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She was my bridesmaid but we've drifted so much

One of my bridesmaids had been a really good friend of mine for a brief time, I guess I thought we were closer than we really were because during my engagement she moved away for school and I barely heard from her. After a brief courtship with her boyfriend, they got engaged last December and made their wedding date two weeks after mine. She had been really talkative about my wedding, then silence. At this point I had already asked her to be a bridesmaid so my feelings were a little hurt because I knew she would really need to work on her wedding and probably wouldn't be very invested in mine. I didn't say anything though, hoping for the best. She wasn't invested at all. When she came home from school for a visit I asked her to hang out and she said she couldn't, she had to plan her wedding. That really hurt because I hadn't seen her since she left for school and I would've loved to see her even if it was just helping her with her wedding stuff.

We got an invitation for her wedding and RSVP'ed that we could go. But when that invitation came we were so knee-deep into planning our own wedding that we didn't think twice about the date or the time. We actually didn't think too hard about it until a week and a half after our wedding when we realized their wedding was on a Sunday evening and not a Saturday. It was a beach wedding so it was a 3 hour drive, we couldn't find a hotel room so we were going to go up and back, but at the last minute our dog sitter fell through and we just couldn't make it when it came down to it the day before. It was a huge mess and I felt so bad, apologizing profusely (in an email and text, tried to call but she never answers). I know it probably made her upset, but it just became impossible for us to make it.

I'm worried she won't be understanding and I'm a little worried it might cut off our friendship completely. I don't know what else I can do though, I don't want to pester her. It's ok if our friendship drifts some, but I don't want it to go down in flames. Any advice or thoughts?  

Re: She was my bridesmaid but we've drifted so much

  • stillanestiestillanestie member
    edited August 2016
    I don't know if this is an age thing --- guessing all of you are maybe 20 or 21 -- or if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, friendship wise --- or if both of you were heading in separate directions.

    However, you did commit to her wedding and it was a tremendous faux pas of you and your H to "forget" to attend. Sure she's pissed!

    You commit to a wedding, you attend. No questions asked and only if there is an extreme emergency you attend.

    You Millennials have to understand etiquette is etiquette. You cannot make up your own rules.

    I remember when that happened in my workplace. Groom sent his invitations out and there were no plus ones. One of the guys said to Groom, "I would really like it if Abigail could attend too." (that was his girlfriend) Groom said to the guy, I will ask....

    He was okayed for the guest....and did not show up at either the ceremony or the reception. He never even told the groom on the day of he was not able to attend. No card followed in the mail, a day later, addressed to Bride and Groom, apologizing why he could not be there. 

    He waited for Groom to return from honeymoon and then he finally said "oh man we couldn't be there. Something came up." Wow was the groom po'd.
    And he never sent Groom a gift, either! 

    I strongly suggest you send her a gift. Something monetary will do. GL   
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