is very likely your H never got over her.

    Take a stand on this; consider showing him out the door.

    And PS: Stop running a USO, Boys and Girls Club, teen center and flop house for these "friends" of his. Why should you be the entertainment committee for every single one of these "friends" your H has???
    R.Wilsonnyjlp41704
  • Don't talk to the girl, it's your husband who is being inappropriate and sneaky. Sit down and tell him that you want to know what's going on. Tell him why you're suspicious. If you don't like the answer or suspect he isn't telling you the truth, you'll have to take it from there. But this doesn't sound like innocent behavior to me. And the girl could have called a taxi to get home.
    R.WilsonnyTarponMonoxidedoeydo
  • I second pp's, don't talk to the girl. Your H on the other hand is obviously up to no good. It's up to you how you handle it.
  • edited February 2014
    I second pp's, don't talk to the girl. Your H on the other hand is obviously up to no good. It's up to you how you handle it.
    It could also get pretty dicey. I wouldn't do it --- suppose it gets heated and more?

    And even if you do talk to her?

    Won't help.

    She's not gonna run for the hills and cut out any type of contact with him.

    What is worrisome here: if not "Mary" then he will do the same thing with somebody else.  He's already thinking of physically cheating and wow, who knows if she hasn't been physical with him already?
    doeydo
  • Honestly, I would leave him.  If he hasn't physically cheated by now, at the very least he is thinking about it/wants to with this girl.
    image
    TarponMonoxide
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