Relationships

He wants to be cuddled more at night....

I can't believe I am posting this here...but I am at a total loss!  I thought we reached a level of understanding....but he is starting to get upset again.

I have been with my boyfriend for a year...I am also 6 months pregnant. (Yup...big, unplanned surprise)   We have been living together for a few months now.  His big issue with our relationship is that I do not cuddle him enough at night.  If he wakes up and sees I am facing the other direction (when you are pregnant you HAVE to sleep on your side--no sleeping on back or stomach) he gets very upset and will wake me up...usually with a sarcastic remark.

At first when this became a big issue (about the time we moved in together) I almost laughed at him.  I have never heard of a grown man making an issue out of NOT being cuddled while he sleeps.  I usually cuddle with him while we fall asleep (and while we watch TV before bed each evening) but apparently this is not enough.  

I have tried to logically explain to him that I have to sleep on both sides because my hips ache if I lay on one side too long.  (He thinks this is just an excuse to turn away from him)  I have tried pointing out that HE sleeps with his back towards me some of the night also.  He tells me that isn't 'the same thing'

My hips have really been bothering me over the last month (normal pregnancy symptom) and he has stopped grumbling over this issue....I was hoping we were getting past it.   The last couple nights he has started grumbling about my 'coldness' once again.

This usually leads to far bigger issues....arguments that can go on for days. I am NOT kidding...He will get THAT angry over this issue.  I am exhausted just thinking about what lays ahead if I don't 'solve' this problem immediately.

NONE of this seems normal to me....it seems childish and totally needy.  I have tried every possible approach with him so far....I am running out of patience.

Re: He wants to be cuddled more at night....

  • wow. I'm kinda still at a loss for words. I don't even want to go into the potential of you being stuck with a crazy childish guy and a baby. Only you know the full reality of your relationship.

     

    For the sleeping bit...um...I think 99-1000000000% of couples move around at night. I sleep on both sides as well as my back & stomach (I'm a pretty rotatey gal).  He also adjusts in his sleep. THAT'S NORMAL, even when not pregnant. People adjust to temperature, comfort, etc. Sometimes you are the big spoon, sometimes you're the little spoon. Sometimes you get butt sleep (two butts together), maybe some people can do the sleeping-on-arm thing (I can't - my neck hurts too much). Maybe make a deal that instead of being mad, he can adjust to you turning over by taking the Big Spoon spot, and then HE STILL GETS CUDDLES! You're not taking them away, you're rearranging them. It's probably easier with your growing belly to sleep close in this position anyway. Sheesh.

  • I have concerns about this. He is upset about something you have no control over. People move around in their sleep and don't even realize it. You turning you back to him while sleeping shouldn't be an issue especially if you're saying good night on good terms. I sleep with my back to my husband pretty much each night so that our dog won't lay there licking my face until he (the dog) falls asleep.

    I would be concerned on what his behavior is going to be like after he has to share you with the baby and the baby is taking away time for him. Maybe he's getting needy now because he knows he's not going to be the center of your attention after the baby is born. But I would still use this situation as a yellow flag for behaviour going forward.

  • Tell him to grow the F up. Seriously. If he wants to cuddle with you in the middle of the night, he can be the big spoon. And that is you compromising. Honestly, he sounds like an immature baby. Are you sure you want to marry him?

    I would be pissed off if my H woke me up in the middle of the night because my back was to him! We would have words and then he would be sleeping on the couch. I am not a nice person when woken up in the middle of the night. I'm not pregnant either.

  • image srgw:

    Tell him to grow the F up. Seriously. If he wants to cuddle with you in the middle of the night, he can be the big spoon. And that is you compromising. Honestly, he sounds like an immature baby. Are you sure you want to marry him?

    I would be pissed off if my H woke me up in the middle of the night because my back was to him! We would have words and then he would be sleeping on the couch. I am not a nice person when woken up in the middle of the night. I'm not pregnant either.

    I agree with all this!! Put a pillow and a blanket in a bag on your side of the bed. Next time he wakes you up, hand him the bag and kick him out with the door locked. He sounds unstable on a level.... 

  • image srgw:

    Tell him to grow the F up. Seriously. If he wants to cuddle with you in the middle of the night, he can be the big spoon. And that is you compromising. Honestly, he sounds like an immature baby. Are you sure you want to marry him?

