Post Vasectomy Blues

My husband had a vasectomy one week ago and is going through a depression that is weighing heavily on our marriage.  His healing process is slow, but is probably going slower because of his attitude right now. (he won't use any pain meds or ice because he doesn't believe in pain management)  I cannot talk to him about it as he has indicated to just be patient and give him some time.  So, in the meanwhile, there is silence in the house, we go about on our own and it's awful.  Now, I am having regrets also in not just keeping my IUD appointment and taking care of birth control on my own. Being fearful of becoming pregnant (even with condoms) has not done our sex life much good, at least for me up to this point.  His feelings about hormones swayed my decision to go back on the pill long term and the Essure  surgery was not what I wanted to have done.  Coming to the decision of his surgery was not without prodding and while he did sort of offer several times, it was not like he was giving me a wonderful gift from husband to wife (like a few other couples we know of).  He tossed out the information booklet in defiance prior to the procedure so was unaware of the pre op directions and what to expect post op,  He even was quite rude to the surgeon that day.  I sort of wished that I needed a c-section for my second so that I could have had my tubes tied then and we would not have had to deal with his attitude, now.  Ultimately,  I believe he knows deep down that having more children just is not going to work for our situation with our advanced ages, financial status, and juggling our two little ones with us both working full time, but he wouldn't mind if I got pregnant again,  Everything just works out in the end as he says.  He comes from a very large family and rough background and his attitude of "everything always just works out in the end" isn't how I am wired.  I have to think ahead, being the breadwinner for the moment, and plan and make sure I have all of our t's crossed and i's dotted.  We are so blessed with our two beautiful children right now.  I wasn't even supposed to have been able to conceive either. without assistance.  To become pregnant so quickly after we were married was a miracle.   So, both of these kiddos are what we have to be so thankful for and I want us to be able to raise them in the best environment that we are able.   I guess I just needed to vent for now and I thank you for listening out there.
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Re: Post Vasectomy Blues

  • The horse is out of the barn -- if he wasn't 100% on the bus with a vasectomy, you and he should have held off on it indefinitely.

    You and he still have differences regarding the size of your family. You do not wish to bear any more kids; he wouldn't mind it if you got pregnant again.

    The 2 of you are also not exactly a couple of carefree millionaires. YOu are wise to want to forgo having a larger family.

    Did he also think over the option of banking his sperm before surgery? Maybe he'd have been all for the surgery had he banked his sperm; that's only my guess.

    I suggest counseling. Do it now before some sort of a blow up and rift occurs in your marriage.  YOu mentioned advanced ages, you're the only breadwinner and you do not wish to have any more kids; how about how you feel about more kids? Didn't he take that into consideration?
  • Late late follow up. I have Stage 3 bilateral breast cancer diagnosed 1 year after this original post. Currently still in treatment and definitely would have been in big trouble had my husband not gone through the vasectomy. I can not have any risk of pregnancy with all that my body has been through and our lives would not be able to support any more children fairly and lovingly. Somehow, God had us endure the process for some reason as cancer was looming in the cards for us. Now, dealing with the tobacco addiction over and over again with all that we are going through....
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  • Oh no!  I'm so sorry to hear about your medical issues.  I hope you have a speedy and cancer-free recovery.
  • Cancer diagnosis can be incredibly difficult on a relationship. I had stage 2 breast cancer in my early 30's and my marriage did not make it. It is very important to recognize the effects of illness on your marriage and address that fully. Hugs and good luck.
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