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My Mother in Law woes

My MIL hates me for not wanting kids and everything inbetween. I thought as much prior to our wedding but it became crystal clear the day of our wedding, and even in our wedding photos. I invited my MIL to be a part of wedding planning in hopes we could bond but it just ended in her saying "we'll...it's not my style" and that her daughters wedding was perfect. It was very uncomfortable, but I cheerfully pushed through. The weekend of the wedding she avoided me like the plague and hunkered down at a table for the rehersal and reception and only left it for drinks. She just talked about her daughter and never mentioned her son or I. She missed our first dance since she was busy with hr daughter and son in law and table. I saw this all happening but thought, "maybe I'm just miss reading it". However at the brunch I was informed that I was not the only one who saw this. I felt horrible! We just also got pictures back and in every candid photo she has the most angry look at me and so does her daughter. She also has a habit of getting me alone and cornering me to tell me that I have to do this or that, it's very scary. I don't know what to do! Help?

Re: My Mother in Law woes

  • Let the wedding stuff go, the worst you will see people are at weddings, when a baby is born and funerals. Let it go.

    As to her cornering you, next time put your hands up in front of you and start talking very loudly. No matter what the subject is. NO MIL we aren't having children, talk to your SON!! I need to use the ladies room, NOW.
    CnmHcatrina_R_LRoxielove 24
  • edited September 2013
    My MIL hates me for not wanting kids and everything in between

    How did she find out you and your H do not want a family? Did you tell her?

    Or did the word somehow get out, as in via your H? (If it was not okay to tell her and he told her, HE is the problem here, not her, in this instance)

    . I thought as much prior to our wedding but it became crystal clear the day of our wedding, and even in our wedding photos. I invited my MIL to be a part of wedding planning in hopes we could bond but it just ended in her saying "we'll...it's not my style" and that her daughters wedding was perfect. It was very uncomfortable, but I cheerfully pushed through. The weekend of the wedding she avoided me like the plague and hunkered down at a table for the rehersal and reception and only left it for drinks. She just talked about her daughter and never mentioned her son or I. She missed our first dance since she was busy with hr daughter and son in law and table. I saw this all happening but thought, "maybe I'm just miss reading it". However at the brunch I was informed that I was not the only one who saw this. I felt horrible! We just also got pictures back and in every candid photo she has the most angry look at me and so does her daughter. She also has a habit of getting me alone and cornering me to tell me that I have to do this or that, it's very scary. I don't know what to do! Help?
    Let the rest of this go. The rest of this soiunds like trite nonsense on her end.

    And as for her cornering you?

    You tell her this exactly:

    "Buzz off and go the hell away. NOTHING  is open for discussion with YOU and if you do not like it, piss off."

    And let her call the cops, the feds, the Attorney General, the Supreme Court and whoever else she wants to whine to, in reply to your comment above.

    I am serious: you tell her to shove off. Stick up for yourself. Don't be a wimp, a patsy or her footstool.

    And another thing:

    Your H needs to step up and take your side. I don't see any evidence he is doing so, so you have 3 problems:

    The biggest one being your H, since he is supposed to be an adult and a team with you
    The second one is you: STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS
    THe third one is HER: you need to put her in her place.

    Stand for none of her divisive nonsense. GL.
    beckerkoszarek
  • And PS:

    Put none of her photos in the album.

    If you really want to get a good laugh and bust her balls, do this:

    Get every single photo where she is pouting, ticked off, looks like she ate last week's sushi for dinner, is flying the flag, has something stuffed up her netherregion, etc...

    Get 'em all, including those submitted by the guests.,..

    Get as many as you can. A few hundred is nice.

    And go to Shutterfly and make up a "mother's photo album" with NOTHING but her pissy face fotos IN THEM.

    Crop all the photos before hand and make sure ONLY her making a face is in the photo.

