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$$$ issues.. (LONG!)

a little back story: Since the beginning L and I have split everything. Bills, Rent, Groceries and sometimes even when we go out. Lately though I've been feeling I'm putting in a little more than he does. I stop by the store to pick up milk, groceries or by Target to pick up little things needed for the house almost every week. I don't ask him for any $$$.  I hate having to ask. I earn more so sometimes that's my "excuse" for him.

The latest issue have been car repairs. We only have one car and I drive it since I work the farthest. I drop him off and pick him up. When the car needed brakes a couple of week back, I took care of it. Didn't ask him for any money. Just last weekend the car yearly maintenance was due so he took it for service on Saturday morning. Come Saturday night he asked me if I was going to give him half of the total repairs. I was livid! I felt sad.

This happens everytime he does something for the house or we go to the store together. He will pay and then ask me for the money. I never do that. Anytime we go to the store and I pay I always just pay and forget about it. He sometimes gives me money for it. Sometimes he doesn't. Whenever I bring the $$$ thing up he tells me : what's going on. I was never like that. I'm becoming selfish. And we end up fighting but with no solution. Sad

I'm sorry for the rambling but I need some insight as to how others handle the $$$ issues in their household. If you'd like to share. Thank you!

Re: $$$ issues.. (LONG!)

  • This seems odd to me. that you guys are that strict on splitting everything. We have seperate checking accounts and split things but dont make it a point of "give me money because I paid for this." I don't know.  You guys are married and in a partnership so I don't see what the big deal is.
  • I'm sorry. I can some what relate: H pays for the big bills like rent, cars and car insurance. I pay for the utilities and Dd's daycare. The last few months I've taken care of the car I drive along with the insurance bill for both of our cars. I too don't ask for the $$.

    Yea, you guys really need to talk it out b/c it'll just be the same arguement over and over again....Yes, I've been there and I hate it!

  • In our house our paychecks are deposited into 3 accounts. One is our personal account, second is for the kids and the third is our savings. When our household bills are paid, we flood a couple hundred to our kids college accounts and save the rest. When we buy something that isn't a necessity we discuss it.  We also do all the bills together so we are both aware of our spending habits and what's available in savings. My H is a bit annoying at times (okay-he's neurotic about saving....) but I can't complain. What we have going works for us:) We hardly ever fight over money and we both feel like we are equal in this marriage.

     

  • What about opening a joint account that you both contribute to?  You could each deposit half your pay or a set amount each month.  Then all common household purchases or car stuff, etc. can be made from that account.  Then neither one of you would have to ask for $$$ from each other.
  • I don't understand why you are so spilt on monies.  You are married (right?) and should be doing things in a partnership.  I agree with pp, what about a joint account that you each put in equally and draw from that when you need to pay bills, repairs, etc.

    I guess I just have a hard time understanding your situation since mine and DH's monies are shared.  If something needs to be paid, we pay it from where the money is, not from a particular person b/c it is their turn.

    Married 6/20/06~Mommy to 2 beautiful girls
  • ARE you married? ?image

    in any case, you need to sit down and talk it out together. ?obviously, it's bothering you, and the two of you need to get it all out on the table and get on the same page, stat. ?otherwise, it'll be a big contribution towards the demise of this relationship.?

    [the bliz-og]
  • I think instead of saying what each other is going to pay the two of you should sit down together and figure out the amount of money that you need to pay all of your on going bills each month.  Then you should open a joint account and both deposit money there.  You should put extra money in there for the extra things that come up, ie. the car repairs.

     

  • Well, this arrangement of splitting the bills isn't working anymore for you, so you need to change it.  Fortunately, you have many options available to you.

    Some people put all the money in one big pot and go from there.

    Some people put a some money in a big pot for general expenses and allocate personal spending money (either equal amounts or a % of income) in separate accounts.

    Some people keep things separate and handle separate bills, but know that if money is needed, it's a simple as transferring money between accounts with no fuss or drama.

    The point is feel like you're equal partners and not to be taking a mental accounting of all your purchases (he owes me this... I owe him that)

    I'd suggest that you read Smart Couples Finish Rich.  It's a good way to get a look at the broader picture of your finances.  What are your savings goals - retirement, downpayment, college funds, vacations?  How are you going to reach them?  If you have the big picture in place - you can start looking at the small everyday expenses.

    Finally, you should also look at your monthly spending like Mindy suggested...

     

     

  • Thank you for your points / ideas / comments.

    Makes me rethink the money situation in our home... you ladies got me thinking.

  • I am sorry you are going through this. ?I really can't relate DH & I had a joint account even before we were engaged. ?Knock on wood we haven't had a fight about $$$. We have been surviving on one income for the past 3 years. ?SO he has paid for everything and has not complained once about it! ?When I did work my check just went in to our account as does his.

    I agree with pp you two need to sit down and come to an agreement, right now it seems as though you are not married or participating in a partnership.?

  • As for DH and me, we pool our paychecks into a joint account.  I pretty much handle all of our finances because I'm just better at it.  DH admits that if he handled it, we'd be broke.  However, this works for us.

    image insominac:

    I'd suggest that you read Smart Couples Finish Rich.  It's a good way to get a look at the broader picture of your finances.  What are your savings goals - retirement, downpayment, college funds, vacations?  How are you going to reach them?  If you have the big picture in place - you can start looking at the small everyday expenses.

    I second this.  This book might give you a good start to get the 2 of you talking.  Finance can be a sensitive subject especially since you've been doing it a certain way for a while.  Sometimes, meeting with a financial advisor can be a good idea because there is a third party and neither one if fighting to have it "their way."

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