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Comparing your self to his ex's....

My bf and I have talked about our past bf's/gf's...and somethings that we have done sexually with them, (ie. oral in the car while driving, sex on the hotel balcony) but we haven't done with each other....now that I know that he has done this or that with his ex and not with me. Makes me want to do those things as well, plus more. I am the only one that thinks this or is curious about their bf's ex's and what he's done with them? I know I am silly. TIA.

Re: Comparing your self to his ex's....

  • I dont really care what DH has done with his ex's.  I know that is his past and that he is very pleased by me. 
  • I won't lie - I am curious but I am not too concerned about it. I prefer to not know in the first place - sharing was your first mistake.

    It doesn't sound like you're secure in your relationship at all...not just in the sex dept.

  • When we first started seriously dating, I was a bit insecure about it.  I knew that he had only had sex once before, and it was as a confused horny teenager.  The subject just came up in conversation, neither of us was specifically asking the other.  But I also know that there was a girl before me that he was head-over-heels in love with.  He even has told me he's glad she broke his heart, otherwise he would have married her and not me.  I was sort-of shaken up about it.  But now...  I really don't care.  He loves me, I know he does, and that's all I need to know.  :) 
  • When my husband and I got married, we were both virgins. He has had oral sex with his ex-girlfriend though. I had never even seen a naked man til our wedding night. I was nervous about being compared to his ex, and he wasn't b/c I had nothing to compare him to. I wasnt nervous about sex, but I was about oral sex b/c he had done that before and i hadnt. I think it's normal to think about your SO's ex-girlfriends. Instead of thinking about things he did w/her and not you, think about all the things he does w/you that he hasnt done w/her. I think your curiosity is normal though...
  • When my DH and I started living together I asked tons of questions about his prior sexual encounters but he didn't want to know anything about mine.
  • I think comparisons are pretty pointless. Every relationship is different and you have to move at a pace that is comfortable for both of you.
    My Fashion & Beauty Blog: www.veronikasblushing.com
  • You two blab way too much about your pasts.

    I also think the guy who said that he would have married his ex instead if she hadn't broken his heart is more than a little touched in the head.  I can see he meant well, but the way he said it?  Not too bright.

  • i did the same exact thing with my boyfriend. when him and i started dating he lived with his ex girl friend. omg talk about frustrating and confusing! shes like aneroxic pretty and just looks perfect then theres me the total opposite especially after having a baby. he never really wanted to talk about it but i wanted to know everything and like you relive it for him and maybe make it a better memory. that wore off pretty quick youll forget about it all in time. every now and then i hear his friends talk about his ex i still hate her for no real reasons but i dont really like any females. especially ex's!!!
  • I think there is a natural curiosity about prior lovers- I think about it, and in past relationships I have talked about it. It is also worse when I know the ex.  But for me I think it arises from my own insecurities.. am I normal.. do I experiment enough for his tastes.. what does he like.. however you just have to realize that he is thinking the same thing about you.

    I think I have gotten to the point where I don't bring it up. 

  • image jaredswife:
    I dont really care what MH has done with his ex's.  I know that is his past and that he is very pleased by me. 
    ditto.
  • Oh no! Thinking this way only leads to negativity.

    When DF and I were just dating we talked about what each other has done and trying to *one up the other*. He told me him and his ex did it in a clothing store one day, in a change room, while it was busy.

    I started to look at myself bad because I don't like the thrill "of getting caught" and he obviously does (did?). I'm like "what am I a prude?" and thinking that she was some glorious sex kitten and I am a frumpy soon-to-be housewife. Read: A reason why I do not like it is because I have been CAUGHT by a exes' mom and other people as well, no more thrill for me!!

    My advice, only do stuff like that only if YOU want to. If doing it on the hotel balcony (or stores change rooms) turn you on, go ahead and surprise him. But don't do something you don't want to do only because his ex did it. You are your own person and if he wanted to be with someone like her, he would have stayed with her.

  • We have talked a little about this as well. I think I'm better off knowing as little as possible.
  • image holly_23:
    i did the same exact thing with my boyfriend. when him and i started dating he lived with his ex girl friend. omg talk about frustrating and confusing! shes like aneroxic pretty and just looks perfect then theres me the total opposite especially after having a baby. he never really wanted to talk about it but i wanted to know everything and like you relive it for him and maybe make it a better memory. that wore off pretty quick youll forget about it all in time. every now and then i hear his friends talk about his ex i still hate her for no real reasons but i dont really like any females. especially ex's!!!

     

    really? really really??

    image
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