I need some advice about my marriage. Sorry this is long.... Here are the background details: We have been married for one year, together for six years total.
My husband has always had anger management issues. He has a stressful job and had a stressful childhood, so in the beginning I always just tried to be understanding and supportive. However, the anger slowly became very serious. An example could be that he might accidentally burn the dinner he was cooking, and before I know it he would be screaming insults at me until the point I would be in a ball on the floor crying. Honestly looking back at the situation, I should have left him much earlier, but it built up so slowly over time that I don't think I ever realized how serious it was. He went back to being a great guy after a while, so I assumed it was a phase he grew out of. After a year of being wonderful to me he asked me to marry him, and a year after that we got married. Well, not even two days into our honeymoon, he was back to the way he used to be. I became really depressed, began having panic attacks, and blamed myself. A few months later I realized that his behavior towards me was abuse, and told him that I would leave him, if he continued to abuse me. He started to be better to me, but took his anger out on other people instead. He would yell at people working in stores if they were out of an item or be incredibly rude and condescending to a waitress if she made a simple mistake, for example. I am honestly embarrassed to leave the house with him a lot. I have suggested therapy many times, but he refuses. He has now joined an anger management group that meets once a week, but I don't think that is going to be enough at this point, and I think he is only joining because I am basically forcing him to, not out of genuine wanting to do it. He is also extremely close minded and very judgmental, and I am now very concerned that when we have kids, they will be influenced by his anger and his attitudes towards other people.
Honestly if we were not married I would have 100% left him over the past year. But, now that we are married I feel so guilty wanting to leave, and I have no idea what to do. He is away a lot for work (military), and I cherish the moments I have alone in a house where I don't have to walk on eggshells and can come home from work in a great mood, and not have my happiness crushed within half an hour by his negativity. I haven't discussed this with my parents or many close friends because I know they will never forget about it, and I won't be able to move on in the future, should I decide to stay with him for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do at all, and need some advice.