Relationships

I want a second baby

My fianc? and I have been together for 7 years and have been engaged for 2. We have a beautiful baby boy who is currently 18 months old. Life has changed a lot since he came into our lives and a lot of stuff has been put on hold - obtaining my 4 year degree (currently only have my associates), buying a house, getting married, basically anything you can think of that has to do with time and finances. It is very important for us to have siblings that are close in age however I don't think our lives are prepared for any additions just yet (although I have baby fever like crazy and would enjoy nothing more than to have another). I'm a stay at home mom now because I've had bad experiences with daycare and babysitting, so my fianc? is the only one bringing money in. Therefore, I can't continue school to earn more money for a house or to save up for a wedding and the apartment that we live in can hardly hold the 3 of us. I need help! My body and heart are telling me one thing but the world I live in is telling me another.  It's almost to the point where it's causing me to be depressed :(

Re: I want a second baby

  • I'm thinking you have PPD or life situation depression. Here is a reality check: go back to school, get your degree and then think about having another baby. First, you need to go to counseling. I don't know what has happened with past babysitting or Daycare, but you need to keep looking. 
  • Oh and BS on not being able to pay for a wedding. It cost like 35.00 at the Justice of the Peace. Having a child sometimes means we don't get the pretty princess day we dreamed of. You could always look at it as, when you get your house it took the place of a wedding.
  • image MLE2010:
    Oh and BS on not being able to pay for a wedding. It cost like 35.00 at the Justice of the Peace. Having a child sometimes means we don't get the pretty princess day we dreamed of. You could always look at it as, when you get your house it took the place of a wedding.

     

    i refuse to give up on my dreams of having a big beautiful wedding. It's really important to me. I'm just fighting myself because what I want and what I know is reality are two different things.  

  • You absolutely need to prioritize here-school, housing, saving money=important. Big wedding, second child before all of those previous thing=not important. I'm all for weddings and kids if you are ready and can afford it, but you can't at this point. For the sake of the child you already have, take care of that business before having another.
  • image allxdreamsxlost:

    image MLE2010:
    Oh and BS on not being able to pay for a wedding. It cost like 35.00 at the Justice of the Peace. Having a child sometimes means we don't get the pretty princess day we dreamed of. You could always look at it as, when you get your house it took the place of a wedding.

     

    i refuse to give up on my dreams of having a big beautiful wedding. It's really important to me. I'm just fighting myself because what I want and what I know is reality are two different things.  

    how old are you?  you sound like a child.  i'm going to guess you're 20 years old and you've been with this guy since, like, middle school.  if you're any older than that, you need to realize that this is what you sound like.  please don't have any more children until you grow up a little (or a lot).  there are enough children in the world who belong to childish parents as it is. 

  • I'm sure that as your son gets older, he'll feel really good knowing that his mommy's desire for a pretty princess day was more important than making him legitimate. 

    And yes, keep cranking out babies.  By all means.  I absolutely love knowing that my taxes are supporting people with baby fever without the means to afford them. It gives me the warm fuzzies. 

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • image allxdreamsxlost:

    image MLE2010:
    Oh and BS on not being able to pay for a wedding. It cost like 35.00 at the Justice of the Peace. Having a child sometimes means we don't get the pretty princess day we dreamed of. You could always look at it as, when you get your house it took the place of a wedding.

     

    i refuse to give up on my dreams of having a big beautiful wedding. It's really important to me. I'm just fighting myself because what I want and what I know is reality are two different things.  

    Are you kidding me?!? You need to grow up. You made the adult choice to have a child, you come in here whining that you want ANOTHER child yet you still feel entitled to get what you have always wanted? Give me a friggin break. Get your head on straight, finish school, get a job, go to the JOP and get married. All of this is called being an adult. A grown up one.

    Stop fighting yourself and face reality. No second kid, no wedding. You put the cart before the horse, deal with it. 

  • image allxdreamsxlost:

    image MLE2010:
    Oh and BS on not being able to pay for a wedding. It cost like 35.00 at the Justice of the Peace. Having a child sometimes means we don't get the pretty princess day we dreamed of. You could always look at it as, when you get your house it took the place of a wedding.

     

    i refuse to give up on my dreams of having a big beautiful wedding. It's really important to me. I'm just fighting myself because what I want and what I know is reality are two different things.  

    I'm sorry, but I think the ship has sailed on the big beautiful wedding.  You and your FI have been together for 7 years and haven't had one yet despite being engaged for 2 years.   If it was that important to the both of you, you would have done it already, so I think its time to either quit dreaming about the beautiful wedding or just get it over with a very very small wedding.

    What happened with the babysitter/ daycare?  Were they not very good because you were trying to go cheap and did not go to someone reputable?  My daycare is very good, but they are expensive.  If it is cheaper for you to stay home then to work, then by all means stay home.

    Can't you take classes in evenings when your FI is home?   Also I would speak to your doctor about possible PPD and/ or counseling.  I get being sad that you can't afford having another baby or have the room for one, but there also seems to be a little disconnect from reality and you need a plan to get what you want instead of list excuses.

    To previous poster, I didn't see any reference to OP being on government assistance, so I don't get your reference to her using your tax dollars.  

  • You all are entitled to your opinions, hell, if I didn't want them, then I wouldn't have posted on here. I was a preschool teacher and absolutely loved my job. My son was just NOT ready for daycare - $1200 a month, by the way, for any of you wondering (and no, we are NOT on any government assistance). His providers would call and tell me he would just cry into hyperventilation all day every day he was there. It broke my heart. I had to put him first so I left my job in order to be a stay at home mom while my fianc? worked (he has a wonderful job making $50,000 a year). I'm going back to school in January to persue my masters in education (again, only currently have my associates). I am, however, a very strong willed person and believe that no matter what your circumstances in life are, you can ALWAYS find a way to make your dres come true and live your life to the fullest. I'm sorry but I know I'm not going to live forever, so if I feel like I want that big dream beautiful wedding, I'm going to find a way to make it happen. And I recently decided that as soon as these next 2 years of school are done with, I AM going to add to my family. I'm very happy and content with that decision. I am not childish. I am a wonderful mother and always put his needs before my own. I plan to do that for the rest of my life. What's childish is to make assumptions about someone you don't know based on a tiny paragraph. Anyway, that's my latest update. Thanks for all the opinions - negative or not :) 

  • I think prioritizing here is important- you want the big wedding, the house, the second baby- but you don't want to work because of daycare/babysitting- something has got to give. Most people can't have everything without giving something up- so maybe the second baby waits while you save for a wedding/house first- or maybe you decide to go back to work part-time, have the second baby and have a smaller less expensive wedding- you just need to get real with your budgeting and plan for the future- and be realistic about what all of that means.

     

    I usually find when I have a plan for myself I feel a lot less depressed- and most of the time when I am depressed it is because I am trying to live up to something that isn't realistic :)

    Me-27- DH- 38 -Moved to New York* TTC since August 2011, unexplained IF & PCOS HSG - both tubes clear Saline Ultrasound- clear SA- Normal January 2013- Started metformin 1500mg attempting micro IVF 2/8/2013 2/8/2013 Cycle- ganirelix, menopur, gonal F 3/3/2013- ER- 7 Eggs 3/4/2013- All 7 fertilize 3/8- ET
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