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Vent...b-i-l

So about 3 years ago, hubster's younger brother was living with us. I was the only one working, so I paid all the housing bills. The deal was either b-i-l gets a job and helps pay the bills, or go to college full-time and we'll take care of everything at home. He did neither. There were allll kinds of other issues, and I made hubster kick him out after about 4 months.

So, flash foward to now. I'm deployed, hubster moved back to his hometown for while I'm gone, and I'm paying for his rent (no issue there). Last month, b-i-l moved in, without hubster discussing it with me first. I am not at all psyched that I am AGAIN paying for this kid's life (he's matured a little and is supposedly waiting for a dorm room to open up, but I'm not buying it).

Hubster's lease is up at the end of the month and he moves back to my duty station. Can't wait to drop his b-i-l's dead weight.

Re: Vent...b-i-l

  • If BIL in school FT?  If so I'd assume your H would think you were fine with it since that was the rule last time around.

    I'd be venting about my H making decisions without asking me, not about my BIL being useless.

    Does your husband not work?  Why are you still paying all the bills?
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  • Hubster wasn't working the first time b-i-l lived with us, because I keep getting stationed at places with horrible civilian employment oportunities. He's working now since he's in a realy city, but I pay the rent. He takes care of the other stuff.

    I'm mainly not psyched because of the other crap his brother did while living with us, which I'm not going to post on here. I don't like that negative energy in my home, even though currently it's a home I'll never set foot in.

  • hubster? 

    Anyhow.  You'd be paying rent either way, so at least it's not extra $$ out of your pocket.

    BUT the real issue here is that your DH did this w/o telling you.  That's not ok. and you and he need to have a serious talk about that.  The rule last time doesn't really apply here.  New situation, things have changed.

    Your DH also needs to realize that running to his brothers aid over and over may not be doing his brother any favors.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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    RunBooRun
  • Stop saying Hubster, it's hard to take you seriously.

    Is your H working?
  • Agree with PPs, this is an issue with your husband. After the 1st incident he should have had the sense to discuss this with you ahead of time. I think you need to re-assign the blame to your husband here and have a serious chat about this so the issue doesn't resurface.
  • I'm not sure what the question is and get past "hubster".
    PrincessVeganRunBooRun
  • I will call him hubster if I want. Since that somehow bothers some of you, get over it. I deal with enough acronyms on a daily basis; I'm not going to reduce him to one as well.

    And I'm not going to assign blame to him. I'm not assigning blame to anyone. As the title said, this was just a vent. There's no way I'd tell him to kick his brother out unless he acted stupid again, and there's no way I would've said no even if he had asked beforehand.

    And for the second time, yes, hubster is working.

    PrincessVegan
  • Why not just say husband ?
    Sillygirl45
  • Well, the situation does suck, but I don't get why you won't "assign blame" to your DH. You're not happy that BIL is mooching off you again, and the only reason he is able to do that is because your DH let him. So I'm not sure why you're venting about your BIL. You and your DH need to get on the same page about not enabling lazy family members!
  • I don't give advice to someone who wants to sound like a 16 year old.

    /gravel
  • You may call him whatever you want. However, if you want to sound like a douchbag frat boy and reduce him to a ridiculous nickname ("There's the Hubster!!!), we have every right to tell you that you sound ridiculous and it makes your post impossible to take seriously. I just hope you don't call him that in real life. If so, well, you'll figure it out eventually.
    RunBooRun
  • Lol.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • I do call him hubster in "real" life. I also enjoy a little levity in my relationship, especially considering I'm under extremely stressful conditions at the moment.

    @MLE2010, that's cool, because I wouldn't want advice from someone who can't comprehend what she reads. Again, this was a VENT. Not looking for advice. There are a lot of things going on in our lives that this really is just insignificant; I just wanted to anonymously blow off some steam. Hence the term "vent."
  • Sillygirl45Sillygirl45 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    I do call him hubster in "real" life
    Well, in that case, when people look at you funny, it's not because they think it's cute. 
    On a serious note, I'm assuming you are military. I do want to thank you for you service to our country and I wish you the best.
  • If I'm having a serious conversation, I call him my husband. That would just be silly talking to my boss and saying something like "Hubster has an appointment I need to go with him to." But I enjoy not being serious when I don't have to. Game face only comes out when the game's on.

    And thank you, @Sillygirl45. I'll be home in about a month. Can't wait!

  • I also want to say thank you for your service!! You are a hero! Stay safe!
    JemmaWRX
  • arhalbert said:

    I do call him hubster in "real" life. I also enjoy a little levity in my relationship, especially considering I'm under extremely stressful conditions at the moment.


    @MLE2010, that's cool, because I wouldn't want advice from someone who can't comprehend what she reads. Again, this was a VENT. Not looking for advice. There are a lot of things going on in our lives that this really is just insignificant; I just wanted to anonymously blow off some steam. Hence the term "vent."
    You don't get how the Internet works, do you? LOL



  • @TML13, thank you. I'm not a hero though. Just doing my job :)

  • @MLE2010, no, I don't, it's my first day.
  • arhalbert said:

    I will call him hubster if I want. Since that somehow bothers some of you, get over it. I deal with enough acronyms on a daily basis; I'm not going to reduce him to one as well.

    And I'm not going to assign blame to him. I'm not assigning blame to anyone. As the title said, this was just a vent. There's no way I'd tell him to kick his brother out unless he acted stupid again, and there's no way I would've said no even if he had asked beforehand.

    And for the second time, yes, hubster is working.

    This isn't really a place for venting. This is a forum. Which means people will comment on what you post. You can't control what people will post about.

    PPs are saying that your real issue is with your H since he didn't ask you before doing this. So, yes, the blame is totally on your H.
    image image
  • That would piss me off as well.  I would not want to help someone if they weren't trying to help themselves.  I think your husband was wrong to not discuss this situation with you first, especially since you are paying the rent.  
    Just hang in there for the next month!  Best of luck to you.

  • This thread got really funny.  My poor H, reduced to an acronym...
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    MLE2010mimiphin
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