I have been with my fiancee for over 2 years now and we have been engaged for 6 months. 3 months after we got engaged his younger sister also got engaged. I knew this would be complicated, as most family lives out of town and as she is the definition of princess she would be having the big wedding that everyone attended where as my fiancee and I would have the smaller intimate affair. Now his sister and I have always got along. There has never been an issue between us, she asked me to teach her how to drive, we've been to Bridal Expo's together and many nights out and long conversations.
About a month ago, when we were comparing guest lists she noticed that my fiancee and I were not inviting the entire side of his family - excluding some of the cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. My fiancee and I had decided on a small wedding - approx 60 people, and my family was approx 10 people - his was over 40. We agreed - with his parent's consent - to only invite the close extended family. His sister said nothing at the time when we were comparing guest lists, but that night my fiancee got his ear full (via text) from his sister. She basically was livid that we were cutting any of his family and said I should cut my family so his distant cousins (and their kids) could attend. This attack went on to include if we had the reception somewhere cheaper we could invite more people (we had decided to have the reception at the hotel where we had met), that what I was spending on center-pieces was ridiculous, and that I was spending all of his parent's hard earned money (they hadn't given us any money for the wedding, but had offered to help if needed).
It's a month later. I have tried on 5 separate occasions to speak with his sister. I want to clear the air. See where this came from. Hopefully mend what ever has happened. In the mean time his parents are acting like we better cancel our wedding because it's upsetting his sister. Now don't get me wrong, I want to resolve this issue, but I'm not willing to concede. She refuses to speak to me, be in the same room as me, nor will she acknowledge that there is an issue. My fiancee and his sister have never had a good relationship, they are the epitome of sibling rivalry. I am an only child, so I really don't understand when my fiancee tells me that his sister doesn't like him, therefore I am guilty by association.
I don't know what to do. My fiancee and I have stopped going to family dinners, declined attending events where she will be and with my fiancees birthday coming up, we have not invited her to our house for the event. I feel like everyone is blaming me for the family tension. His mom continues to cry because the family is starting to be split up. I feel if I really cancel my wedding, that I may make the sister and his mom happy, but I will resent them all.
I feel I could resolve this if we could talk - I've tried emails multiple times, and she is twisting everything I say to make her look like the victim. I feel this is straining my relationship with my fiancee because friends/work, etc ask when's the wedding or how is wedding planning going and I honestly don't have an answer - everything is in limbo right now and I am seriously losing sleep!
Any advice out there?? I really need it.