Question is: How do you feel about an addition to a family when you have issues with your ILs?
Backstory: H and I already have a 3 year old daughter. I haven't always had a good relationship with my ILs, and having a wedding really assured me that our relationship together was and is pretty much over. I have never stopped H from having a relationship with his parents, nor have I prevented our DD from having a relationship with them. That is not my place to do so. DH has been very understanding and has agreed that when he visits them, he brings our DD and I stay home to catch up on "me" time.
Well when our wedding finally came, my ILs really showed their true colors and disrespected DH and I in more ways than one. DH has been pretty upset about these issues and is angry on how they are treating me after the fact. He has been keeping a distance from his mom to avoid any confrontation. Well my MIL called him the other day while he was working; he didn't respond because he was working; she leaves a voicemail trying to play victim to everything and from how DH had said it, it sounds like she is blaming me for their relationship issues. He has since refused to talk to her, and has actually used the word "hate" in describing his feelings towards her.
Now DH and I have been talking about adding on to our family. Our daughter is going to be turning 4 soon, and I didn't want her to be too much older than her sibling when that time does come around. I want to add on, but I feel like this will cause more bullcrap in this family drama. Like, I know this is selfish, but if I were to become pregnant, I really do not want her to know, at least not until this ugliness goes away. I know she will always hate me, we can see it in the way she acted prior and during the wedding, and I am not too fond of her either. I just feel that if his relationship is repaired with his mother, then the addition will just create more issues between me and his family.
How did you add on to the family with your IL/family issues?