I don't know how to do this.. I need to stop being such a pain in the ass *** to my husband. This is going to be long..
I have always, since as long as I can remember had mood swings, or more like, just an anger swing. When I was a kid/teen it was always directed at my mom, who was nothing but nice to me. She is a great mom and always was, I would just get mad over the stupidest crap and then throw a tantrum. I'm happy to say that our relationship has been repaired since I moved out and got married.
We've been married almost 5 years, and the whole time I have had these fits.. I just get mad at him and will chew him out and escalate until he is mad too. He is a very calm kind of person and has just put up with it the last couple of years.. they haven't been that often. Usually it happens at night when I'm really tired or when I'm hungry and something annoys me. It's not even him, it's just anything that sets me off and I direct it at him.
Since my daughter was born, it's been worse, and worse the last few weeks especially as we've all been sick and it's just been really hard. I love my daughter and family more than anything, and I don't want to tear it apart and I don't want to teach my daughter this is okay.
I just don't know how to stop. I am always trying to come up with ways to cope and to just not freak out and in the moment, I just never remember any of it. I remember afterwords and then feel terrible for the next day or two.
Last night I did it again and today my husband sent me an email while he was at work saying something has to change and that he's considering pulling the plug on us, paying child support.. or having me get a job and him stay home, but I know that none of this will fix ME. I will still have these freak outs and still direct them at whomever I love. I am scared I will start to do it to my daughter as she gets older.
I just need some advice.. I feel like the worst mom in the world. This isn't what good mom's do.