    This album will be "her" mother's album. A gift to her, at no charge of course.:)

    That'll take the wind out of her overblown sails before you can say so much as "Everyone say 'Cheese'!" hehe

    This. Is. Awesome. lol

    beckerkoszarekTarponMonoxidebobcatbride11
  • And ps - OP, it's none of your MIL's beeswax whether or not you and your H choose to start a family or anything else related to your marriage. Next time she corners you, tell her to bugger off and then let your H know that he needs to handle his mother. GL
    beckerkoszarekTarponMonoxide
  • I'd still like to know how the nice little ole lady found out "we won't be having a family."

    C'mon, OP...fess up...

    If he told and he brereched confidence, he's bad news. He can't go through life telling tales out of school; you should be furious -- AT HIM.

    If the 2 of you told her or you did? Well, ya might have known there'd be fallout.  Learn a lesson and tell her nothing ever again.
  • Oh my god, I can't stop laughing. I've been so worried on what I can do to make her like me and its been making me so sad, but your comments made me not feel like her opinion of me was something that was the end all. Thank you.
    PrincessVegan
  • After my MIL kept on and on about babies we both said we didn't want kids, which at first she was fine with. She also liked me at the time, or so I thought, but then she did a 360. The words "cold", "two faced, and "bully" have been what most people call her. It's not just the babies. She tells me that I shouldn't work out because its bad for me (yoga, cardio, weight, charity runs), that I don't have her interests, I don't visit them enough, I don't include her in my FB enough, and that I don't visit her daughter enough, and that my wedding dress wasn't like her daughters. I feel bad but its all nutty reasons to dislike a person right?
  • Meh....well, that's rude the stuff she is saying, but I suppose it could be worse? Btw - regardless of how you guys feel about the kids thing, it still is none of her business, or anyone else's but you and your H. She says she's fine with you guys not having kids but now she's not? It doesn't even matter. Both you and your H need to shut her down. She can make all the rude comments she wants about your exercise habits - it's none of her concern and your H needs to step up and let her know that not only is she being rude, she needs to knock it off. But again, I've heard of MILs that are much much worse. Ultimately, you have to figure out which shit is worth fighting over with her and which is just in one ear out the other.
  • Stop trying to bond with her. You will never be close. Accept this. And I do want to know where your DH is in all of this.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

    alecia_kasher
  • After my MIL kept on and on about babies we both said we didn't want kids, which at first she was fine with. '

    The horse is out of the barn but when she started that the first time, you and he shold have made it cleat together "Mom, this isnt open for discussion and do not mention this again" and if she did, then it was time to get kind of mean with her.

    Some people never let up. They sure have a way of getting under your skin.

    She also liked me at the time, or so I thought, but then she did a 360. The words "cold", "two faced, and "bully" have been what most people call her.

    Nip this in the bud. This is probably all an attention thing, now that her son's gone and gotten married. We've seen this a hundred times ont his board and others.

    This is nothing but an attention ploy and bullshit homemade drama created by her. Don't let her have her spotlight.

    It's not just the babies. She tells me that I shouldn't work out because its bad for me (yoga, cardio, weight, charity runs), that I don't have her interests, I don't visit them enough, I don't include her in my FB enough, and that I don't visit her daughter enough, and that my wedding dress wasn't like her daughters. I feel bad but its all nutty reasons to dislike a person right?

    This is bullshit homemade drama and an attention ploy. Tell her to cut it out and knock it off.

  • I'm so sorry your MIL and SIL have treated your poorly. I can totally sympathize with this. When me and my H got married, my MIL acted the exact same way. Everything we did or said was compared to SIL's wedding. I eventually had to make my H stand up to his mom and tell her and SIL to butt out of the wedding planning if they couldn't stop comparing our weddings or say anything nice. After that, I just didn't include them in any of the wedding planning at all because I couldn't stand their constant nasty comments. I think that some mothers just can't stand the fact that their son has grown up and is beginning a new life with another woman other than herself. In the end, you just have to ignore all of the negativity and live your life the way that you see fit. Your marriage is between you and H, not you and H's family. We used to get hounded by family members when we were just dating about when we were going to get married and now we get hounded about when we're going to have a baby. To shut them all up, we just started saying "we're never getting married" or "we're never having children". And then when it happens it's on your terms and you don't have to deal with everyone in the mean time. It's worked wonders for us and no one seems to ask those annoying questions anymore. I think they've gotten the hint :)  I also agree with others that your H needs to get involved and shut his mother up. Maybe if she hears it coming from him, she might be willing to accept it more easily. Good luck and hang in there!
  • edited September 2013
    And PS:

    Put none of her photos in the album.

