May 2012 Weddings
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Am I Irrational? (Long)

Please tell me If I am out of line....I really need outside perspective right now.  Also sorry if this gets long.

So one of my BFFs is getting married next September.  I was in her wedding in 2005 with her ex.  Since then we have become closer.  I txt her Good Morning every morning for at least the past 3 years now.

Well awhile back she told me if she ever got remarried I would be her MOH.  Well then she decided since I'm pregnant and will have a 10 month old by the wedding that she didn't want me to have the extra stress.  So she asked her sister and his sister instead.  So, OK I'm fine with that I understand the sister thing.  Wish she didn't bring up why she wasn't picking me and just said my sister is my MOH, but whatever.

So next day she sends out a bridal party contact list.  Then proceeds to tell me they already paired people up!  OK this is a little soon when you kicked a girl out of your bridal party last time.  Well then 2 days later she sends out an update list and cut my name from the middle and moved it to the end.  So now the order is Her sister, His sister, Her friend who didn't support her divorce and now that she is also getting a divorce decided to be her friend again 2 weeks ago, his sister-in-law (just got added), his friends wife, then me.  

So when I asked her about order she was like oh its not decided, but it will be by height.  Well if its by height why did you pair people?  Also I know I am the shortest.  

So obviously I asked her a few questions already a told her she hurt my feelings.  I just need an outside view because my mom and DH think what she did was pretty crappy. 

I seriously would do anything in the world for my BFFs so I hope I don't come off bitchy.  Thank you so much if you took the time to read all of this!

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Re: Am I Irrational? (Long)

  • 1. I think your friend is crazy for kicking you out of the MOH spot because you'll have a 10 month old...

    2. I also think she's crazy for picking her bridal party and pairing people up so early....especially if she's prone to kick people out of her wedding party.

    3. I'd probably also get a little upset if I was moved down the line to the very end, especially with the stupid explanation she gave you for the reason why.

    Sorry she's being so crappy. I'm glad you told her how you felt!

     

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  • It is DEFINITELY weird that she has decided the order of her wedding party with the wedding over a year away! I think H & I paired everyone up the week of the wedding!

    We also didn't put a lot of thought in the order we placed people in as far as "importance". For us it was sort of a puzzle putting everyone together. SIL felt uncomfortable being paired with H's HS friends as she's known them forever, and then we had to figure out which BM would have two GM as our sides were uneven.

     So for us it was more of figuring out who would work best with who than any order of importance. Maybe you were moved because someone didn't like who they were paired with?

    I guess what I'm saying is I would be upset about the MOH thing, but let it go since she picked her sister, and I wouldn't put too much weight on what order you're in the processional. Besides, if it's changed twice in two days who know how many more times it will change by next September!

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  • I do hear the "you will have a 10 month old, for you to be MOH might be a bit much"...One of my best friends in the world wasn't in my wedding party (I was in hers) because she lives a country away, has a 2 year old and was due a month after my wedding...I didn't ask her to be in my bridal party because I knew she would feel bad about not being able to come to the showers, stagette, not even hang out the night before the wedding since her 2 year old goes to bed a 7 and he is a mommy suck at night, etc....and she came to the wedding and had a blast.

    Think of how much work planning a stagette weekend would be with a baby, its one thing to attend, but then to be the one planning is a lot of work and commitment and she has no idea what type of parent you will be with a 10 month old (easily leave your kid for 2 days....or need to be within hearing distance of them at all times),

    However the other choices she has made seem weird to me. First off its early, second, it seems like it hasn't been thought through, like pp said it could all change in a month from now when she actually has to make final decisions. Don't fret about it, and remember either as a guest or in the wedding party, weddings are SUPPOSED to be fun....just enjoy whatever role comes, and who knows, come wedding day you might be glad to have time to be with your family and not just hanging out at the head table (or with the wedding party or whatever).

  • I think you had a normal reaction. You're not being irrational at all in fact I can't say I would have acted any different. One of my BM's is getting married April 2015 and has asked me to be her MOH (she's my cousin.) Anyways another one of her BM's had a baby this past Feb and I'm due in Oct and she asked me if I would be able to still be in her wedding since I would have a child. I get that I'm the MOH but other girls have kids too so I don't understand why she thinks it would be different for me. 

    I feel your pain and I completely understand your reaction. The point of telling you thatstory was so you didn't feel like it was just you and also so you can see it's apparently normal for people these days I have no clue why. Don't beat yourself up about it!! 

  • I don't think you're being irrational at all. I think being irrational is planning your wedding line up 14 months in advance and then sending out multiple emails about it.

    I would be upset too. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this! 

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  • Thank you guys for taking the time to read that long post and respond!  I feel much better now.  I was worried DH and my Mom were just siding with me.  

    I asked her to call me to discuss when she got off work today.  I think I was able to  explain my feelings better the second time and she was able to understand me better.  She is now going to set the order at the rehearsal.  She didnt say that people were paired and ordered in her email, it was something she told me in person.  So luckly its something fixable. 

    [url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3d6f8d] My Ovulation Chart[/url]
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