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DD'd - Sorry!

TrixeetrixTrixeetrix member
Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
edited September 2013 in Family Matters
Happy Monday!

Re: DD'd - Sorry!

  • I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your brother.  If he isn't speaking with you then maybe try an email explaining your views.  I'm also very close to my brother and went through a similar situation with a girl that he was actually engaged to.  It took some time and multiple conversations before he finally saw what everyone else was seeing.  Eventually he kicked her to the curb but it wasn't easy for anyone.  

    Good luck with everything.  Hopefully he sees the light sooner rather than later!
  • This is a lesson learned.  As soon as she started on the attacks, it would have been best if you got up and left.

    This is my advice.  Tread lightly.  Wait a few weeks and then maybe send an email asking how he is doing.  Don't attack her, just ask how he is doing.

    I have a feeling he is with this girl because he is lonely and perhaps a bit desperate. 

    I was in a similar situation with a friend.  I knew she was in an unhealthy relationship because she had low self esteem, so I began to build her up and give her the encouragement that I doubt she got from him.  Eventually, I began to ask her hard questions like if this is what she truly wanted for her future and if this deep down the kind of man she wanted to build a life with and have a family with.  It took time, but I knew she was thinking about what I said and eventually she did break up with him.  She is now married to a wonderful man. 

  • Thanks cupcake!  I think he is so blinded right now and she's so "upset that he let me talk to her like that" that anything I say will be viewed as b*tchy.  Maybe I will try emailing him.  Chances are he will show her the email but at this point I let the cat out of the bag with my feelings towards her so I have nothing more to lose.
  • Besides the screaming match you really don't mention specific behavior that is so terrible. So, she's a picky eater and in your opinion rude. Maybe she's just blunt. IDK, nothing screams horrible wench that is brainwashing your brother. You may not have said anything mean but I am sure your dislike was obvious through other cues. 

    Sounds like you have different personalities and already made up your mind about her before the trip. You should not have gone. I have a SIL that I do not get along with, I would never go on a trip with her, ever. I made her cry when she stayed at my house for 1 night and no I wasn't mean she's insane and everyone knows it.  

    Now as for the fight, it should not have happened and her wanting to fight you is ridiculous. BUT you were equally involved and did not handle the situation well. I think you both need to apologize. You need to remember that this is his life and this girl could end up in your family. You can be nice and friendly without liking her, she can destroy their relationship without help from you. Don't let someone insult you but you can walk away and have limited contact. Also, no emails, he can show them to her which would not be helpful. Some things do not come across well in writing. 
    image Nicholas loved for 28 weeks, 4/11/10
    Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
    Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
  • I have a feeling he is with this girl because he is lonely and perhaps a bit desperate. 

    This is 100% the case.  This is his 1st girlfriend and he had a hard time finding someone.  He faced a lot of rejection on the way.

  • Tiffany - You are right I should not have gone looking back.  But I went with the intention of getting to know her better and thinking that maybe spending more time with her would help us find something to like about her.

  • Thank you all for your wonderful advice.  I greatly appreciate it and I am sorry to DD but I don't know who is lurking here.
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