Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

How to deal with husband becoming a Freemason.

Hi there.  I was hoping that there would be other wives out there that felt the same way I do and could give me advise on if it will get better.  My husband joined the Freemason last night after years of him promising me that wouldn't do it because he didn't want to hurt me and that he joked it was like a cult.  So those words just cannot get out of my head, it was the first time I ever heard anything about this group so it kinda stuck.  Well fast forward a few years and major life events, he joined.  I cry all the time, can't sleep at night and get sick to my stomach thinking about it.  I don't like that he is keeping secrets from me.  He claims that the things are so silly, it's not as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be.  I am Catholic, and the church is against this group.  I feel like he is going against the promises he made by us marrying in the church and baptizing our children.  Btw, he was raised with no religion.  I feel like that's why he is drawn to this.  

I really try to be okay with it, I am for a little bit, but then go right back to being upset.  I just can't get through this wall.  The secrets and the stuff I read online about them being blindfolded with a rope hanging from my neck is sick!

 

Please someone help me.  I know they do good, but I feel like the history behind it is something evil. 

Photobucket Photobucket
«1

Re: How to deal with husband becoming a Freemason.

  • They really are a strange group. And really secretive. One of my exes was in line to join because it was something the men in his family did. It was not a huge deal because they weren't deep in to it, but there were things about I did not like. I do not like the secrets. I did not like that he would be forbidden from discussing some things with me because I was not a mason, nor could I be. I had a place in the group as a woman, which was more like party hostess. Just things I could not deal with.At least, these are things that my ex told me about (i definitely summarized and grouped it all) so it might be different for him.

    It is a big commitment from him, which he should have discussed with you before joining. Have you told him that you are hurt he did this? I'm quite certain that if it interferes with your marriage, he's not supposed to participate. Again, something my ex told me. Something about the value of marriage being the highest and that I had to accept it the same as he did or he could not be a member (or whatever).

    I'd say talk to him. Have him get you the numbers for some of the other wives. Perhaps they'll be a better resource for you since they are right in it, too. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks for responding.  We have talked about it for the last month or so since he started seriously thinking about joining.  He know how I felt, and gave me "its really important to mw that I do this but I won't if you don't want me to."  Then he wouk d pull out the fact that his mother was an Eastern Star at that lodge and it would mean so much to him to join to honor her since she passed away this year from cancer.  So how can I force him not to join?  I couldn't.  I still had a hard tine with it and expressed it often.  I was hoping that he would see what it was doing to me and not go through with it.  This lodge didn't need to speak with me.  He just told them that I had no problems with it.  They are very informal he says.  I have told him I wish there was a support group that I could talk to so it might make me more at ease.  But I don't think that is an option.  That's why I posted on here.  :)  I really want nothing to do with it.  I don't want my children knowing anything about it.  I will never attend a function or allow the kids to either.  Because of that I didn't want to meet with them.  Now I wish I did.  I just didnt my husband be mad at me if he didnt get in because of me.
    Photobucket Photobucket
  • I think both sides of this are pretty strange, both your strong feelings against it and his sudden determination to join despite that.  What on earth is going on here?!
    image
  • Like I said, this last year has had brought a lot of changes to my husband's life.  His mother died of cancer, shortly after she passed away he was contacted by a brother that he never knew he had from his father.  This brother happened to be a mason.  He belongs to the same lodge that my husband's mother was an Easter Star.  When she died she left him a letter basically saying that she wants him to be a more caring person etc.  He feels that with all of these events happening how they did, his mother is guiding him into this.  He has had a hard time dealing with her death, its almost like he never really dealt with it.  I think this is a way for him to cope.  He is being so good to me even though I am freaking out on him.  If it was anyother situation I'm sure it would have been a full out fight.  But right now he keeps telling me that he understands and I have a right to express my feelings.  But at the same time I feel like if he really cared he wouldn't do this.  But am I being selfish not wanting him to do it,  with this reasons for doing it?