    If you really want to get a good laugh and bust her balls, do this:

    Get every single photo where she is pouting, ticked off, looks like she ate last week's sushi for dinner, is flying the flag, has something stuffed up her netherregion, etc...

    Get 'em all, including those submitted by the guests.,..

    Get as many as you can. A few hundred is nice.

    And go to Shutterfly and make up a "mother's photo album" with NOTHING but her pissy face fotos IN THEM.

    Crop all the photos before hand and make sure ONLY her making a face is in the photo.

    This album will be "her" mother's album. A gift to her, at no charge of course.:)

    That'll take the wind out of her overblown sails before you can say so much as "Everyone say 'Cheese'!" hehe
    This. Is. Awesome. lol
    Yer dern tooten it's awesome!

    I'm serious. DO it.  Maybe that will be a nice wake up call for her to stop being such a right nasty git about everything.

    PS: This gift is best given when there is a lot of family gathered --- Christmas would be a lovely occasion! She opens the gift and everyone goes "so what did you get, Ma? Let's see....."
    alecia_kasherR.Wilsonny
  • Oh my god, I can't stop laughing. I've been so worried on what I can do to make her like me and its been making me so sad, but your comments made me not feel like her opinion of me was something that was the end all. Thank you.
    The "kill her with kindness" bit? Time consuming. Not so sure it is worth it.

    She can't be permitted to do a number on you. I urge you to take a stand on this.

    I personally can't figure out what the end to what means any of this divisive nonsense is -- it proves nothing, it solves nothing and life is too short for this kind of thing.
  • And PS:

    Put none of her photos in the album.

    If you really want to get a good laugh and bust her balls, do this:

    Get every single photo where she is pouting, ticked off, looks like she ate last week's sushi for dinner, is flying the flag, has something stuffed up her netherregion, etc...

    Get 'em all, including those submitted by the guests.,..

    Get as many as you can. A few hundred is nice.

    And go to Shutterfly and make up a "mother's photo album" with NOTHING but her pissy face fotos IN THEM.

    Crop all the photos before hand and make sure ONLY her making a face is in the photo.

    This album will be "her" mother's album. A gift to her, at no charge of course.:)

    That'll take the wind out of her overblown sails before you can say so much as "Everyone say 'Cheese'!" hehe
    This is flipping BRILLIANT.  
    image
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I have to agree with PP and say that "killing them with kindness" doesn't always work.  I would say MIL if you want kids so bad why don't you have some more.  Also - when she tells you that you "have" to do this or that I would very politely but firmly tell her "MIL - the only thing I have to do is breathe, eat and sleep" giggle and walk away.  I would also not be friends with her or sister on FB (I personally deleted my account for this reason).  I hate to break it to you but I think that no matter what you do they are going to find some insane made up reason to not like you.  Some people are just like this and you just have to brush it off and know that it's not you.  Good luck!
  • HiCan said:
    And PS:

    Put none of her photos in the album.

    If you really want to get a good laugh and bust her balls, do this:

    Get every single photo where she is pouting, ticked off, looks like she ate last week's sushi for dinner, is flying the flag, has something stuffed up her netherregion, etc...

    Get 'em all, including those submitted by the guests.,..

    Get as many as you can. A few hundred is nice.

    And go to Shutterfly and make up a "mother's photo album" with NOTHING but her pissy face fotos IN THEM.

    Crop all the photos before hand and make sure ONLY her making a face is in the photo.

    This album will be "her" mother's album. A gift to her, at no charge of course.:)

    That'll take the wind out of her overblown sails before you can say so much as "Everyone say 'Cheese'!" hehe
    This is flipping BRILLIANT.  
    image
    I appreciate the "Wayne's World" reference. Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey are genius.
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