Relationships

I want a baby now, he wants to wait

My husband and i recently got married. I am 25 and he is 37. He has 2 children from a previous marriage and i have 1 from a previous relationship. I very much want another child. He wants to wait at least a year before we try. i feel like the longer we wait he will change his mind about having more children because of his age. I feel like i have no say in the decision. should i be accepting of his wanting to wait? Im not sure how to handle this. I feel like it's something that is missing from our relationship and it will bring our kids closer.

Re: I want a baby now, he wants to wait

  • You both have to be on board and agree to the terms when it comes to TTC.  Did you speak about the before you married?  Did you agree to a timeline then?

     A year is a reasonable amount of time to wait.  It's not like he blindsided you and said "You know what Ginah?  I changed my mind.  I don't want kids at all."  If this is a concern of yours, you have trust issues.

  • My wife and I are in the same situation.  We're both 34, she's been wanting to try for a baby from the day we got married.  I want to wait at least for the one year anniversary.  I wanted that time together just her and I before a baby changes everything.  I realized you're slightly different in that you already have three between you already.
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  • How does your financial situation stand? Can the two of you really afford a fourth child?
  • In my opinion, the one who is not yet ready for a baby trumps the one who is. It's a big decision and everyone needs to be on the same page. He's not ready yet. And that's ok-it is reasonable to want to wait a bit after marriage to have a baby. He's not asking for a crazy amount of time. Why don't you have a talk with him? Don't be accusatory or get upset. Just let him know you respect his opinion, but you want to make sure he hasn't changed his mind about having a fourth child period. See what his concerns are: money, time, etc. Four kids is a lot, maybe he is concerned with how you will handle it, or maybe he is anxious about starting all over again with another kid. Regardless, you want him up be able to tell you how he feels.
  • If one partner wants to wait, then you wait. He's not saying "never," he's saying "not right now." Why do you feel you can't trust him? That's a big red flag. Also, babies shoudln't be born with a job. It's up to you and your husband to bring your children closer together. And babies NEVER heal what's missing in a relationship. They cause stress, and require that the relationship between the parents be strong enogh to withstand the pressure. It sounds like your husband is very wise for wanting to wait. From what you have to say, the two of you are not ready for another child.
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  • Team husband. You wait. Until then maybe plan a fun vacation.
  • Me and the hubbie has only been married 3 months he turne d30 yesterday and im 29, neither of us have kids and i only recently started wanting to have a baby really bad. We talked about when we should start having kids before the i do's and we decided to wait a year or two. But im so ready to get this over with all my friends have kids in 1st grade and i feel out of the loop, i dont want to be selfish but there are days when we see kids or a family members baby and he claims hes ready but the next day its back to waiting a year......im just as confused about what to do as you are
  • image MrsMcC.10409:
    If one partner wants to wait, then you wait. He's not saying "never," he's saying "not right now." Why do you feel you can't trust him? That's a big red flag. Also, babies shoudln't be born with a job. It's up to you and your husband to bring your children closer together. And babies NEVER heal what's missing in a relationship. They cause stress, and require that the relationship between the parents be strong enogh to withstand the pressure. It sounds like your husband is very wise for wanting to wait. From what you have to say, the two of you are not ready for another child.

     

    THIS! 

  • Ugh, that sucks, I know because I've been there, but it should be a joint decision. When YH is on board with TTC, the experience is so much better. You don't want YH to resent you for possibly getting pregnant before he was ready.
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  • Personally I think your husband is right and I think it's a good idea for any newly married couple to wait at least a year to TTC.  And frankly, with planned babies, you wait until you're both on board.  Nothing good comes out of forcing the issue.
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