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Might I ask for T&P's too???

I get a phone call from T's older sister yesterday afternoon, I answer excitedly and there is no response...I keep saying her name, nothing. Finally I hear her SOBBING on the other end. I ask her what's wrong. Get a little teary eyed myself just KNOWING she is crying and I'm not there with her.

She then says how badly she needs to talk to T. So luckily I had JUST ended my conversation with him on skype, so I quickly call him back and he answers. He gets permission from his flight chief (he was headed to work) to call her.

Anyway, in short. My SIL was at a party and got drunk (she had not had a drink in over 15 years-since HS) and two of her guy friends took her into a bedroom and kept trying to have sex with her. She kept saying NO, they were also trying to get her friend as well, but her friend escaped and left my SIL THERE ALONE. Anyway, SIL is still unsure if these guys did indeed rape her or just messed around. She went and got tested and is waiting for the results. She's working with the police and trying to get him to confess or at least admit to it. 

I am asking each of you to PLEASE keep her in your prayers, she is suffering so much right now and she is trying to call this guy for the second time with a tapped in phone call to get him to admit. He is not answering his phone as of yet and she's pretty stressed out. 

I know that the power of prayer is so incredible that this is why I come to you guys. Y'all are so supportive and I know you'll prayer for her. 

As for this guy, I wish I could throat punch him, knee him in the balls and what not. He is a d**che and doesn't deserve to let this slide by.

Also, I have a few questions. Maybe OJO knows this best. But, she is a bit concerned about continuing with pressing charges etc, due to many reasons. But what are maybe some things I can tell her to do? She's worried about going into court and being attacked by the defense. I told her if she doesn't do this, that he could go out and hurt other girls too. 

I don't know. I just want her to be ok. :( 

ETA: PLEASE any FB friends, do NOT mention this on my profile. PLEASE! Or anything related to it! Thank you! 

image ~~~Jan 31st, 2010. Back together again.~~~

Re: Might I ask for T&P's too???

  • Have the police assigned her a point person to talk to? A particular detective? She can ask that person if pressing charges is going to achieve the results she hopes for. She is the only person who can decide if pressing charges is worth it to her. She doesn't remember what happened, and the defense would exploit that if there's no physical evidence. It would be hard on her, no doubt. She can keep the incident on record without going through with prosecution.

    My prayers are with her and T. I'm sure it's difficult for him to be gone while his sis goes through this. 

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • First and foremost, T&Ps?

    Secondly? if she is truly concerned for her safety; she can ask for police protection.

    Third? she needs to contact her friend; or the police do; to help vouch for her story.

    Asshats like the two douchebags involved in this make me want to plant a malfunctioning bomb in their pants.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:

    Have the police assigned her a point person to talk to? A particular detective? She can ask that person if pressing charges is going to achieve the results she hopes for. She is the only person who can decide if pressing charges is worth it to her. She doesn't remember what happened, and the defense would exploit that if there's no physical evidence. It would be hard on her, no doubt. She can keep the incident on record without going through with prosecution.

    My prayers are with her and T. I'm sure it's difficult for him to be gone while his sis goes through this. 

    She does have a  specific detective assisting her. She told me yesterday that she didn't feel like the detective was much help though, I guess she doesn't believe my SIL. How can you help someone if you don't even believe them? Anyway, I told her she could request another detective. 

    Thank you for your prayers. I did get to talk to T last night and he was crying he feels so bad for his sister. But he did say he felt calm knowing that I was here comforting her and doing what I can to help her. 

    image ~~~Jan 31st, 2010. Back together again.~~~
  • image smiles325:

    She does have a  specific detective assisting her. She told me yesterday that she didn't feel like the detective was much help though, I guess she doesn't believe my SIL. How can you help someone if you don't even believe them? Anyway, I told her she could request another detective. 

    Thank you for your prayers. I did get to talk to T last night and he was crying he feels so bad for his sister. But he did say he felt calm knowing that I was here comforting her and doing what I can to help her. 

    Detectives who work with these types of crimes do genuinely care, even if they can't get a conviction, they do care about the victim. Does she have anyone who can go with her to talk to him?

    Also, even if she can't afford it, she needs counseling, preferably trauma counseling, immediately. If she can't afford it, do research for her into her local/county mental health services. She won't do it on her own most likely, so do the legwork for her. 

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • image KCD053109:

    First and foremost, T&Ps?

    Secondly? if she is truly concerned for her safety; she can ask for police protection.

    Third? she needs to contact her friend; or the police do; to help vouch for her story.

    Asshats like the two douchebags involved in this make me want to plant a malfunctioning bomb in their pants.

    Thank you KCD! :) That is great advice, I'll mention to her about getting the police to contact her friend. I don't know if she's already done that, but I don't think so. 

    And I agree with your comment about the bomb in the pants. 

    image ~~~Jan 31st, 2010. Back together again.~~~
  • image WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    image smiles325:

    She does have a  specific detective assisting her. She told me yesterday that she didn't feel like the detective was much help though, I guess she doesn't believe my SIL. How can you help someone if you don't even believe them? Anyway, I told her she could request another detective. 

