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I need something... but what?

I am not sure if this even the right place to post and ask for advice but here lately my bf and I have been living separately because of his job. We talk marriage but there is still obviously a distance and not just physically. We are doing good for the most part just feel there maybe what that they call the "stranger effect" when we do with my time start living together again in two weeks. "Stranger effect" is where people know each other but it's almost like we have been apart for so long we have different routines and things are like starting over again. To top it off I am a stay at home mom so I want to find something more productive to with my time especially once we move back in together because he will be going to work everyday and I don't want to just sit at home have no life or have the same routine I have had for the past 8 months. I love our child and love having a clean house for my family because I love them but I have to have a life of my own as well. I don't need to go out and shop or anything like that. I used to be VERY independent. I have a A.S.S and then I had a baby and been home ever since. Hard to try to adjust. I just feel I have been sitting here waiting to do anything with my life while I wait to get moved. I was thinking of doing marathons, going back to school or something. I guess if anyone has had these feelings or experienced these feelings any input would be appreciated.  

Re: I need something... but what?

  • I suggest you get involved in community activities.

    Volunteer --- every group in your community can use them: soup kitchens, homeless shelters, food banks, church groups, after school groups for kids, help coach/moderate an after school/intermural/interscholastic team.

    There are also fundraiser groups for various causes; there are also political groups and hobby-interest groups.

    I also suggest night school classes and clubs/groups where you can learn something: knitting, qulting, photography, cooking.  See what's on line in your area.

    Open a business of your own, if you have a hobby that can be a profitable one.

    I am not an advocate of haing kiddoes until the relationship is a stable one and you and he have been married and together for a couple of years. The distance is part of the fly that's in this ointment; so is the fact that you're not married to him.

    Until you are physically together and not separated by distance for at least 2 years, I wouldn't consider marriage until that time rolls around. I don't know the nuances of the relationship now but if you have spent little shared time together, don't marry this guy until you have a very sizable chunk of it under your belts: I suggested 2 years.

    Also, do not marry him or consider marriage until you get "you" squared away.:)  This is an excellent time for you to decide what it is YOU want to do with life. 

  • Thank you for you input. We have been together for 4 years and just separated for 8 months. As far as our child... she obviously was not planned. I to wanted to be married before children but life does not work out how we always plan it. However, that being said I would NEVER take it back! We have both agreed she has been the best thing that has ever happened to us. :)  
  • that changes things a bit . . . it wasn't clear from your original post that you had been together several years and that the child was his.

    My initial advice hasn't changed though - you have to be able to be happy with yourself before working on your relationship with someone else. What is it that YOU want to do? Find something that fulfills YOU. Look for opportunities you can do now, without waiting.

    By the way what's an A.S.S.? 

  • hehe I think she means AAS. A 2 year degree.:) Probably a typo.;)

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