I have known Mary for about 15 years. Over the last 5 years or so, her behavior has become divisive and problematic.
She drinks and drinks a lot, to the point where 2 friends intervened (they are in recovery) and took Mary to an AA meeting (I found out about this via another friend of mine who is not connected to the 2 people in recovery that took her to an AA meeeting).. She did not return to AA after the 2 of them took her to that meeting.
I used to hear from/see Mary often but 10 years ago, she moved to a locale about 30 miles from me; she got involved with other friends and the friendship I had with Mary kind of lapsed and went by the wayside. (at the time she moved, i was still married and had my own acquaintances/friends/things to do with the H and family. So i really did not have that much time for Mary; it happens.)
I know none of these new-ish friends of hers. She's been in that circle with them for nearly 8 years.
Here's the scoop: A friend of mine mentioned to Mary that she's already in the process of planning a holiday party; she told Mary when the party was. Mary told her flat out she will not attend if I am there.
I have not seen Mary for nearly a year. I invited her to an event I ws having; that was the last I saw/heard from her --- this was last December.
To top this off, my friend suspects she is drinking a lot. Mary's also gained a ton of weight (it's most likely from the empty calories in the booze) plus she's abusing the medications she is on. She's mixing them with alcohol and you're not supposed to do that.
I can't figure out what she's got against me. We used to be pretty tight and as I said, I have not seen Mary nor heard from her in nearly a year.
The "I don't want to go if TM will be there" happened about 3 weeks ago. This past week, Mary stopped by to see the same friend and as a matter of conversation, mentioned to Mary that she and I went out to dinner for my birthday and that we enjoyed the cake that Mary dropped off at friend's house earlier in the week.
Mary blew up and told my friend that she should not have given any of the cake to me. Mary told my friend straight away that she was highly offended that I was given "Mary's" cake.
This caused a huge argument with Mary and friend and friend pretty much told Mary to shove off and that was the end of the conversation.
I don't know what is up with any of this. Something's in the mix and I don't know what.
Did I piss Mary off? Who knows! I have not, as I said, seen her or heard from her in nearly a year. what was there of our friendship, as I said, turned into a distant acquaintanceship over that year. So who knows why she's got such a bug up her ass over me?
People sure are funny. And considering how very bizarre this is -- the last I heard, if you gave an item to somebody, that person now owns the item. It's no longer yours, right? So what's this "you shouldn't have given her any of my cake" all about, then?
I say there is no loss here. None at all; I don't hear from Mary but who knows what happened that she's got this problem with me? Her name never comes up in conversation anynore, that's how distant it's been with she and I.