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Military newlywed problems! HELP!

Hey gals I married my husband two months ago and moved near his base three weeks ago. We have been going through a lot since I moved with him. I left my job to move here. I dont have friends or family nearby. I am unemployed and dont have a drivers license nor a car therefore im quite limited in terms of going out on my own. To top it off i am going through a miscarriage since last friday. I feel that things are overwhelming me and right now im dealing with him going out. His coworkers were having a bar thing because one of his junior marines picked up. He asked me if he could go and although I really didnt want him to go... i told him that it was ok. Of course I did express that i'd rather him stay with me to keep me company but I figured it would also be nice for him to just go out and maybe unwind from the miscarriage (he has been trying to be strong for me). Point being I feel miserable and upset because he is out drinking and im here in our apt alone. I dont have friends here and I want to move past the point where i stop being needy like this.... i know its not healthy to alienate each other from friends but also he is all i have here....any advice?

Re: Military newlywed problems! HELP!

  • 1.  You need to take care of your self physically and mentally.  I really think talking to a Chaplain or counselor about your loss would be a good thing.  There is also a board over on the Bump for people who have suffered a loss.  It's a great board.  

    2.  It sounds like you are a bit jealous.  I think talking to your husband about that and finding a way to get past it is in order.

    3.  When you are up to it, get out of the house.  Get on the spouse's page for the base and find some people who relate to.  Get to an FRG meeting.  Get your H to invite people over for dinner or invite people out to dinner with you.  Just do something to meet some people.  I have several friends who don't have a car.  A number of us have no issue picking them up for breakfast, lunch or to go to the gym.  I'm sure there are people near you who wouldn't mind picking you up to socialize.   

    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/160yf86.jpg[/IMG]

    <a href="https://sites.google.com/site/milnestfaq/" target="_blank" title="Military Newlyweds FAQ"><img src="http://tinyurl.com/ya7ofn4" alt="Military Newlyweds FAQ Button" height=86 width=108></a>
  • To add, if you aren't ok with your husband going out or if you need him to be with you, you need to be honest with him.  
    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/160yf86.jpg[/IMG]

    <a href="https://sites.google.com/site/milnestfaq/" target="_blank" title="Military Newlyweds FAQ"><img src="http://tinyurl.com/ya7ofn4" alt="Military Newlyweds FAQ Button" height=86 width=108></a>
  • First off, I'm sorry for your loss

    Are you able to get your license? I would do that as soon as possible so you can at least go do things on your own when you have the car. Do you want to work/able to work? I would also look into that. Connect with the FRO and see if they have any events planned so you can meet other wives from the squadron. 

     I would look into counseling surrounding your counseling, even if its just a few visits. It might help you sort out your feelings.

     You need to be honest with H about him going out, etc. If you don't want him to, tell him and why. That doesn't mean he will always listen, but you need to talk about these situations. Why couldn't you go with him? Was it just all guys?  

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  • So sorry for your loss!!!! I agree with the other posters are saying. Its hard when you move to a new place and being a mil-spouse that might happen a lot. The greatest thing is there are so many mil-spouses just a phone call away from you! Get involved with the base and meet some people in your area, maybe getting out and working or volunteering somewhere will help with all your feelings and thoughts. The best part about being near a military base is all the support and programs that you can attend and get.

    check this out http://www.military.com/spouse there are so many sites and things to get you involved and connected to people!

    ~E~
  • I second the bereavement counseling for your loss.

    And get out and DO something!

    What do you like to do?

    Find something nearby that caters to your "like to do" and then get out and do it.

    If you don't have a hobby, get one: photography, scrapbooking, memorabilia, drawing, writing, jewelry making, collecting things (dolls, old clocks, rocks, pretty flowers --- press them in a book or dry them out; find a craft site), crocheting, knitting and something sports (try kickboxing, dance lessons or swimming, to name a few.)

    Or volunteer; try something at your church, in your town, be a Big Sister to some deserving kid.

    Keep busy. wishing you luck.
    ewill7911
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