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Scared kitty...help!

I have two cats, Esme and Alice. Alice is a total cuddlebug. Definitely a mommy AND a daddy's girl. Esme... not so much.

 Esme is cuddly with me. A Mommy's girl. She is completely afraid of my husband, Ali, though. He has never done anything to harm her and he's always friendly with her and Alice. Alice will let him hold her and pet her and play and cuddle, etc but Esme won't let him near her. She'll watch from afar and sit on the same couch, but on the opposite side of Ali.

He feeds them almost as much as I do. He's very gentle to them. He plays with them as much as I do (or tries to play with Esme, like I said, Alice can do anything with him lol)

He's had cats his whole life and has done a lot of research on them for care, feeding, etc. He's very good with them and never had a cat act this way with him. 

2 weird things, though, early in the morning, sometimes she'll jump on the bed and lay down between Ali and I, but the minute he sees her, and she sees him seeing her, she runs. Also, when we first got them from the shelter, the lady gave Esme to Ali to hold and she ended up falling asleep in his arms. She wasn't afraid of him at all then.

We've had them both since they were 6 months old, about 9 months to date. They are sisters from the same litter.

I can hold her and pass her to him and he'll hold her. She'll be fine for like 3 minutes, then all of a sudden want to get away. I can hold her forever, though. 

I know that I can't force Esme to love her daddy, but what can we do to get her to not be so scared of him? It's been 9 months, shouldn't she know him enough by now?  He's very sad that she doesn't like him. :(

Re: Scared kitty...help!

  • Have you tried a feliway diffuser?  My cats are much more relaxed since we got one. 

    Has he tried giving her really awesome treats?  My cats would fall in love with anyone that finger fed them chicken baby food. 

    .
  • He gives them all kinds of treats, new toys, he'll toss the mouse for her. She'll go after the mouse then run off with it in the opposite direction of him. he's given her little pieces of chicken, beef, tuna. Nothing works.

    I saw the diffusers in the store. What's the difference between that and a lavender reed diffuser that you put out for decoration?

  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker

    the feiliway is a 'cat calming pheremone'...so no difference other than the effects are cat specific.

    (I'd also, while ion the homeopathic bent, recommend rescue-remedy [http://www.rescueremedy.com/pets/]--you can buy it at most health-food stores, and a lot of regular pharmacies--with both the feliway and the rescue remedy, it might just be a 'temporary' thing while the cat gets a bit more used to DH = good guy :-))

  • Totally not related to your post, but putting your whole name out there on the interwebs isn't probably the best idea. You might want to take that out of your siggy (and your town out of your profile).
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • please keep replies relevant to discussion.  If you have something else to say, message privately. Thanks.
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker

    image Kik0lov3r21:
    please keep replies relevant to discussion.  If you have something else to say, message privately. Thanks.

    I'm afraid this isn't a board that keeps things 'relevant to discussion'.

    We like birdwalking.

    (and those sort of PSAs are put out publicly as a way of informing newbs/lurkers as well--and it IS a very important thing to point out.)

  • image Kik0lov3r21:
    please keep replies relevant to discussion.  If you have something else to say, message privately. Thanks.

    Wow.

    .
  • nitalnital member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments Combo Breaker
    silly n00b.  on this message board, you can't send private messages unless both people friend each other.  and you're not exactly making a lot of friends being rude to our regulars. 
    image
    Have you seen my monkey?
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker

    image nital:
    silly n00b.  on this message board, you can't send private messages unless both people friend each other.  and you're not exactly making a lot of friends being rude to our regulars. 

     

    I think they fixed it so you can...I got a snarky PM from someone I called out fairy recently (no, not on pets--was spamming the board--we actually had a civil PM conversation although I still think her OP and her first PM to me = her being a twit)--I defiantely didn't friend her

    but there's no NOTIFY feature that works...so PMs sit unnoticed in boxes for months and months and months and months...unless you happen to click on the 'check messages' thing--which most of us dont' do because it's so often broken.

    ANd the reply feature often doesn't work.

    And the PMs often get eaten by the network.

     

    (But, like any other message board, n00bs trying to tell regulars how to act goes over like a lead balloon...OP, we're not trying to chase you off but coming in here and demanding/expecting/telling other posters to conform to the style of posting you deem appropriate is, for obvious reasons, considered incredibly rude and won't win you any friends.)

     

  • nitalnital member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments Combo Breaker

    ah ha!  it's the contact button at the bottom of the post.  i read the faqs...i are smart like that. 

    but we're digressing again.  Stick out tongue

    image
    Have you seen my monkey?
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker
    we can digress further if you'd like...I'm sure there's some birdwalking subject we haven't hit on recently :-P
  • image Kik0lov3r21:
    please keep replies relevant to discussion.  If you have something else to say, message privately. Thanks.
    Regardless of my lack of help in your situation (this time - I sure hope you are working with your pom on his marking issues), I'm glad that you took your name and city/state out of your messages. Just not a smart idea. You have no idea who is reading this message board!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Wow. Closapio, she sure told you! Stick out tongue

    image
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

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  • I don't understand what the difference is between this and facebook, but that's just my opinion.

    Anyway, my pom is doing much better thank you. The cleaner helped. He hasn't gone near that doorway yesterday or today.

  • I wasn't trying to be rude. I don't think that was fair. It's my profile and if i choose to have my name on it, i think that's my right. I've seen plenty of people with their names, photos, or towns on their profile.

  • image Kik0lov3r21:
    please keep replies relevant to discussion.  If you have something else to say, message privately. Thanks.

    Seriously?!? Hmm

  • image Kik0lov3r21:

    I wasn't trying to be rude. I don't think that was fair. It's my profile and if i choose to have my name on it, i think that's my right. I've seen plenty of people with their names, photos, or towns on their profile.

    You're right. It's your life. If you don't care about stalkers then so be it. It was a helpful suggestion to help protect you. Apparently you can't appreciate that.

  • image Kik0lov3r21:

    I don't understand what the difference is between this and facebook, but that's just my opinion.

    Anyway, my pom is doing much better thank you. The cleaner helped. He hasn't gone near that doorway yesterday or today.

    Weren't you talking about cats? The pom is totally not relevant to the topic. Please stick to the topic. 

  • image Kik0lov3r21:

    I wasn't trying to be rude. I don't think that was fair. It's my profile and if i choose to have my name on it, i think that's my right. I've seen plenty of people with their names, photos, or towns on their profile.

    It is totally your right. If you choose to do so, that is up to you.

    There is, however, a huge difference between the Nest and Facebook. You can't find me on facebook, and that's my choice. I probably wouldn't friend you on facebook, so even if you could see my profile, which you can't, you couldn't see any identifying information.

    With all of the information that you had on your profile here, I could have found your facebook profile, probably your job, probably an email address or two, your home address, etc. 

    A little care goes a long way on the interwebs.

    Check our GBCK's bio - she has (or had) a lot of great information in her bio as to why it is a good idea not to have all of that info just hanging out there for everyone to see.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image Kik0lov3r21:

    I don't understand what the difference is between this and facebook, but that's just my opinion.

    You have privacy settings on facebook. People here have canceled other people's weddings and contacted their husbands and bosses.

    image
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • it's not that i don't appreciate it, it's just that i came here for help with my cat, and i get yelled at for having my name on my profile. I understand that you go off-topic sometimes, but  It's not like I had my social security number on here.
  • image Kik0lov3r21:
    it's not that i don't appreciate it, it's just that i came here for help with my cat, and i get yelled at for having my name on my profile. I understand that you go off-topic sometimes, but  It's not like I had my social security number on here.

    If you call that yelling...then you have no business being on a public forum because you're too sensitive to handle it.

  • Well then i guess I don't have any business being on a public forum. Bye.

  • And here I thought I was being nice about it.

    Not nice would have been:

    OMG! Take your name and hometown out of your profile, idiot! There are CRAZIES on the Nest! Crazies, I tell you! 

    And then linking your facebook page, your credit card statement, your checking account and your pron username and password.

     

    But I didn't do that.

     

    This time.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image Kik0lov3r21:

    Well then i guess I don't have any business being on a public forum. Bye.

    Blessings!

  • The kitty I had when DH and I first got married was afraid of pretty much everyone but me. I know now to try Feliway. Hopefully it will help you.
  • OMG Closapio! Don't you know you should NEVER try to be helpful on the interwebs?! Clearly you should have ignored it and just let any weirdo internet stalkers find her. Confused

    I think a "thank you" would have been WAY more appropriate than your snarky comment to Closapio, OP. Even a "Thanks, but I'm not worried about it." Just saying. 

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