Family Matters

My Dad: Retirement Woes

Backstory. He is now 69. And for the past few years he has told my sister, Mom and me that he will retire at 70 so he can receive full SS benefits. He has worked for the same architectural firm for the past 40-50 years (don't know exact dates) and is now a vice president.

Well he will be 70 in February 2014.

His retirement is very, very sound. My mom, 8 years younger, will still be working (RN) for a few more years to carry some health insurance for them, but she too has a comfortable salary, retirement, and pension.

Now, he is backing away from retiring. He sent us this newspaper clipping PDF of the American Airlines flight attendant who just retired at 75. Now he wants to retire at 75.

I cannot blame him. I know there is great security for him and he has done this for so long now that it is ingrained in him. I know he wonders, "What will happen to me once I lose this meaningful part of my life?"

He isn't a lazy guy, so he will volunteer (I know this for a fact) and he will be involved in his daughters' and grand kids' lives.

But, my question is....has anybody else faced this with a parent or family member who refuses to retire? How did you help them ease into the transition?

It's his choice. He is of sound mind. But, we as his family are torn because we want to have him/them be near us (he and my mom live two states away) and they are missing grand kid time.

How do you help someone see that he can and should enjoy his golden years and the fruits of his labor before they dry up?

Re: My Dad: Retirement Woes

  • Obviously, as you stated, it's his choice. You can tell him that if he were to retire you would love to spend more time with him. But ultimately you have to respect his decision.
  • You don't.  It's his choice.  Maybe he'll retire at 75 and live to 95 and have plenty of time to enjoy himself.  Either way it's up to him, not you.
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  • image Kimbus22:
    You don't.  It's his choice.  Maybe he'll retire at 75 and live to 95 and have plenty of time to enjoy himself
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  • You buy him a set of golf clubs.

    Encourage him to reduce to a part time role in the company. He built and nurtured this company, of course he doesn't want to leave. I wouldn't either. It's like raising a child in some ways - at one point you have

  • You're assuming that working means he isn't enjoying himself.  And why are you assuming that they'll move to you when they retire?  Esp if your mom still has a number of years to work  yet? 

    My ILs are retired and they ta

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  • Surprise... MommyLiberty is once again overly involved in someone's life where she shouldn't be.
  • It sounds like your main concern is what's best for you, not what's best for your dad, and that seems pretty selfish. If I were him, I would find your patronizing attitude really obnoxious.  Please respect his right to make his own life decisions.<br
  • Well, he has been very open about discussing all these things with his retirement with my sister and me and he repeatedly asks for our opinions/advice. Which we give him, when asked.

    I was more asking if anyone has faced this with a parent family

  • This is a mind your own business scenario. It doesn't sound like he has any health reasons why he should retire at this point, and it sounds like he gets a lot of fulfillment out of his job. If he's happy, then he should do what he wants. MIL is like this
  • image MommyLiberty5013:

    Well, he has been very open about discussing all these things with his retirement with my sister and me and he r

  • I'll be the one to actually answer your real question instead of picking out one small point and ripping you for it, ML. 

    My dad is almost to this point. He is 63, and has worked seasonally for almost 20 years. Every winter is a major bummer

  • I wasn't really trying to ripon you, but I still think you shouldn't force the issue. You can express a desire to spend more time with him and give him ideas as to how he could fill his time, but he just might not be ready. If he is in good health and hap
  • I just wanted to point out that many people, especially men, see their "work" as something that is apart of them and they don't want to part with.

    Perhaps suggest to your dad that he brings up working part time for a few years at the firm, or eve

  • image Brina105:

    I just wanted to point out that many people, especially men, see their "work" as something that is apart of them and the

  • image MommyLiberty5013:

    Never mind then. I was just seeking some perspective from people who had actually faced this as a family. Not ju

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  • image MommyLiberty5013:

    Well, he has been very open about discussing all these things with his retirement with my sister and me and he r

    image
  • Perhaps the conversation he had was because he wanted to be up front that your preferred scenario wasn't ever a possibility. As in he was telling you rather than seeking your opinion.

    So long as his wife is working, he's not free to move.

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