    :(

    Photobucket Photobucket
  • When I was growing up, the guy accross the street from us belonged to the Masons. Ugh...was he ever a testy and racist and rotten ole goat.

    I am not crazy about any "Fraternal organizations." (and all I can think of is Ralph and Ed and the Raccoon Lodge;) )

    Your problem isn't the Masons --- your problem is that your H did not uphold a promise he made to you: fwiw, he could have promised to take out the trash ever night and broken the promise! The main issue is he did not follow through on what he agreed not to do.

  • image TarponMonoxide:


    Your problem isn't the Masons --- your problem is that your H did not uphold a promise he made to you: fwiw, he could have promised to take out the trash ever night and broken the promise! The main issue is he did not follow through on what he agreed not to do.

     

    So true!  Maybe that's what I am having a hard time dealing with.

    Photobucket Photobucket
  • I seriously think you're overreacting. You seem almost hysterical about it, and while I think these clubs are strange and old fashioned, it isn't like he joined the KKK or something. Also, the Catholic Church is against a lot of things it's members still do, like birth control. So I think you may need to reexamine your reaction.

     On the other hand, it is weird of him to promise you he wouldn't join and then do it behind your back. I wouldn't be ok with that. He should have came to you and let you know that things have changed and he wanted to join. It sounds like he is trying to cope with a lot, and this is a way for him to keep family ties and explore his history. Talk to him about the particular group he has joined and find out more objective information about it, not just that the church is against them.

  • I think there's a lot of misconceptions out there about the Freemasons.  Reading this post is actually making me a bit angry because you really don't know what you're talking about.  How could you?  You aren't one.  I'm not one either so I'm not going to presume to know what they do and don't do.

    Lots of fraternal organizations exist.  The Skull and Bones is one of the oldest societies in the US and is found on the campus of Yale University.  Several US Presidents have been members of the Skull and Bones.  They are just as secretive but people don't run around saying horrible things about them the way that many do about the Freemasons.

    If you have a problem with your husband keeping secrets from you, that's one thing.  If you have a problem with him specifically being a Freemason, that's something else entirely and something that can only be worked out between the two of you.  But, stop making things up in your head about what they do.  Read about them.  Find out what you can.  Educate yourself on them.  Use reliable sources - not some whack job website or anecdotes from people who have strong views one way or the other.

  • I have researched, and I have tried staying away from the conspiracies that surround them.  He even showed me a web site that had info on it that he research on.  Seeing a drawing of a man blindfolded with a rope around his neck wearing clothes that look like they were ripped off was very disturbing to me.  Picturing my loved one like that was very disturbing to me.  

    This is why I put it out here to see if there were other wives that went through what I am feeling, I'm sure I can't be the only one with concerns with it when their husband joined.   If you can't relate, please don't give me a harsh comment, you truly have no idea.  

    Photobucket Photobucket
  • Their symbols are disturbing to you?  How to do you think eating and drinking the body and blood of Christ look to an outsider?  

    He is accepting of your wacky beliefs; I think you should try to accept his as well.   

  •  I found a link for why the Catholic church is against the group. If nothing else it looks like it does represent a large philosophical change on his part, which would be very difficult for any spouse to live with/ adjust to. 

     

    http://www.ewtn.com/library/answers/camason1.htm

  • Well I can't attest to every member of every freemason lodge in the country, But by and large, you're worrying over nothing. My grandfather, 4 uncles, father, and brother are all masons, (my grandfather, dad and 1 uncle have all been the heads of their local lodge at one time or another). 

    What secrets do you really think he's keeping? Its a CLUB. seriously, its a silly fraternal club for men. It isn't conspiratorial, they don't sacrifice goats, they aren't taking over the government. Its a club for boys. Thats it. Hell, the local lodges in the area I grew up in were pretty decent folk. They donated money to the school system, they helped rebuild homes after hurricanes, they had yearly bbqs, etc. A few years ago my grandfather had a little ceremony for being a member for 50 years, and I went to watch it. 

