May 2012 Weddings
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She Said Yes!

My brother ended up proposing to his GF on Christmas night. It wasn't planned and he decided to do it then at the last minute. Running from her mom's house, to her dad's to ask his permission, to my parents house (where he lives) to get the ring and then back to her mom's house. She said he was acting weird and then mumbled over some words and said, "Will You Marry Me" on one knee and when he opened the ring box he broke it because he was so nervous! It was a cute story :)

Because she wouldn't be done with her Masters (if she goes to grad school) until May of 2015 I thought they wouldn't be getting married before that but they said they are thinking of June 2014, which is pretty soon.. and she has already asked her BMs she has 7 of them... my brother asked his BF to be the BM and DH to be a GM. She says he needs to have 7 too...

I really hope *** doesn't hit the fan with the WP because she asked so soon... and I hate myself for saying this a little, but I am slightly sad that she didn't ask me to be a BM... I know, I know we should never assume we are in someone's wedding party, the girl choses her girls and the guy choses his guys. I asked my FSIL and DH asked my brother. It was important to us that our families be beside us on our wedding day. I know not everyone thinks this way.

Plus I am not thrilled about not sitting with DH during my brother's wedding, I know if I was a BM we wouldn't be sitting together either but with him standing up there I feel kind of left out of my own brother's wedding.

I know, I know I am sounding like those crazy people we hated when we planned our weddings. Everything is still in the early stages, but I already feel so left out of the one of the most important days of my brother's life.

I am sorry I sound so crazy. 

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Re: She Said Yes!

  • That's so great that she said yes! And I know we should never assume we are in someone's wedding but sometimes you think you know people well enough. 

    My MOH who is my cousin is getting married Nov 2013 and so far she has not even asked me to be in her wedding but she has also not asked anyone to be in the wedding so there is still a chance BUT I know for sure she is asking her 2 SIL's. So we will see.

    Sorry she didn't ask you but just think of it this way it's one less thing for you to worry with and now you can relax some and enjoy your brother's wedding. 

  • so exciting they are engaged! I absolutly know how you feel. my brother was in my wedding and when he got married in August, I wasnt a BM either and I couldnt help but feel a little hurt. Made me glad I asked FSIL to be a bridesmaid! In fact, I would have asked my brother's now wife, but they didnt get engaged until after we chose our wedding party..Anyway, its still over a year away things could change and maybe you'll be asked after all! congrats on getting a new sister!
  • I agree that it's pretty early for her to be choosing a wedding party. They've been engaged for three days!!

    Maybe they have another way for you to be involved? H didn't want to ask my brothers to be GMs, but I really wanted them to be involved, so we asked them to be ushers. Maybe since she already has 7 BMs they'll ask you to do a reading or something else.

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  • image bpphoto785:

    I agree that it's pretty early for her to be choosing a wedding party. They've been engaged for three days!!

    Maybe they have another way for you to be involved? H didn't want to ask my brothers to be GMs, but I really wanted them to be involved, so we asked them to be ushers. Maybe since she already has 7 BMs they'll ask you to do a reading or something else.

    We had a similar thing brother was not a GM but we had him do a reading at the church which made him a part of our day.


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  • Aw, congrats to them!

    It's possible that the bride-to-be already had 7 girls in mind to be bridesmaids (before she met your brother even, you know how girls can be) and didn't want to have more than that. Therefore, your brother simply had to start picking extra guys, like your H, to match her numbers. When I was planning on having bridesmaids, I wouldn't have chosen my H's sister to be one of them even though he was going to add my cousin as a GM. I had my 7 girls (all of my sisters) and didn't want any more than that (7 is too many IMO, but I couldn't exclude one of my sisters). My H doesn't have a sister anyway, thank goodness, and we ended up just having a MOH and a Best Man, nobody else. My BFF chose one of her H's sisters to be a bridesmaid ONLY b/c her H had more GM's, so she had to add a girl. 

    All that is to say: don't take it personally. Plus, it's still really soon so their plans might change. If you must be involved, ask to do a reading during the ceremony, or give a toast at the reception. But the ceremony only lasts an hour or so? I'm sure you'll enjoy it just as much from the audience along with the rest of your family. 

  • Exciting for your family!

    I do agree with all the points you brought up though, and don't feel bad for feeling bad that you aren't likely going to be in the WP.  I'd feel the same way.  I guess I always thought the girls on TK were crazy for their "I don't give a sh#t what my husband thinks, it's MY wedding they are MY bridesmaids so I'm going to have who I want and my future husband has NO say!" attitude.  I think a wedding is about the bride and groom coming together, and that attitude isn't the best way to kick off a marriage IMO.  

    We both decided it was important to have my brother/his sister in the WP.  I guess I just feel like unless the sibling isn't close at all, or there are like 5 sisters or something, you should really consider including them.  I know I only have one brother and I'd be a little sad too if I wasn't included in the WP.  If she has picked all 7 as friends, she probably won't be friends (or at least close friends) with them in 10 years, but she'll have you as a SIL.

    Maybe not everyone agrees with my opinion, but I'm on your (secretly disappointed) side =]  Just focus on the positive - you won't have to buy a BM dress you'll probably never wear again or deal with all the other downsides of being in a WP!

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  • I would feel the same way.  I can't believe she asked her BMs already!  Alot could happen between now and then!  My MOH decided not to have a MOH so she didn't have to pick between her besties...I just kept telling myslef well now I don't have to spend as much as I would have and don't have as much responsibility!  So think of it as a cost savings.
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  • Thank you all so much for your kind words! The positives are that I won't have to buy a BM dress I will likely never wear again or have to be involved in any other BM/WP drama. Plus having people stare at me while I walk down the aisle...  And they may still ask me to do a reading which I would be fine doing...

    I guess the part that mostly hurts is that DH was asked, I think because him and my brother hang out... frequently... but 99% of the time they do, me and FSIL are with them. We have been hanging out with them for 5 years... they have been together as long as DH and I... so thats 5 years of hanging out at family events and we have family dinner at my parents house every Sunday for the last year. Plus I have hung out with FSIL way more than my own SIL who I asked to be a BM.

    She asked her sister and BFF to be MOHs, her 3 college roommates, and I think 2 other friends. The likelihood she is still friends with them in 10 years is highly unlikely. My sister doesn't talk to 2 of her BMs and my parents still struggle to remember theirs. I thought about asking her to be a BM in my wedding, but their relationship was pretty shaky back then (she almost didn't come to our wedding because of their issues) plus she was his GF. If they were engaged she definitely would have been a BM.

    I wonder if she will change because my brother even made a comment when she said her 3 college roommates would be BM and my brother said you probably won't ever talk to them again. I just feel snubbed and I can't get rid of this feeling!

    Thanks again ladies, you make me feel less crazy :) 

    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • You definitely aren't crazy, and after your more in-depth explanation I'd feel snubbed, too - esp. if my H was picked to be in the WP and I wasn't!  Not to knock your FSIL, but it sounds like it might have been a spur-of-the moment impulse decision without any real thought behind it.  Personally, if I was planning on asking my FSIL to be in it and I heard my FI was planning on NOT asking my brother, there'd be a discussion...but I guess that's just me!

     Either way, there is a lot of time for things to change between now and then. 

    photo trex2_zps7ab4e9b0.jpg
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I would try not to take it too personal its easy to feel snubbed but in her defense you don't want to be picked out of guilt. I didn't ask my SIL to be in my wedding either and it wasn't anything personal I just had other girls I wanted there initially over her. She may have just picked her close friends in the excitement
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