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Wedding gift ettiquite for a wedding you don't want to attend?

I suppose the title sounds a little harsh and straightforward (just don't go, right?), but my future brother-in-law is getting married. Neither my boyfriend or I want to go because the couple has been stepping all over us lately (not to mention no one wants to see them get married) but my boyfriend has been asked to be the best man.

[Just for clarification, by "stepping all over us" I mean that they've rung up over $2,000 on our electric bill, destroyed our rental property and the furniture in it (to the point that it had to be bulldozed), and tried to purchase a house we had been looking into. This, combined with our already stressed finances managed to send my boyfriend to the hospital yesterday.]

As cheap as this sounds, do we have to get them a gift? I hardly feel justified in buying them a blender as a formality when we have lost so much to them already. And secondly (bonus question!), can my boyfriend deny his brother's request to be the best man? The groomsmen may be stepping out soon as well.

Re: Wedding gift ettiquite for a wedding you don't want to attend?

  • 1.  Yes, your boyfriend can decline to be in a wedding.  Asking is a request, not a court summons.

    2.  I'd personally send something as a gift just because you will be family.  But I can see why you'd want to skip it and I don't think not sending one is a big deal either.
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  • Agree he can step out but he has to be willing with the drama this will likely cause. If it were me i'd do the best man thing but skip out on the gift. It is somewhat conflicting though because by being his best man it shows he is supporting something that he isn't
  • You don't have to do any of it. If you don't you have to be prepared for the fall out.

    How did they wreck a house SO bad it had to be bulldozed?? How did you and your H get stuck with a 2000 dollar electric bill?? How can they afford a house?? How old are they??
  • Yeah this is so strange.  The house had to be bulldozed ? 
  • What's with the electric bill? And the house. A little backstory, please.
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  • moonprincessdmoonprincessd member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    edited August 2013
    No a gift is not a requirement. I had quite a few people at my wedding not bring gifts. Two were groomsmen (all had to rent their own tuxes) and that's a gift imo. Others were out of towners and had to pay for hotel/travel. 

    Also he doesn't have to be a groomsmen, he could say no, he's not family "yet" 
  • I am assuming that the "bulldozing" is an exaggeration, because if you were actually going to have to bulldoze a house, you would also be going after your FBIL/FSIL legally (civil lawsuit at the very least, but more than likely criminal charges would have to be filed) in order to get your insurance to cover the damages. 

    So their wedding/marriage is moot, no?
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