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5 o'clock shadow - what is normal?

edited August 2013 in Sex & Romance
Hi all, I am curious. Is it normal for men to shave before sex if they are scratchy, as a courtesy? Or do most women put up/are not bothered by 5 o'clock shadow? I have been married for a little over a year. When we got married, my DH had a moustache. I quickly learned that it bothered me when we made out or had sex (we had waited til marriage for sex and anything more than a kiss goodnight). When he realized it was keeping me from being able to come, he shaved it off the next day, which I thought was very thoughtful of him. Since then, there have been many times when we wanted to/started getting intimate and I realized that his stubble was bothering me (sandpaper!) and asked him to shave before we went further. So far he has been willing to do that, but it kind of came to a head tonight. I just got back into town and we were so excited to be back together again. I had to ask him to stop and go shave, and he did it, but I could hear him sighing and it seemed like he slammed the bathroom door a little more than necessary. When he finally came out, he said, "Well, maybe tomorrow night we can try again. I have a big gash on my lip now." He then proceeded to tell me that it is too much to ask him to shave twice a day (I don't ask him to shave in the morning, but whatever) and that he understands that it scratches me, but he's a man who has hair on his face, and not a prepubescent boy, and he's not going to do it anymore.

I don't really have experience with how other couples deal with this issue...am I asking too much? Is it common for men to shower and shave in the evening in preparation for sex as a matter of course? Or does this just not bother other women like it bothers me? I've gotten beard burn on my face before when I have tried to let it go, and just pretty much lay there wondering how soon it will be over because it hurts so much. I was too bummed out and sad to really discuss it with him tonight, but I'm hoping for some insight from others on what is normal and ways that others have dealt with this ...ahem...hairy issue. Thanks in advance!

Re: 5 o'clock shadow - what is normal?

  • As a man my take on this is that one ALWAYS shaves before making love to a woman but it's not so important if it's 'just' sex.......

    If it's tender love-making that is going to happen then BOTH partners are presumably going to want as smooth a face to face contact as possible....I know I do!      If it's fairly energetic intercourse that's going to happen then there is not so much 'face to face' so it's not such an issue and, she may even like a little roughness from moment to moment!    Many of the more 'interesting' positions don't offer too much face contact anyway!
  • I have the same issues when fiance and I do. I just don't let him down there if he isn't shaved. Though sometimes, even his beard tickles and I won't let him down there lol
  • oldbugle said:
    As a man my take on this is that one ALWAYS shaves before making love to a woman but it's not so important if it's 'just' sex.......

    If it's tender love-making that is going to happen then BOTH partners are presumably going to want as smooth a face to face contact as possible....I know I do!      If it's fairly energetic intercourse that's going to happen then there is not so much 'face to face' so it's not such an issue and, she may even like a little roughness from moment to moment!    Many of the more 'interesting' positions don't offer too much face contact anyway!
    If DH's beard is too rough we just switch the type of sex we are going to have as PP mentioned. You could just keep kissing to a min and do everything else, touching, etc. I do think making him shave is a bit much. If he shaves every morning I fail to see how his beard can be that bad, unless he not getting a close shave. I say that as the wife of a man who can grow a full beard in a few days, he has extremely thick and course hair. 
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  • Just reread and I have had stubble burn, it hurts I get that. But taking a shower before sex and shaving is not typical. I mean how would you be spontaneous. By the time you get ready someone might be out of the mood or asleep. I really wonder if your too sensitive or if he isn't good at a clean shave. It should not be that bad after 10 hours. 
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  • It is painful for some men to shave too often. Suggest he not shave some mornings and do it as sex prep for you. That seems unreasonable to expect all the time, but seems like a sweet "gift" he could give you.
  • I do get where you're coming from. H's stubble tends to annoy me too, especially if he doesn't do it for a few days. Usually I pester him enough until he shaves, which he'll do if he knows he's going to get sex out of it, lol. However, I wouldn't make it a deal breaker. I wouldn't stop mid-act and tell him I can't stand it anymore. I just keep kissing to a minimum if it really bothers me. While of course kissing is an important part of sex, you can do less of it and tell him to expect less of it if he's not clean shaven. 
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  • My husband and I have a deal that we won't initiate sex unless we are both shaved. However, there have been times when I haven't shaved my legs and he has a 5 o'clock shadow and we look at each other and say, "If you can handle my hairy legs, I'll handle your scruff." and vice versa. If his scruff is too bad, then certain things are not done. We communicate and listen to each other's wants/needs/desires. End of discussion. It's all about communicating and being open. There are no secrets in my marriage....or shyness/modesty when it comes to each other. When we first got together and first had sex I was SOOO conscious of making sure my legs were shaved.....now.....5+ years later.....it's not. 

  • Thanks for your input, everyone!
  • What?  People ask their partners to shave and shower before sex?  I can't even fathom this.  How is there any spontaneity in your sex life at all that way?  Do you take turns in the shower and go shave your legs too?  Cripes by the time everyone was showered and ready to go, I'd be asleep.

    You must not have kids.  If my kid is actually asleep while we're awake enough to have sex, I don't care if DH looks like a sasquatch.
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  • How ridiculous.

    what's keeping you from coming is YOU.

    No sex before marriage and nothing more than a kiss....not suprising you don't know what turns you on and what makes you orgasm.

    The key to orgasms is masturbation.

    His upper lip can be as smooth as ice but if you don't know what makes you come, it ain't gonna do a fat lot of good for him to shave up.
  • Really? The stuble doesn't bother me that much....  maybe my DH doesn't have a lot of hair...

    Most men shave in the morning because they want to look nice/decent for work. My husband shaves in the morning.

    Making him stop though to shave, ruins the moment. It's less romantic when you're kissing and all of a sudden "Go shave please" comes out of your mouth. 

    I mean how would you feel if he started feeling you up and noticed your legs were prickly "Do you mind shaving dear?" If my husband said that to me I'd slap him. 

    Also, I highly doubt the ability to cum is because of his stuble. Many women can't orgasm during sex. There have been studies.

  • He doesn't have to go down on you EVERY time, does he?
  • lol, my husband has a full on beard, and I don't mind in the slightest. In fact, I think it's sexy haha.
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