Relationships

upset

My husband & I thur a suprize party for my mother in law. I did all the running around for this party which I dint mind do. My mother in law is a vey sweet person. He said the party was really nice & it looked great. But as the night wore on I was waiting for him to tell me how niced I look. I am still waiting & will be forever I guess. He has told me while we were out that I looked shity because I didnt have makeup on. That hurt so bad I cryed all day from it. I dont care about wearing makeup everyday I do on special occasions. I was raised with a dad that would say you dont need to wear that war paint so makeup dosnt mean that much to me. I feel he wants me to be someone else that Im not. I feel he dosnt love me anymore. I have execpted that I am just trying to come to trims with it. There will be so many people hurt if & when we end this. I have faught so hard for many years to keep us together that I am just so tired. If we split up it is going to kill his mom & I dont want to hurt her. I am so confused & dont know what to do.

Re: upset

  • This guy has been an ongoing problem to you.

    He's had multiple affairs --- for love of mike, show him the door and file. You don't need him. Adultery is a dealbreaker. that means no 2 ways about it and the marriage is over.

    Why in heck do you think this will "kill his mom"? Is this why you're afraid to show him the door?

    you know what to do: good riddance to bad rubbish.
  • Sounds like a lot of emotion bottled up in there!

    Just want to address a couple things.

    1. You are offended because he didnt tell you you were pretty at a party? Really? My H doesnt tell me I am pretty as much as I would like, but I don't lose sleep over it.  Clearly you two have different love langauges and you need the verbal affirmation. He might not realize that, have a conversation about how it makes you feel when you here more negative then positive, and then do the same to him (build him up, tell him hes hott on a random day ect). He may learn that thats important to you.

    2. You are more worried about hurting other people then  you are worried about your own relationship or hurting your self or your husband. That is no way to approach any decision in a marraige or about ending one. You and your husband need to start talking to each other about what it would take to save it vs. what is pushing to you end it.

    If you can't put each other first then its time to walk away, this is one of the reasons I dislike when people write personal vows, often times its always about how the person makes them feel (loved etc)..not saying that you did, but the traditional vows are pretty clear that we are to charish, honor and respect our partner no matter how we feel..positive or negative, and thats when most marraiges start to break down, when one or both sides stop putting the other first.

    Regardless of how his mom or other people feel, you need to take care of you and decide if this relationship is worth continuing to invest in,  

     

     

  • image toothpastechica:

    Sounds like a lot of emotion bottled up in there!

    Just want to address a couple things.

    1. You are offended because he didnt tell you you were pretty at a party? Really? My H doesnt tell me I am pretty as much as I would like, but I don't lose sleep over it.  Clearly you two have different love langauges and you need the verbal affirmation. He might not realize that, have a conversation about how it makes you feel when you here more negative then positive, and then do the same to him (build him up, tell him hes hott on a random day ect). He may learn that thats important to you.

    2. You are more worried about hurting other people then  you are worried about your own relationship or hurting your self or your husband. That is no way to approach any decision in a marraige or about ending one. You and your husband need to start talking to each other about what it would take to save it vs. what is pushing to you end it.

    If you can't put each other first then its time to walk away, this is one of the reasons I dislike when people write personal vows, often times its always about how the person makes them feel (loved etc)..not saying that you did, but the traditional vows are pretty clear that we are to charish, honor and respect our partner no matter how we feel..positive or negative, and thats when most marraiges start to break down, when one or both sides stop putting the other first.

    Regardless of how his mom or other people feel, you need to take care of you and decide if this relationship is worth continuing to invest in,



    Read her sole and only prior post. It's quite an eye opener.

    After what this scum has done to me, the only party he'd be going to is the one that's out the door after I show the door to him. She needed to get rid of this bum the first time he had an affair. He needed to be out of the OP's life years ago.

    Give a party with this scumbag? the hell I would.

    BTW, OP: you're HOW old? why are you so worried about his mother? you should be pleasing yourself and puttting yourself FIRST. Only care about how YOU will feel, not how his mother or anybody else feels. BTW, see how she'd feel about her sonny boy after you tell her he's had multiple affairs and he's checked out of the marriage emotionally probably years ago. What the eff do you need this douchebag for?
  • Firstly, i used to be the same way- doing things so that my husband would compliment me.  Big mistake.  Do things because you feel like it will be good for you or make you feel good.  If you feel good, you won't need his approval.  Secondly, if he tells you that you look shitty- I don't care under what circumstances- he is a jerk.  Case closed.  I understand how hard it is to leave someone but in the mean time, his attitude is killing your self-esteem.  The best advice I can give you: do what makes you happy.  When my husband and I were dating, we split up for awhile.  Yeah, I was depressed and angry but instead of wallowing in self-pity, I went back to college.  I joined a gym.  I started meeting my girlfriends for lunches and to have tea and the way I felt after a month of all of this was amazing!  And after that, the man saw how I was thriving without him and it attracted him.  We got back together because he saw I DIDN'T NEED him but did want to be with him but didn't have to have him.  Try to work on making you happy and if he loves you, it will attract him.  If he doesn't get better, you have to leave.
  • Is your H addicted to porn? He sounds like a friends ex husband, he was addicted to porn. You need counseling ASAP to get your backbone strengthen so you can leave this pos. The only thing that is screaming to me is you talking about the way he is putting down your appearance. And the cheating... 
  • image MLE2010:
    Is your H addicted to porn? He sounds like a friends ex husband, he was addicted to porn. You need counseling ASAP to get your backbone strengthen so you can leave this pos. The only thing that is screaming to me is you talking about the way he is putting down your appearance. And the cheating... 


    Addicted to porn? I don't think that's it at all. He's addicted, though, to breaking his marriage vows and is guilty of past affairs and possibly there is one in progress.

    I agree with counseling for the OP. This bum needs to go. And he needs to go before there is a physical incident due to his abuse.
  • He's working my GOT DAMN NERVES!!!

    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
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