Relationships

cycles

I've noticed that every few months my mind starts going nuts. I start thinking about every bad thing that has ever happend to me (especially anything between DH and I) and I start to feel like a shi&*hole person. I start thinking about my husbands previous relations and how they were probably better than me, or how im so shi&&y at my current job and I can't do anything right. It's sooo hard to just get my mind to SHUT UP!! It drives me insane and puts me in a funk. Has anyone been through something like this before? How did you handle it?

Re: cycles

  • Honey, I am not sure...but it sounds like you suffer from anxiety!  You may want to look up the symptoms...and talk to your doctor about it!  Smile 
  • Hunnybunnz:

    You are right on that one. I have noticed for a while now that I do in fact suffer from anxiety. I noticed this when I drive and I get lost (which happens often) after a few minutes I just say "screw it im not going" and will just head back home. Im scared to go to the doctor though I dont want the diagnosis to affect my job. I have tried to just deal with it on my own, but its very hard! Especially when you have all these thoughts that your worthless and you suck. Its not easy telling your mind to knock it off and think about something else. Sometimes I feel like I deliberately dig for hurtful information just so I can validate my thoughts that I'm worthless. I wish it would just stop already!

  • I agree with talking to a doctor- some of these thought patterns can be typical of people suffering from depression or anxiety, and if that is a factor, treatment will help.  

    I've dealt with this at various times in my life, and I finally figured out that when other aspects of my life are going poorly, I tend to beat myself up rather than looking around to see if there's something in my life that's beating ME up.  Look very honestly at your family relationships, your friends, your work environment-  are the people around you building you up and supporting you, or are they tearing you down? Are the tasks in front of you- at work, or at home, or in your social life- concrete and attainable, or do the people around you take the attitude that you could always do more- and therefore you never feel you've done enough?

    I'll say this- a message I received frequently growing up was that if I had a problem, I should look to myself first to see if I had played a part in it by being inconsiderate, not working hard enough, not thinking of it from the other person's perspective, etc. Add to this messages like, "Nobody's ever 100% right in an argument, there's always fault on both sides," and "Don't ask for an apology unless you're ready to offer one yourself for your part." I REALLY internalized that, and if anything goes wrong I immediately look for ways to blame myself.  I'm more comfortable telling myself I must be unmotivated or lazy or stupid than I am thinking that I've done all I can and my work demands are unreasonable- even if other co-workers have said the work demands are insane.  I'm more comfortable telling myself I must have done something offensive than that a friend is taking out her anger or frustration on me- even if she tends to do that to others, and I can't think of a single thing I could have rephrased.  

    I didn't mean to write a novel- it's just that I've felt before exactly the way that you describe, and realizing all of that was what really helped me.  The last time I felt like that, I ended up leaving a very toxic work environment for a much better one, and I feel so, so much better.  I hope something in what I wrote helps you- if not, I hope you find an answer that helps you and feel better soon!  

  • Track physical symptoms when this happens and write them down.  You may see a surprising pattern.  For example, I've noticed that I start thinking weird, paranoid thoughts about an hour after I feel hungry but decide I'm too busy to eat.  And I start picking fights with people around 30 minutes before I realize that I have to poop.
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  • You really need to see a doctor asap.  Along with the anxiety, you're getting lost often tells me you're distracted by your thoughts. You could be ADD, hyperthyroid, hormone imbalance...There are many things that could be wrong, but certainly treated.

    Why do you think you could lose your job? No one at your work needs to know anything. It's illegal for them to even ask. 

    I have had times of feeling like this, but they are usually quite fleeting and I can talk myself out of it. 

    I really feel bad for you. I hope you get some help and start to feel better. Good luck!

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