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Why the DD?

I normally don't repost, but I just think this one is so horrible.  I can't imagine being so selfish that I became engaged to a guy after only dating him for two months and expecting my 10 year old daughter to just fall in line.  Her daughter shouldn't even have met this guy after only 2 months, never mind find out that her mother is going to marry him!

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princessepj
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Bringing your daughter on board....

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My FH and I have been dating for 2 months. We have known each other for years, but more distantly. My DD is 10 and has not been around him very much. I know that he is perfect for us, but DD still had hopes that her dad and I would get back together (we have been divorced for 6 years). She is having a hard time being happy about our happiness and the engagement. Have you been there?

I'm not a person who tends to make rash decisions. I'm not a 20-something who has made a mess of my life....this is a wonderful thing and not something flip to add to a lifetime of issues.

 I don't want to make this something that I shove down her throat, on the other hand I don't want her to have the message that if she doesn't like it it will go away. I have been very open and honest with her. We aren't going to move, she won't have to change schools, we are just going to have a wonderful man who loves us in our life. I know it is hard for her though.

 I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has bee here. Thanks guys!

12-29-2008 at 10:44 AM
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ictoana
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I feel sorry for your child.  She deserves a mother who is going to take some time and not jump into a marriage with someone she has been dating for 2 months (and has DISTANTLY known for a few years).  This is a stranger to her, and you are forcing her into a bad situation.  You don't know this person well enough to bring him into your child's home. 

If you want you child to react better, you need to take some time and introduce them gradually, then after a year or two bring up that you are getting married to him. 



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12-29-2008 at 10:46 AM
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PnkBride
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I know this is going to come off ugly, and I really am trying to be helpful.  But, you have gotten engaged after dating someone for 2 months?  Really!  You are not a single person who can make those type of rash decisions now.  You have a 10 year old!!!!  Slow down and give her some time to get to know him and fall in love with him to.  Maybe in a year or 2 try the engagement again.  Seriously, you should not throw a 10 year old into this type of arrangement. 
 
12-29-2008 at 10:48 AM
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princessepj
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OK...I can do brutal honesty.Thanks for your thoughts.

I am gradually getting them together. I think it is difficult for someone else to be able to gauge another person's relationship and knowledge of their appropriateness for each other. Nonetheless I didn't write the post to have any drama. I was just looking for others who may have been in the same situation.

12-29-2008 at 10:48 AM
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ENGLISHTRISH
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I agree with the pp, 2 months is not enough time for you or your daughter. I feel sorry for her, you are trying to force her into a relationship with someone who is essentially a stranger to you both. Build a relationship with this man, get to know him well, then introduce your daughter to the possibility of marriage.

 
12-29-2008 at 10:54 AM
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zitiqueen
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She is having a hard time being happy about our happiness and the engagement.

 

 

 

Boy, what a selfish little brat.

*snort*

Parents who want their children to grow into healthy adults put their kids' emotional well-being ahead of their own happiness. Parents who want their kids to turn into adults who latch on to whoever gives them a little attention marry some guy they barely know and force their kids into uncomfortable relationships with them.

 
12-29-2008 at 10:58 AM
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princessepj
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Wow, thanks for the warm welcome. Glad to know who I am talking to.

Re: Why the DD?

  • Some people can't handle the truth.

    I completely agree with you. Having mom all to herself, then all of a sudden, in the course of 2 months, she's suppossed to understand that she's now sharing mom. Mom is going to love someone else as well. That is a very, very shaky world for such a young child :(

  • You sound like you are living in lala land...

    I know we are all going to be very happy together but my FH hasn't been my daughter very long and we've only been dating for two months.

    Are you crazy?....You have no idea what kind of father he will be. I really feel for your child.

    image

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  • I had been right about to reply to that. ?Poor kid. ?Forming relationships takes time- give her a few years to get to know the guy before asking her to get on board with having him as a stepfather. ?
  • Good, I can close that window. I saw that DD coming a mile away.
    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • That poor kid!  They've only been dating for 2 months... he could be a pedophile for all she knows!  Not to mention that's not enough time to build a lasting relationship that would lead to a lasting marriage (you would think she would have learned that the first time around).  So right when dd starts to maybe open up to him they will probably end up divorced.  Nice.
  • WOW....you sure you arent the child in this story?

    how dare her not just get over and accept her mom getting engaged after 2 whole months....what a little selfish child.

    i feel sorry for your daughter. ppor thing

  • It seems to me like maybe the daughter is the voice of reason in this situation.  Just sayin.
    TTC since January 2010
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    dx: RPL due to poor quality uterine lining; begin progesterone January 2011
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  • I feel for this little girl.  My mom got remarried when I was 12.  She dated my stepdad from the time I was 5 though.  She gave me 7 years to get used to him before we moved in together & became a family.  And even then it was hard!  This is WAYYY too big of a change to force on a 10 year old child in a 2 month time period.  I hope the little girl has a good support system in her family outside of her inconsiderate mother. 
  • My mom got remarried when I was 9.  She had dated the guy for maybe a year and neither me or my sister liked him at all.  He ended up being an alcoholic who emotionally and physically abused all of us.  Three years later they were divorced.

    I think mom should slow the eff down and take her daughter's thoughts into consideration.  She might be on to something here.  Kids can sense a bad situation from a mile away.

    TTC since January 2010
    BFP 5/9/10. U/S - no heartbeat 6/2/10 (7 weeks). Induced miscarriage 6/7/10.
    Chemical pregnancies 12/2/10, 1/3/11, and 2/7/11.
    dx: RPL due to poor quality uterine lining; begin progesterone January 2011
    BFP 3/10/11. EDD 11/19/11. E arrived 11/15/11!

    Loss Blog | Life Blog

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  • image anonomity:

    My mom got remarried when I was 9.  She had dated the guy for maybe a year and neither me or my sister liked him at all.  He ended up being an alcoholic who emotionally and physically abused all of us.  Three years later they were divorced.

    I think mom should slow the eff down and take her daughter's thoughts into consideration.  She might be on to something here.  Kids can sense a bad situation from a mile away.

    Funny how kids can pick up on things, isn't it?  Kids have an amazing sense of intuition (IMHO).  I'm sure this poor girl is picking up all kinds of creepy vibes from douchetard.

    I also wonder, too, if he proposed so quickly so he could be under the same roof as the kid.  Pedophile alert!!!!

    <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=9t3cz9" target="_blank"><img src="http://i39.tinypic.com/9t3cz9.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a>

    [URL=http://alterna-tickers.com][IMG]http://alterna-tickers.com/tickers/generated_tickers/f/fr7ha85jz.png[/IMG][/URL]
  • Well I am some 20-something (22 to be exact) and I guess that means that becuase I have found someone and got married means that I am irresponsible?  That my life is in shanbles?  Wow.  I had no idea. 

    My other concer is do you really want you daughter to find some guy and get married only after two months because that is what she saw mommy do?!  I agree with PP how do you know he isn't some pedifile?!

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