    I would be pissed off if my H woke me up in the middle of the night because my back was to him! We would have words and then he would be sleeping on the couch. I am not a nice person when woken up in the middle of the night. I'm not pregnant either.

    Ditto all of this. To wake you up in the middle of the night is not normal, in fact it is very controlling. I would rethink this relationship. How is he going to react when the baby arrives and you are breastfeeding or giving the baby more attention them him? If you aren't prepared to leave b/c you think it will change please have an exit plan and money saved for when it does happen.


     

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  • image letzgoracing81:

    I can't believe I am posting this here...but I am at a total loss!  I thought we reached a level of understanding....but he is starting to get upset again.

    I have been with my boyfriend for a year...I am also 6 months pregnant. (Yup...big, unplanned surprise)   We have been living together for a few months now.  His big issue with our relationship is that I do not cuddle him enough at night.  If he wakes up and sees I am facing the other direction (when you are pregnant you HAVE to sleep on your side--no sleeping on back or stomach) he gets very upset and will wake me up...usually with a sarcastic remark.

    At first when this became a big issue (about the time we moved in together) I almost laughed at him.  I have never heard of a grown man making an issue out of NOT being cuddled while he sleeps.  I usually cuddle with him while we fall asleep (and while we watch TV before bed each evening) but apparently this is not enough.  

    I have tried to logically explain to him that I have to sleep on both sides because my hips ache if I lay on one side too long.  (He thinks this is just an excuse to turn away from him)  I have tried pointing out that HE sleeps with his back towards me some of the night also.  He tells me that isn't 'the same thing'

    My hips have really been bothering me over the last month (normal pregnancy symptom) and he has stopped grumbling over this issue....I was hoping we were getting past it.   The last couple nights he has started grumbling about my 'coldness' once again.

    This usually leads to far bigger issues....arguments that can go on for days. I am NOT kidding...He will get THAT angry over this issue.  I am exhausted just thinking about what lays ahead if I don't 'solve' this problem immediately.

    NONE of this seems normal to me....it seems childish and totally needy.  I have tried every possible approach with him so far....I am running out of patience.



    A guy who wants to cuddle????

    Usually they want to get slammed, banged, blown, ream steamed and dry cleaned every which way until next Superbowl Sunday.

    And not cuddle.

    But he wants to cuddle....

    I smell something fishy here indeed.

    This relationship you have with him sounds like it ain't worth a plumb nickel. I wouldn't bet on anyone who gets that argumentive and divisive over that kind of a very very small issue. This is immature and just plain bad.

    And an argument that goes on for how long? Why the heck do you want a guy who turns something minor into Sherman's March to the Sea, Agincourt and The War of 1812??

    Why do you want to live your life walking on eggs around him and why do you want a guy who is pissy and always in the mood for a fight?

    Get rid of him.

    That's what I would do if I were you.  Who needs the bullshit arguments and the babyishness? You don't.

  • image Erikan73:

    I would be concerned on what his behavior is going to be like after he has to share you with the baby and the baby is taking away time for him. Maybe he's getting needy now because he knows he's not going to be the center of your attention after the baby is born. But I would still use this situation as a yellow flag for behaviour going forward.

    Heck!  I give his behavior a RED FLAG.  

    It is unhealthy, immature and abusive.  I would run now. 

  • image TarponMonoxide:



    A guy who wants to cuddle????

    Usually they want to get slammed, banged, blown, ream steamed and dry cleaned every which way until next Superbowl Sunday.

    And not cuddle.

    But he wants to cuddle....

    I smell something fishy here indeed.

    This relationship you have with him sounds like it ain't worth a plumb nickel. I wouldn't bet on anyone who gets that argumentive and divisive over that kind of a very very small issue. This is immature and just plain bad.

    And an argument that goes on for how long? Why the heck do you want a guy who turns something minor into Sherman's March to the Sea, Agincourt and The War of 1812??

    Why do you want to live your life walking on eggs around him and why do you want a guy who is pissy and always in the mood for a fight?

    Get rid of him.

    That's what I would do if I were you.  Who needs the bullshit arguments and the babyishness? You don't.

    Don't knock it until you try it. When I was a guy I liked to cuddle at night. I also liked it when she initiated sex, and I liked pleasuring my mate more than myself. I also liked it when she took control in the bedroom. Go figure. :p
  • image TarponMonoxide:
    image letzgoracing81:

    I can't believe I am posting this here...but I am at a total loss!  I thought we reached a level of understanding....but he is starting to get upset again.

