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Mad at my mom (a little long)

So growing up - until I was about 16 - I was the chubby kid in school.  And my sister was tits on a stick...long and lean and perfect and beautiful.  She could eat whatever she wanted and never gain a pound - and I soon learned that wasn't going to work for me.  My mom unwittingly said some kind of hurtful things to me when I was younger - and my sister was merciless. 

Well, fast forward 15 years and now I have a nephew and 3 nieces.  One niece is a tiny gymnast, one is a beanpole, and the other is not the LEAST bit chubby, but definitely not tiny like the other two.  Today when I was talking to my mom and she said my sister and BIL were looking REALLY good (they've been losing weight for a cruise they are going on) she made the comment that both she and my sister think Kailee is getting "really chunky" and has a bad "swayback."  Um, I have a swayback. 

That pissed me OFF so badly, because it is like my childhood all over again.  She is beautiful, smart and funny - she truly has the most potential out of all four of those kids and I cannot STAND that they are already judging her on her weight - which is perfectly healthy.

GAWD - I am so PISSED!
 

Re: Mad at my mom (a little long)

  • I think I'd call your niece and tell her something like that after biting your Mom's head off.  I guess don't say bad things about the others, but she could probably use some good feedback.  I'm sad for her. :(
  • Ok, I am still giggling about "tits on a stick". 

    I would be upset if I were you too.  I think that is very crappy.  Maybe you should say something to your Mom, or would that not do any good?
  • I think schoolsout has a great idea about calling up and telling her she's beautiful. I was also a little 'rounder' growing up, and very very sensitive to others' comparisons between my sister and me. When anyone gave me a compliment, it made my year.
  • image mountain*bride:
    I think schoolsout has a great idea about calling up and telling her she's beautiful. I was also a little 'rounder' growing up, and very very sensitive to others' comparisons between my sister and me. When anyone gave me a compliment, it made my year.

    I could have written mountain*bride's response almost verbatim.  And I also think it might be quite healing for you to be upfront (although not over the top) about if with your mother.

    My mom has already said things like, "Olivia doesn't look fat yet at ALL!"  

    WHO USES THE WORD "FAT" WHEN TALKING ABOUT AN INFANT!?!?! 

  • Aww, I feel so bad for her :(  I'm the chubby one in my family and it sucks.  It was pointed out to me that I was the chubbier one many years ago even when I wasn't chubby in the least (I have the pictures to prove it) and I believe it has contributed to many of my issues with food.  I'm glad you're there to stand up for her.

    image

  • That is so horrible. I'm sorry. :( I was the one called fat by my father growing up. Constantly. My dad was so bad, I even had restrictions on what and WHEN I could eat - so I didn't get any fatter. (According to him.) Saying things like that to a child can do serious emotional damage. I know, sadly.

    I hope your niece doesn't have to deal with that growing up. I hope it was an isolated comment from your mother. If not, I'd say something, if I were you.  

    I think letting your niece know she's beautiful just the way she is is a great idea. :) I'm sure she'd love that.  

  • If you are at all in touch with your niece do all that you can to remind her how beautiful and special she is.

    I think that people really have good intentions but honestly don't realize the kind of harm to self-image, self-respect and confidence those kinds of comments can have.  I'd probably also say something to your mom like "Kailee is really beautiful and you have no right to be so critical of her.".  Unfortunately, it probably won't do any good.

    Mommy to Allison (2007), Peter (2008) & Jonathan (2010) image
  • I'm sorry. That isn't right.
    Robin
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  • That is so messed up.  I don't understand people who do that to children in general, but to do it to your own child/grandchild is beyond wrong.  I agree that you should compliment and let your niece know just how special and how much potential she has.  I am so sorry that history is repeating itself. 
    DD Addison 11/26/2007
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  • I just don't understand how people don't get what they're doing to kids when they say these things.  It breaks my heart.  I've been there too.  I'm so glad that Kailee has you.

  • Did you tell your mom?
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  • My mom used to say sort of stuff....well you're big boned-at the time I was 14, 5'10" and weighted about 110 lbs-if that.  She, and my sister, were all of 5'4" and of course weighed under that so I was considered "big" in the family.  Growing up I definitely had eating issues and at times still do...very much an emotional eater.  Now I'm nowhere near the 110 mark and am always being told I should eat less and exercise more.  Lovely!  It's a shame a parents/grandparents can't see how this effects the person they are saying it too!

  • For the record - I did confront my mom on it and she got all upset claiming I was "reading too much into it."  Um, ok. 

    And now she is not returning my calls.
     

  • Well boo on her.  You did the right thing.

    Holy crap, Nolan's almost 1! 

  • image schoolsoutbride:

    Holy crap, Nolan's almost 1! 

     

    I know!  I can't EVEN believe it.  I swear those first three or so months seemed so long, but the past nine have just flown by.  He's such a big boy now!  We have definitely mastered "No."  Let the good times roll! 

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