Relationships

Should I be worried??

This is the first time I've ever blogged so please bare with me. My question is should I be worried, my fianc? started a new job a few months ago and we just had our first child in mid oct. and up untill the day after thanksgiving I thought everything was going fine. But he started txt a lot on his phone and he never leaves his phone out of his reach. We've had problems in the past with him txting an ex and we worked through that and it is no longer an issues. But I found out that it is a girl he work with that he's txting. My problem with this is he's txt her to the wee hrs of the morning like 2am and that he has in the past flirted with girls that were supossedlt just friends through txt. I've asked him about this and he says it's just friendly convo and that I should trust him. I told him that it bothered me because it takes forever for me to get a response back from him when I txt him but he txt back and forth for hours to others and that it makes me feel like he is ignoring me. But he seems to brush it off and say that I don't trust him and that I should because he's not given me any reason not to, but when I bring up those past examples he says I misunderstood what they were talking about in a few cases , or that we were not together when it happen, and he didn't even acknowledge one of the cases. Am I overreacting, should I take his word for it? I have thought to ask him if I could see the txt convo, but in the past he's deleted the texts so that if I do pick look at his phone there's nothing there. I'm not sure what to do I would love any advice and an out perspective on this issue. Any input would greatly help. 

Re: Should I be worried??

  • This is the first time I've ever blogged so please bare with me. My question is should I be worried, my fianc? started a new job a few months ago and we just had our first child in mid oct. and up untill the day after thanksgiving I thought everything was going fine.
     But he started txt a lot on his phone and he never leaves his phone out of his reach. We've had problems in the past with him txting an ex and we worked through that and it is no longer an issues.
    Problems in the past with an ex? if that means he never got over the ex or he was still in contact with her in such a way that was inappropriate, you should have made him your ex, said goodbye and moved on.

    A guy who does this is just not into you. 
      But I found out that it is a girl he work with that he's txting. My problem with this is he's txt her to the wee hrs of the morning like 2am and that he has in the past flirted with girls that were supossedlt just friends through txt.
    This "friend" is no "friend" of his. This is just plainw rong and inappropriate.

    And as you can see, he has a history of this -- why do you want a guy who flirts with other girls????

    This guy has a history of this bullshit and inappropriate behavior -- ad as you see the apple never falls far from the tree.

    I've asked him about this and he says it's just friendly convo and that I should trust him.

    At the crack of dawn, this is friendly conversation? If you belive that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I want to sell you.

    I told him that it bothered me because it takes forever for me to get a response back from him when I txt him but he txt back and forth for hours to others and that it makes me feel like he is ignoring me.
    And if he is continuing with behavior that you do not like after you have told him you do not like it, wow, how ignorant and this is also no regard for your feelings, nor is it showing respect for you.

    He's quite the prince -- where did you get this turkey? 
     But he seems to brush it off and say that I don't trust him and that I should because he's not given me any reason not to,
    Oh, NO??? What about the problems with the ex and the other bullshit behavior he's exhibited -- EVERY reason not to trust this turkey! 
    but when I bring up those past examples he says I misunderstood what they were talking about in a few cases , or that we were not together when it happen, and he didn't even acknowledge one of the cases.

    Besides the point. "not together" when it happened? Besides the point because whether you were there or on the moon, he is still WRONG!
     Am I overreacting, should I take his word for it? I have thought to ask him if I could see the txt convo, but in the past he's deleted the texts so that if I do pick look at his phone there's nothing there. I'm not sure what to do I would love any advice and an out perspective on this issue. Any input would greatly help. 
    Input is what you want?

    Here you go:

    Get rid of this turkey and do it posthaste.

    What you are seeing is what he IS -- he is a guy who is not ready for a permanent commitment to one woman.

    A man who is happily engaged to be married does not text other women, nor does he flirt with other women. He most certainly has no bedtime conversations with another woman into the wee hours of the morning. And a man who is happily engaged and ready for marriage to one woman does not treat his fiancee like a nobody -- that is what he is doing.

    He doesn't care about what upsets you -- he continues with his wrong behavior.

    He doesn't listen to what you want -- he ignores you.

    He doesn't keep secrets from his wife to be -- he is lying by omission and he is secretive about things he should NOT be doing.

    He is not ready for marriage.

    Do yourself a favor: cut your losses and go. Cancel the wedding and see an attorney about getting child support from him. He's telling you loud and clear he does not want to get married.

    If you marry this guy, I guarantee you you will see this bullshit continue -- and I daresay it will worsen. And at that point, you will have a legal contract to get out of and you'll go through a divorce. Walk away from him while you can --- cut your losses and go.

    He has also steadfastly proven to be untrustable and he has no respect for you --- any relationship needs to be built on trust and respect. Is this the kind of guy you want to start a life with? He's showing you loud and clear exactly what he is. Run like hell is what you should do.

    And this is why it's not a good idea to bring a child into the picture until you are married for a good couple of years and your marriage is going strong and you have :"legs" behind it. That there is a kiddo makes this all the more strained for a relationship without marriage and makes it all the more difficult to walk away from the relationship.

    Not to mention this guy isn't ready to be a full time father, let alone be a full time committed husband. This guy's not ready for anything much, except to line up a whole harem of women who he is "just friends" with. (c'mon...you know what the definition of a "friend" is -- and he is not "friends" with any of these women. Nope)

    You also have NO assurance he is not sleeping with the "friend" who he has all this late night pillow talk with.

    Your wedding is January 7, according to your bio -- dump this sh!thead and go, before the invitations are sent.

    Sorry for your troubles. Take care. Put yourself first and your child first.

     
  • Tarpon always has great advice.

    Put you and your baby first. Take care and good luck.

  • He's lying to you. And worse than what he's doing with this girl, is the fact that he thinks you're a complete idiot. This man has a history of cheating on you, and continues to do so because he knows you're not going to do anything about it. He can feed you lines of BS and you'll sit there and question yourself. Call you cell phone company and see if you can get a detailed list of the texts he's sent/received.

    I'm sorry it's come down to this. Truly, it has to be heartbreaking, especially with a child involved. You can try couples counseling, but I believe that serial cheaters are beyond help. If/when you decide to leave him, take some time to heal and become a strong woman. And the next time you get into a relationship, set clear standards and boundaries for your partner. People will either live up to your expectations, or they won't. But if you're clear about what you want, you'll waste less time and heartache.

    Best of luck to you!

    Break cycle BFP on 11/6/12 after 17 cycles and a failed IUI - TTC/BFP details in bio
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    Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
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  • You don't trust him, and he has given you plenty of reason not to.  There's no future here.
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  • Leave. Fast.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC since September 2012
  • Should you be worried?  You already know the answer.

     This sounds EXACTLY like my ex-husband's behavior, right before he started cheating on me with someone he worked with.  I didn't want to believe it either, but the truth is the truth.

     He's going to make you feel like you're being paranoid, like you're looking for reasons to complain, or as if your lack of trust is the problem.  IT IS NOT YOU.  Let me say that again.  IT IS NOT YOU.

     He has shown that he doesn't respect you and the behavior will continue.  If not this woman, then with another.  He does not value you, and you deserve better! 

    "You cannot plow a field by turning it over in your mind." Gordon B. Hinckley
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