    If you looked at christianity purely by its symbols with no context, you'd be freaked out. men nailed to crosses, drinking their blood, etc? Yikes. 
    What you need to remember is that masonry isnt a religion. The ONLY thing in their handbook that mentions it is that in order to be a member, you have to believe in some form of a higher power. So how is that frightening?
    they believe in helping others and in being useful to society. All the masons i've known (especially the ones i'm related to) would be the first to show up if you needed help. It actually kind of annoys me how uneducated the world seems to be about it, and how quick people are to judge and freak out. 

    Do not believe the garbage you read online. There's nothing evil about it. You really sound like you're upset because you think your husband gets to keep something from you, rather than it being about masonic lodges specifically. Thats your own issue to tackle. Let him do his thing, there's a lot worse he could be doing.
  • here here.
  • image kibskix:
    Well I can't attest to every member of every freemason lodge in the country, But by and large, you're worrying over nothing. My grandfather, 4 uncles, father, and brother are all masons, (my grandfather, dad and 1 uncle have all been the heads of their local lodge at one time or another). 

    What secrets do you really think he's keeping? Its a CLUB. seriously, its a silly fraternal club for men. It isn't conspiratorial, they don't sacrifice goats, they aren't taking over the government. Its a club for boys. Thats it. Hell, the local lodges in the area I grew up in were pretty decent folk. They donated money to the school system, they helped rebuild homes after hurricanes, they had yearly bbqs, etc. A few years ago my grandfather had a little ceremony for being a member for 50 years, and I went to watch it. 

    If you looked at christianity purely by its symbols with no context, you'd be freaked out. men nailed to crosses, drinking their blood, etc? Yikes. 
    What you need to remember is that masonry isnt a religion. The ONLY thing in their handbook that mentions it is that in order to be a member, you have to believe in some form of a higher power. So how is that frightening?
    they believe in helping others and in being useful to society. All the masons i've known (especially the ones i'm related to) would be the first to show up if you needed help. It actually kind of annoys me how uneducated the world seems to be about it, and how quick people are to judge and freak out. 

    Do not believe the garbage you read online. There's nothing evil about it. You really sound like you're upset because you think your husband gets to keep something from you, rather than it being about masonic lodges specifically. Thats your own issue to tackle. Let him do his thing, there's a lot worse he could be doing.

    This exactly! My husband is a Free Mason and was raised Catholic. His lodge is the largest local charitable organization in our area (a large suburb of Seattle). If he had to be hung up by a rope, he never would have finished proving up on his levels. He's not keeping life changing secrets from you. He's in a boys club. Let him have some guy time. Family is important to my husband which is why he joined. It sounds like it's pretty important to yours as well. I don't think you should just let him do this no questions asked, because he did tell you he wouldn't. But it's definitely not as serious as you're thinking it is.

  • Thank you, I just wanted to hear from other women who have experience with this group.  That's it.  :)
    Photobucket Photobucket
  • image Wildhorselaf:

    I have researched, and I have tried staying away from the conspiracies that surround them.  He even showed me a web site that had info on it that he research on.  Seeing a drawing of a man blindfolded with a rope around his neck wearing clothes that look like they were ripped off was very disturbing to me.  Picturing my loved one like that was very disturbing to me.  

    This is why I put it out here to see if there were other wives that went through what I am feeling, I'm sure I can't be the only one with concerns with it when their husband joined.   If you can't relate, please don't give me a harsh comment, you truly have no idea.  

    I have family members and friends who were Freemasons (not many, but a few here and there).  I've seen them receive very harsh and unfair treatment as you are giving your husband.  It's just a group of men who get together to do men things.  Seriously - stop thinking that they are stringing your husband up by this nipples and electrocuting goats because I'm going to bet a million dollars that this doesn't happen.  Read well balanced stuff - I'm sure a guy with his clothes being pulled off is not well balanced.

