I'm a pretty self sufficient woman. I'm also a bit of an over achiever so I lack perspective on what more reasonable people embody. I'm engaged to a man I adore. He fascinates, challenges, encourages, loves, snuggles, and adores me. He is a very kind, gentle man. Overall, our lives are pretty frickin' awesome and I'm often sublimely happy. But he's not as mature as I want him to be. That is a particular choice of words because I have no sense of how mature is 'enough', particularly since he is continuing to grow in wonderful ways.
The things that frustrate me are mostly the complete inability to see a problem that needs to be dealt with, and just deal with it. Even when I point things out (We're having an issue with X, can you Y?) and he agrees, it takes LOTS of reminders, prompting, sometimes step-by-step instruction. I learned this skill at 5 and 10 and 15. I had it mastered before I left for college. How can he, in his 30's, still totally suck at it? Is this a general thing most adults can't do? Most men? Most people who lived single lives until recently? Can you be a grown-up without this fundamental skill?
I know the most useful and kind response to my repeated disappointment and frustration is not to be angry, but to teach and see that he is growing....but it's so tiring. I have the weight of our household responsibilities, paying bills, the finances, the car, the travel planning, and most of the motivation/planning for any non-routine activities. I'm tired!