    Thank you for your prayers. I did get to talk to T last night and he was crying he feels so bad for his sister. But he did say he felt calm knowing that I was here comforting her and doing what I can to help her. 

    Detectives who work with these types of crimes do genuinely care, even if they can't get a conviction, they do care about the victim. Does she have anyone who can go with her to talk to him?

    Also, even if she can't afford it, she needs counseling, preferably trauma counseling, immediately. If she can't afford it, do research for her into her local/county mental health services. She won't do it on her own most likely, so do the legwork for her. 

    I am not sure if she even wants to see him again. Nor do I know if she has someone who would go with her. However, a miracle did happen. Just a few days ago (after the incident) she received a text from a friend of hers whom she has not spoken with in YEARS, he is a Lawyer and he was asking how she was doing. She obviously felt comfortable enough to tell him, and he jumped right in. He told her he was going to call her work and tell them she can't come in for a few days but then she said how she really needs to work because she needs money, he then said that he will send her money. He's single and has enough money to spare. She is SO grateful for that. So I guess if she really needs someone, he would be a good person to call to go visit this d**che. 

    She does need counseling. Our church has professional counselors able to assist those in such situations, which are free of charge. So she'll be able to go talk with them. 

    image ~~~Jan 31st, 2010. Back together again.~~~
  • So scary.  I will keep her in my p's.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • as a side note about not feeling like the detective believes her or not? it can be very easy to jump to that conclusion because of the state of mind she has to be in.  What she went through is not easy for anyone. Period.  The detective has to be thorough in asking questions, and then repeating those questions for a second, third or fourth time? to make sure that the answers are consistent, a detail wasn't omitted the first time that could be crucial, etc.  In the end, this is to ultimately protect HER by having these statements while all the details are still fresh and not supressed.

    I'm glad that she has a lawyer friend willing to help her out? I hope that she is able to find her routine again as that will help her to move forward as well and not continue to dwell on the horrid incident.  I'm glad that she will seek counseling; it may not be as helpful in the beginning - or it may.  Time will tell on that front.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image smiles325:
    image WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    image smiles325:

    She does have a  specific detective assisting her. She told me yesterday that she didn't feel like the detective was much help though, I guess she doesn't believe my SIL. How can you help someone if you don't even believe them? Anyway, I told her she could request another detective. 

    Thank you for your prayers. I did get to talk to T last night and he was crying he feels so bad for his sister. But he did say he felt calm knowing that I was here comforting her and doing what I can to help her. 

    Detectives who work with these types of crimes do genuinely care, even if they can't get a conviction, they do care about the victim. Does she have anyone who can go with her to talk to him?

    Also, even if she can't afford it, she needs counseling, preferably trauma counseling, immediately. If she can't afford it, do research for her into her local/county mental health services. She won't do it on her own most likely, so do the legwork for her. 

    I am not sure if she even wants to see him again. Nor do I know if she has someone who would go with her. However, a miracle did happen. Just a few days ago (after the incident) she received a text from a friend of hers whom she has not spoken with in YEARS, he is a Lawyer and he was asking how she was doing. She obviously felt comfortable enough to tell him, and he jumped right in. He told her he was going to call her work and tell them she can't come in for a few days but then she said how she really needs to work because she needs money, he then said that he will send her money. He's single and has enough money to spare. She is SO grateful for that. So I guess if she really needs someone, he would be a good person to call to go visit this d**che. 

    She does need counseling. Our church has professional counselors able to assist those in such situations, which are free of charge. So she'll be able to go talk with them. 

    I was just about to say send her to the ward/stake counselor then I saw you are already doing so!:) also, have her get a blessing! Do her parents know, if not she can go to the bishop and not have to worry about people finding out since she would go to him to get set up for counseling anyway; I'm sure you already know this though. Anyway, tons and tons of Prayers coming her way, to be with the people on the case that they will be directed and able to get to the bottom of this, with the friend that she will also have the strength to come forward, with T to feel comfort and peace since I'm sure he feels so helpless being so far away, and to everyone else that know and is involved that they will have strength, courage, comfort and peace during this crappy situation! I'm glad she has you to call on and be there for her!!!! ((HUGS to everyone))
  • T&P for not only her but for you for strength also!!
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • Also, I have been in a Very similar situation...yes it is extremely hard and scary...but I promise they are there to help her and they do care! Like the others have said, they have to be thorough and make sure they have everything down...so they and she is not blind sided with some details the others gave away and she did not! Ugggh makes me so sad for her to go through this!:(
  • I am very sorry.  I will pray for her
  • You got it honey.
    2010 AthensGAHalf official time: 2:37:15
    2011 AthensGAHalf official time: 2:33:31

    Ze Blog
  • I am so sorry for your SIL, it's such a terrible experience.  I truly hope she fights like hell to get some justice for her and, honestly, for all women.  Sending prayers to cope.

  • Praying for her.  Left Hug
  • Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers! I really do appreciate it, as well as T and his sister. I'll keep you all updated!

    Thank you again! ::hugs::

    image ~~~Jan 31st, 2010. Back together again.~~~
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