    Was your husband ever in a fraternity in college?  Veeery similar idea - this is just for older men.

  • image Wildhorselaf:
    Thank you, I just wanted to hear from other women who have experience with this group.  That's it.  :)

    Of course! Totally understandable. If you have any other questions or concerns, don't hesitate to message me :-) 

  • All of these "fraternal organizations" are odd. You should see what the Elks do when a brother dies and they show up at the funeral home for the ceremony.
  • I feel like we should replace all mentions of "becoming a Freemason" with "becoming a woman" and the original post would make more sense. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I think you are freaking out over nothing as far as the organization is concerned.  If your husband chose to join the Knights of Columbus(a GREAT Catholic mens fraternity) He would have an initiation and be sworn to secrecy about not telling you what happened. There are things about MY sorority initiation that I can't tell my DH even though they happened 10 years ago.

    What you should have a problem with is your DH doing something he told you he wouldn't. Lying is not a desirable quality in a mate.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I know this is late, but I was in the organizaation for girls that stemmed from the Masons.  It was the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls.  I hear people bash masons all the time, and all the crap is ridiculous.  I ditto what Joy said.  It's basically a frat for dudes.  Sororities and Frats have secrets, and really it's just the ritual traditional stuff.  Rainbows was the same thing.  We had an opening and closing ceremony, but really outside of the weekly meanings, they meant nothing. I can honestly say pretty much nobody understood the point of the secrets, but that's just how it went.  What was our main purpose?  Community Service.  One of the local mason branches sponsored for me to go on a trip to Valley Forge one year, and it was awesome.
    image
    "Let it Be"
    "I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so badly"
  • I just recently moved and remember backing up a pamphlet I got a long time ago about the dangers of freemasons. If I knew where I put it, I would mail it to you for you to read. it is from a guy I heard speak at a conference that "infiltrated" the masons and wrote about it. It is pretty detailed and specific but I will spare the details because everyone who thinks they are just like  normal frat will roll their eyes and laugh at me. 

     

    But they are scary. they hide their secrets and their evil with "community service" and goodwill to mask what they really are. I would be just as upset and unsettled as you are and as harsh as this sounds... I would absolutely 100% make my husband choose me over them. i would not deal with a husband in a cult. 

  • image Beaniebeach:
    I know this is late, but I was in the organizaation for girls that stemmed from the Masons.  It was the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls.  I hear people bash masons all the time, and all the crap is ridiculous.  I ditto what Joy said.  It's basically a frat for dudes.  Sororities and Frats have secrets, and really it's just the ritual traditional stuff.  Rainbows was the same thing.  We had an opening and closing ceremony, but really outside of the weekly meanings, they meant nothing. I can honestly say pretty much nobody understood the point of the secrets, but that's just how it went.  What was our main purpose?  Community Service.  One of the local mason branches sponsored for me to go on a trip to Valley Forge one year, and it was awesome.

    I was in Job's Daughter's, which is similar but requires a family member be a Mason to join. It was NOT a big deal, we did the ceremonial stuff(Bible readings, talked about the story of Job and the importance of keeping your faith in God)  but mostly it was about doing volunteer work and building relationships with the other girls, much like a sorority. My best friends dad was a Mason and their stuff was along the same lines. The only reason for the 'secret' part is because it builds a bond between the members. That's it, nothing scary. Anyone who says there is is going off rumors and speculation. I was there, there was nothing odd.

    Pregnant with #4... It's gonna get real image
  • image limegreenlauren:

    I just recently moved and remember backing up a pamphlet I got a long time ago about the dangers of freemasons. If I knew where I put it, I would mail it to you for you to read. it is from a guy I heard speak at a conference that "infiltrated" the masons and wrote about it. It is pretty detailed and specific but I will spare the details because everyone who thinks they are just like  normal frat will roll their eyes and laugh at me. 

     

    But they are scary. they hide their secrets and their evil with "community service" and goodwill to mask what they really are. I would be just as upset and unsettled as you are and as harsh as this sounds... I would absolutely 100% make my husband choose me over them. i would not deal with a husband in a cult. 

