Relationships

Losing friends after baby is born :(

I've heard of many people losing their close friendships after getting married and after having a baby I know there is no time for friends. But I'm a single mother, and don't have the companionship of a husband. The only other adults I see on a regular basis are my mother and sister.

 

How did you keep in touch with your friends after having a baby? Did you make new friends? Share some tips!

It's pretty lonely out here..! 

Re: Losing friends after baby is born :(

  • Well, having that attitude that "There is no time for friends" is going to play a factor in this.

    By and large, all the people I was friends with before I had DS I'm still friends with.  Yes, having a child is VERY time consuming and I will give that as a baby, it IS hard to find time for friends.  But it's not impossible.  You can find time if you really want to.

    And real friends will understand that things have changed.  Even if they don't have kids yet!  They'll understand that meeting for a quick coffee w/ the baby is what you need to do, or that coming over to your house for dinner can be a wonderful way to spend the night.  Kids or not - they'll understand and be willing to work with you. 

    For the friends that have kids - it's easy.  I plan playdates! 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • I don't have kids but I have lots of friends that do. We just hang out at their home (or ours) with the kids. It's not much different than before kids. One of my friends is older than me and her husband is old enough to be my dad (if he had a baby at like 18). They have 2 kids and we used to joke that I was the adopted older child because I went to everything with them. Trick or treating last year, birthday parties, christmas, thanksgiving, everything. haha

    If your friends are having a difficult time finding things to do with you and your child, perhaps reach out to other moms in the area. Maybe there is a mothers group in the area? You could look into sites like meetup.com to see if there are groups in your area. I used to hang out with a group I met on there for my local area (we used to go to gallery shows, art strolls, etc that we didn't want to do alone and none of our other friends would go to). You can find some good groups, but always be careful.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  •  I'm going to offer another perspective here as a married couple with no kids. We don't like kids and don't want kids. However, we are very happy for our friends that have kids. This year it seems like ALL of our married friends are having kids. We're happy for them, we really are, but EVERY single time we talk to them, the conversation always falls back to their child. They forward us pictures of their kids and start talking baby baby baby. 

     It was our choice to create distance with these friends. Like I said, great that you have kids but we don't want to hear about them every other second. And some of friends really have changed since having kids. I understand kids are life changing and you might have another view about life now (like one friend who perceives everything as dangerous now).

     I'm not against being friends with couples with kids, I just really limit my time with them because too often, their lives revolve around their kids which there is nothing wrong with, but it's not for either of us. And like I said, we prefer not to be around children. That's just us. 

     

     

     

     

     

  • image CaptKDB:

    It was our choice to create distance with these friends. Like I said, great that you have kids but we don't want to hear about them every other second. And some of friends really have changed since having kids. I understand kids are life changing and you might have another view about life now (like one friend who perceives everything as dangerous now).

    I fully 100% agree with you!  In the end, it's a 2 way street, and I didn't really say that in my other response.

    I have a kid and most of my friends have kids - I'm actually almost surprised at how LITTLE we talk about our kids.  I do have one friend, though, who she is one of those moms who only talks about her kid all.the.time.  It's kind of obnoxious, actually.  And, like you, I've started to distance myself from her.  And *I* have a child myself!  Even I don't want to be around constant kid talk! 

    When I'm w/ friends who don't have kids, I make a more concerted effort to not talk about DS too much.  It's not that hard as I don't talk about him all the time normally, but still - I do try to keep myself in check.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Well I guess it depends on why you are losing friends.  Is it because you are not keeping in touch with them?  Honestly its just e-mailing, texting, calling, getting together, getting a babysitter and making the effort.

    I've become more distant with some friends due to lack of time.  I've only really "lost" one friend and that was more on her end than mine (although maybe there are some other issues that I am not aware of).  

  • You could always join a mother and baby club where you meet once aweek and chat as babies play... its a good way of making new friends and getting good advise.

    or you could ask your mum to babysit so u can go and let your hair down with friends, invite friends over for a bottle of wine and a good DVD..

    being a new mum isnt easy, finding your feet takes time..

    Take the time not to lose yourself.. you might be a new mum, but you are still you as well

     

  • IF you have the time you could probably join a music or gym class for your child and make new friends that way. I too have a 2 yo and have grown apart from many of my friends.
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