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Poll: How long do you stay mad?

DH snapped at me last night (my pet peeve) and I was livid.  BUT I am proud to report that rather than a) letting all hell break loose or b) refusing to come to bed, I just let it go after a few hours. 

I dunno what came over me, I just decided to chill out, surf the web, hang out with my dog and after a few hours, all the anger went away!  When I finally went into bed DH apologized and I apologized and I've basically forgotten about it (well not really, but you get the point).

So:

1. How long do you stay mad?

2. What do you do about it? (Count to 10, etc.)

 

 

Re: Poll: How long do you stay mad?

  • We don't mad at each other long. If we're both home we usually just talk it out. If one of us leaves for work we solve it over e-mails.
  • 1. I used to stay mad for a LONG time.  But with Scott, I can't stay mad at him.

    2. I tell him why I got mad, he apologizes, and it's over.  We've avoided ever having a big fight this way.  We do the same if he gets mad about something, although he never does.

    I used to be really immature about fighting with boyfriends.  Scott has taught me how to be a mature adult- imagine!  Smile



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  • image MsPurple24:

    1. I used to stay mad for a LONG time.  But with Scott, I can't stay mad at him.

    2. I tell him why I got mad, he apologizes, and it's over.  We've avoided ever having a big fight this way.  We do the same if he gets mad about something, although he never does.

    I used to be really immature about fighting with boyfriends.  Scott has taught me how to be a mature adult- imagine!  Smile

    That's so awesome! 

    Our therapist gave me some exercises to apply when I felt my anger rising.  I don't like her so I haven't been following them....last night for some reason I just didn't feel the need to teach him a lesson, maybe I was too tired or whatever.  Anyways, I ended up following her advice after all and it worked! 

  • I used to be really bad at holding a grudge, but over the years, I've learned to let everything go and I don't stay mad for very long. 

    I usually surf the web or watch tv and relax and like you said, the anger just sort of goes away and I don't dwell on it.  I've learned life is much easier when you aren't angry all the time.

  • Good for you, T! That sounds like progress to me! It depends on what happened and how vulnerable I am that day for me. I stay hurt longer than mad, if anything. I had more of a temper when I was younger but I kind of outgrew it. Drew and I kind of made a pact when we started dating that we would never got to bed/part ways at the end of the evening angry (which is ironic now that we don't share a bed...) We have stayed pretty true to that. If I need to be alone and get mad or cry whatever I do that. If he needs to get air and take a drive to let off some steam, whatever. Then we talk it over. This isn't fail-proof but it usually works.
  • image NorCalMrs:

    I used to be really bad at holding a grudge, but over the years, I've learned to let everything go and I don't stay mad for very long. 

    I usually surf the web or watch tv and relax and like you said, the anger just sort of goes away and I don't dwell on it.  I've learned life is much easier when you aren't angry all the time.

    That is so true.  I would ALWAYS regret it the next day, especially if I hurt DH's feelings. 

  • 1. Not very long, at most 2-3 hours? When I was younger, before I met DH, I used to be quite hot tempered and would stay mad for the entire day or overnight. So this is a big improvement for me which I'm very happy with.

    2. I think to myself ?why waste our precious time staying mad when we can spend the time being happy?? Who wants to stay feeling miserable?  That always works. And also, I can never stay mad at him for long because my heart always softens up when I see how sad he is. I also have to give DH a lot of credit. We work amazingly well together and he gives me very few reasons to be mad.

    I'm glad you and your hubby felt better quicker last night.

     

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  • Awww T... :-). And you know I heart YOU too hee heee! Big Smile 
  • We're one of those couples that blows up at each other and then forgets about it.  Once we let all the anger out of our body (i.e. yelling, venting, working out) we give each other a hug and it's over. The duration is usually less than 10 min for small things and a few hours for big things but I don't think we've been mad at each other for any longer than a day.  It's just not us.
  • We are still working out or "fighting style" but usually it lasts a few hours.

    We try to seperate but sometimes he tries to resolve it too soon and I just need space and it just gets worse. Usually a little time where I can think about how ridiculous it is that I am mad about it lets me cool down enough to bring it up again. Then we can chat it out. The only problem is that he doesn't fight th same way. He tries to resolve it right away and tries to hold me when all I want is to be left alone. By the time I have gotten my space he is done with the issue and most likely will not want to discuss it later. I think it hurts him when I don't want to be toouched but at the same time I don't want to lash out at him for no real reason. I need time to think so I don't over react... he doesn't. We are getting better but it will take time.

    I am glad you have gotten your system down.

  • 1) I get over it really quickly but DH definitely doesn't!  I don't really get mad easily.

    2) I just go in the bedroom and close the door until I cool off. 

     

  • 1. How long do you stay mad? It really depends on the situation--sometimes for a few hours, sometimes one of us will take the high road and back down, just to keep the peace

    2. What do you do about it? (Count to 10, etc) For me, I need some space to cool off. Ultimately we talk about it, whether on the spot or later.

  • If DH will let me just kind of stew about it on my own, I forget completely in like 30 minutes, usually.  I think it gets a little escalated when he wants to talk about it right that minute.  When I talk about it, while still upset, I get too flustered and passionate and heated.  When I take a few minutes to myself first, then come back to talk it over, I'm usually over it enough to have a constructive conversation, a great big hug, and a perfectly pleasant time thereafter.

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  • 1. I have never been one to be mad long.  It also takes a LOT to really get me mad...irritated is something completely different.  I only really get that way when I haven't eaten, haven't slept or when AF comes to town.  But luckily it is a quick snap followed by an apology and me attempting to rectify my mood. 

    2. It has been a really long time since DH and I had an argument...but usually we we handle all disputes calmly.  We each state our case and then we discuss how to move forward.  We are used to dealing with combative people, so we just try to slow the situation down and deal with it one bit at a time.  Seems to work for us.

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  • 1. I don't stay mad for very long, maybe an hour at the most

    2.  I will either try and talk it out with DH or I will go watch TV a cool down.

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  • It really depends on what I'm mad about. Sometimes a few hours will do it, other times it takes several days. We are continually learning to communicate more effectively to avoid some of the problems and talk others out better.
  • 1. my DH has really helped me start working on this - i used to really hold a grudge. Once i was pissed off it was hard to snap out of it. but He DOESNT stay mad and has helped me realize that its pointless, a waste of time, damaging to our relationship and just plain mean. hehe. plus i appreciate it when he gets over stuff easily so i try to do the same for him. im getting SO much better at it.?

    2. I try to NOT focus on alllll the reasons im pissed. I verbalize what mad me mad & then I let go of it. if im having a really hard time getting over it I remove myself by hopping in a shower, going for a walk, taking a trip to the store, surfing the web, whatever gets my mind off what im pissed about.

  • image Mrs.WaterBaby:
    We're one of those couples that blows up at each other and then forgets about it.  Once we let all the anger out of our body (i.e. yelling, venting, working out) we give each other a hug and it's over. The duration is usually less than 10 min for small things and a few hours for big things but I don't think we've been mad at each other for any longer than a day.  It's just not us.

    That pretty much sounds like DH and I. Sometimes venting and yelling is the best therapy for us.

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