    LOL, yep, you are right I'm rolling my eyes at you.  Masons, Shriners, and Eastern Star are just organizations.  I know MANY of each and they are most kind hearted and giving people.  They aren't trying to take control of the world.

    I'm also a former Jobie.  Gasp! And yes we had plots (as young teenage girls) to take over the world! (sarcasism, if you didn't catch that)  Actually, it was just a way for young women to get together, be leaders, and to be respectable.  Which we need more of these days!  I loved my time as a Jobie, and the people that mentored us.

     

  • Well, well.. After reading several responses, I sure can say that I have read some things that seem helpful and some things that seem like people just going out of their way to be ugly which is not helpful at all.  

     I am also a Catholic and share a similar feeling about this group.  It goes against what the church believes and I would not want any children of mine ever knowing about my family being involved in it if they were.  That being said, your husband is part of the group already so what do you do now?

     You have clearly expressed to him that you don't want him to be involved and he honestly doesn't really seem to care.  I'm not sure if he converted to Catholicism or not, or you were married in the Catholic church, but him picking some club thing because of his late mother something or other just seems like an excuse for him to do something he has clearly thought about doing for a long time now.  You are also bonded with him spiritually, so frankly you should be coming first in his life, not his mother or some boys club.  At this point I would talk to your pastor about it.  They always have wonderful advice for me when I am struggling with anything, and honestly.. I'm sure several of them have heard of this EXACT same problem before. I would not get involved with the group at all and wouldn't let your kids know about it.  Unfortunately, this decision does not just affect him.

     Lastly, while I'm sure they are not A) a harmless organization who fantasizes about unicorns and rainbows while simultaneously holding fundraising events for Make-A-Wish, or B) a murderous bloodthirsty freaky ritual world-threatening group of people who worship satan and have druggy/shaman like rituatls, who really knows what goes on.  All I'm saying is take everything you read with a grain of salt and know that the hanging from a neck whatever business you spoke of may just be some crazy stuff someone who knew nothing about it wrote.  

     Just try to remain calm and seek help.  You obviously need to talk to someone about this and while some people on the forum may have family members involved, that doesn't mean they are going to be helpful.  Seek advice from your parish and pray.  Good luck sorting this out and don't let anyone talk you down from being concerned or freak you out and make you go nutso. 

    God bless. 

  • I actually feel strongly about my husband being a mason also. He not done with the whole process because he knows how i feel about it. When we did our marital counseling he brought the subject up and he gave us a book call Should a Christain become a mason. obviously its an eye opener because he hasnt been back to any of the meetings. But dont make yourself sick thinking about it to much trust me youll never get the full grasp of masonry anyway. try and trust that your husband is not putting you or your family in harms way....
  • "There are things about MY sorority initiation that I can't tell my DH even though they happened 10 years ago."

     

    Ha ha!  I'm not sure if you are being serious but this just made me LOL. I was in a sorority, too, but I would for sure tell my husband anything he wanted to know about it -  not that he would ever be interested!  

  • It's like a fraternity. You're way over-reacting. And the people that say they can't tell their sorority secrets sound insane. I was in a sorority and if my husband asked me the secret password, I'd laugh and tell him. If you take pretty much ANYTHING that seriously, you need help. As long as he isn't sacrificing animals, drinking blood, or sacrificing important family time for the Freemasons, I think you're fine. Kind of sounds like you need a club, group, or hobby of your own. Or a bible study if you're so concerned with religion.
  • I find the whole mason vs catholic thing very interesting bc I have friends who are both catholic and masons.
    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

  • I know alotta Masons...and the only thing they are secretive about are rituals....they party hard but I've seen alot of charity. ..ppl tend to speak negatively on things they don't know....hopefully your husband joined for the right reasons cuz there are benefits....its against my beliefs but hey to each his own
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
«1
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards