December 2007 Weddings
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Help!

Ok, so you may remember in June, we agreed to let a friend stay with us for a few weeks because she was leaving her husband. Well, a few weeks has turned into a few months. She hasn't been here the entire time - she was gone for 3 weeks in Michigan and she's been gone the last couple of weeks to get her wisdom teeth out and then her husband's, but she's coming back today.

Now, don't get me wrong, she's fine, and I want to help out a friend, but Arek and I are starting to feel like we don't know when she's coming and going and we kind of just want to know it's the three of us again. The utilities shot up during the times she has been here and I did ask her to contribute some money, but I also don't think she understands that when lucie's sleeping, she needs to be quiet. I'm not asking for silence, but banging around and things are waking her up. Not to mention, for some reason, when she's here, Lucie wakes up in the middle of the night. 

What do I do? I know she has things to figure out in regards to her husband, but when I tried to find out how much longer she planned to stay, she said their lease was up in December so she was going to ride it out till then and then either find her own apartment or move back to Michigan.

Is it wrong of me to not want her to stay that long? I hate confrontation but I don't know how to confront this situation. I feel insensitive because of the crap she has going on, but at the same time, I feel unhappy in my own home. I also a little irked because I invited a few friends to the Ladies Night Out at the Melting Pot next week for an early bday celebration and she invited 2 other people and didn't seem to think it was an issue. I said yes because I don't know how else to deal with it as I know she's having a tough time, but I didn't want to spend my birthday celebration with people I don't know.  We go in vacation in 3 weeks - I'm thinking maybe I just tell her we don't really want her in our house while we're gone and maybe that's our way out? But what if she wants to come back when we get back.

Honestly, I don't know what to do. I feel like a terrible person because I know she has no other friends who have an actual spare room and not a couch for her to sleep on. It's my own fault for even offering in the first place but this is tough!

Re: Help!

  • You offered her a place for a FEW weeks but it sounds like she is taking advantage of that generiousty as she has stayed past her few weeks. Don't blame yourself because it was a nice gesture and you told her a few weeks not months and it is time for her to leave. 

    She may be going through a time but there comes a point where you got to start doing things on your own. It is not fair to you, A or L for her to say "Well I don't know when I will be moving out"

    I would let her know that you don't want anyone in the house while you guys are on vacation and don't let her say "Well I can housesit and your house will be safe" (or something like that). Personally I would not want anyone in my house while I am gone and wouldn't want someone housesitting it either, but that is just me.

    You and A need to sit down with her and let her know that you know she is going through a difficult time but that you guys feel that she needs to find new permanent living arrangements before you guys go on vacation. Just let her know that you two feel it is time and that you will help her look, if needed, and/or help her move her stuff, if needed, but that on this date you need her to be out (maybe make it a couple weeks after you get back to give her 3 weeks to find a place to stay while you are gone and during that 3 weeks and while you are gone she can find a place to permantly stay).

    I feel personally you have gone way above your duty and it is time for her to move. I see it all the time on the Family Matters board and those ladies would tell you that you have done what you can do but that you need to give her a definite move out date or she will continue to take advantage of it.

    It is tough because you want to help someone out and I would be the same way too, but there comes a breaking point.

     

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  • ITA w/ everything that Heather said.

     Having someone move in is so hard.  I know b/c I had my BIL live w/ us I forget how long (6 months or more; I've basically blocked that out of my mind) it was fine in the beginning but then I started to feel like I always had "company" and couldn't fully enjoy myself or my house.  I started resenting my BIL and it took us a while to start getting along again.

  • I agree with everyone else. 

    She sounds like she will need a concrete "move out" date.  Make sure to get your key back before you go on vacation so she can't help herself to your house.

  • image Jakeybabe16:

    I agree with everyone else. 

    She sounds like she will need a concrete "move out" date.  Make sure to get your key back before you go on vacation so she can't help herself to your house.

    This. I know you don't like confrontation Caroline but she is taking advantage of your good nature. I know it must stink for her right now, but taking advantage of your and DH's generocity is not cool. I would tell her that she needs to be out before you go on vacation and make sure you get your keys. Make sure you stick to your guns and do not feel bad when/if she tries to get you to change your mind. It is stressful enough having a child and you do not need her extra stress.

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