Relationships

Been married 31 years

I have been married 31 years and have been with my husband for 33 years. He has told me he thinks I have had an affair which I have not. He went throw my computer & found an e mail I had sent a friend in it I had said that he makes me tingle when he touchs me to say Hi whenever I see him. I have never been with another man in the 33 years we have been together. That is more then I can say for him. He has had 2 affairs that I know of & I think maybe having another on. I am so confused right now. He has to know what I am doing all the time. I cant even go to the restroom without him wanting to know where I am going. I think I have had enough but dont want to hurt anyone but I am so tired of being hurt. I am never with my friend alone because I am very attracted to him. I dont want to break the vows I made to him, God & our parents but it is getting harder to do so. I have found things that leads me to beleave he is having another affair. I dont know what to do!!!!

Re: Been married 31 years

  • His beavior is not right and it is not normal.

    Is this behavior sudden? He may have a genuine mental illness.

    Considering that he's had affairs, you cannot trust him. For your own sake, since his affairs are a deal breaker, you need to file for divorce and leave this guy.

    What he is exhibiting is controlling behavior. That is abuse -- and it can very well escalate into physical abuse. I'm pretty sure that's the last thing you want or need, correct?

    Abuse and controllingness is also a dealbreaker and grounds for divorce.

    What you should do and do immediately:

    DO NOT tell your husband you will be leaving him

    Safeguard your assets -- put your money into bank accounts that he knows nothing of; change  the PIN numbers on any cards that you have and change the PIN numbers on cards that you and he both use jointly.

    Get to an attorney immediately and file. You do not have small children; I do not know if you and he have joint assets but if you do, you will need an attorney's input regarding the joint assets and what will happen to them when you file for divorce.

    When all of this is ready, FILE --- and do not tell him you are leaving. Leave him when he is gone for the day; I am sure he works -- when he's at work, you leave.

    Make sure yu have a cell phone that is completely charged at all times and your car is in working order. Simply leave in the car -- go home to your parents -- and when you get there, you can tell them you have left this bastard.  And you can tell them why you left him.

    You made a vow to God -- but the vows to God do NOT permit your husband to confiscate your email, demand to know where you are at all times and they do not permit him to treat you like some floozy or tramp who has had sex with everybody and anybody. He took a vow to love you and honor you and that's not what he is doing; he's broken that vow and big time.

    You need to dump this male friend of yours and do it now. Right now you are confused and vulnerable and this is when people make mistakes.

    Please give serious thought to what I hae suggested. You are not safe. Good luck; let us know what happens.

  • Honestly if I came across an email (I don't snoop) where my husband told another woman he tingles when she touches him, I'd assume he was having an affair too.  And when he denied it, I would assume he was lying and I'd probably get really paranoid and be way up in his business for at least a while.

    That said it seems like there's a history of infidelity here.  His own transgressions probably make him paranoid that you're doing the same. 

    Have you been to or considered counseling?  Together or alone?

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