    I have been with my boyfriend for a year...I am also 6 months pregnant. (Yup...big, unplanned surprise)   We have been living together for a few months now.  His big issue with our relationship is that I do not cuddle him enough at night.  If he wakes up and sees I am facing the other direction (when you are pregnant you HAVE to sleep on your side--no sleeping on back or stomach) he gets very upset and will wake me up...usually with a sarcastic remark.

    At first when this became a big issue (about the time we moved in together) I almost laughed at him.  I have never heard of a grown man making an issue out of NOT being cuddled while he sleeps.  I usually cuddle with him while we fall asleep (and while we watch TV before bed each evening) but apparently this is not enough.  

    I have tried to logically explain to him that I have to sleep on both sides because my hips ache if I lay on one side too long.  (He thinks this is just an excuse to turn away from him)  I have tried pointing out that HE sleeps with his back towards me some of the night also.  He tells me that isn't 'the same thing'

    My hips have really been bothering me over the last month (normal pregnancy symptom) and he has stopped grumbling over this issue....I was hoping we were getting past it.   The last couple nights he has started grumbling about my 'coldness' once again.

    This usually leads to far bigger issues....arguments that can go on for days. I am NOT kidding...He will get THAT angry over this issue.  I am exhausted just thinking about what lays ahead if I don't 'solve' this problem immediately.

    NONE of this seems normal to me....it seems childish and totally needy.  I have tried every possible approach with him so far....I am running out of patience.



    A guy who wants to cuddle????

    Usually they want to get slammed, banged, blown, ream steamed and dry cleaned every which way until next Superbowl Sunday.

    And not cuddle.

    But he wants to cuddle....

    I smell something fishy here indeed.

    This relationship you have with him sounds like it ain't worth a plumb nickel. I wouldn't bet on anyone who gets that argumentive and divisive over that kind of a very very small issue. This is immature and just plain bad.

    And an argument that goes on for how long? Why the heck do you want a guy who turns something minor into Sherman's March to the Sea, Agincourt and The War of 1812??

    Why do you want to live your life walking on eggs around him and why do you want a guy who is pissy and always in the mood for a fight?

    Get rid of him.

    That's what I would do if I were you.  Who needs the bullshit arguments and the babyishness? You don't.

    It's not crazy for a guy to want to cuddle. My husband likes cuddling. Especially after sex. He understands that it takes more then just sex to remain close to a spouse. He also understands you don't smother a person with it either.

    It's not the cuddling itself that is fishy...It's the OPs boyfriends attitude.

    OP, I would highly highly recommend holding off on any other commitment until he gets his attitude in check. 

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  • There is something seriously wrong with your boyfriend.  I understand wanting to cuddle, but to wake you up in the middle of the night and demand that you hold him, even though it causes you physical pain, is absolutely terrible.  Then on top of that to start a days long fight ?

     Listen, OP, this is not normal, this is not healthy and in my opinion abusive.  I have a feeling that once the baby is here, he will become resentful and jealous.

    I really don't know what to tell you.  You have already explained to him how you feel and how it hurts to stay in the same position all night, and all he does is turn that against you.  I don't see a healthy, happy future with this man.  Honestly, I would cut your losses and get out of this unhealthy relationship. 

  • I agree. the cuddling is fine.....the attitude/behavior ISNT.

     have you talked about WHY he feels so strongly about cuddling?  did he used to have a blanket or stuffed animal that he held onto every night? is he afraid you'll leave him and wants the reassurance that you're there at night?  truly trying to understand him might give you some insight as to how to help him.

    i repeat. try to HELP him...cuz clearly something is wrong here. this isn't normal behavior.  how does he define cuddling??   when your back is to him, can you move a foot backwards so its on his leg? can you butt-to-butt sleep so he can at least feel you next to him? can you suggest he puts an arm over you? (aka be the big spoon?) 

     

    try a few things. if it's still not improving, talk to him about calling in some professional help.  If you both want the relationship to work, you need to make sure you BOTH are happy.  calling in help will assist in finding a solution and common ground in the issue.  If he's not open to this suggestion....then truthfully, its not worth having him around.  a healthy relationship requires 2 people willing to do the work to keep the relationship healthy.

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