Married Life

Does anyone else feel completely lost?

My husband and I got engaged on Christmas day, 2011. That left us nine months to plan our wedding for September. It wasn't a long timeline, but doable. My whole life for the better part of a year has been devoted to planning this wedding. If we weren't meeting with potential vendors, I was online researching or pinning ideas to my Pinterest board. You get the idea. All wedding. All the time.

We've been married about a month now and I am the happiest I've ever been - with my relationship. But now I'm feeling increasingly more unhappy with other aspects of my life that I was able to overlook these past months. I really think I have post-wedding depression! Obviously I know it's nothing like actual depression, but I feel bummed most of the time. It's been nice to actually be able to finish a book, or just watch a tv show if I want to. But now I'm broke, unhappy with the apartment we live in, and I am back to realizing how much I hate my job, especially.

 With planning the wedding, the job search and apartment hunt got put on the back burner. Now that there's no wedding to plan, I have nothing else to feel excited about. I feel like I can't get excited about a new place because we don't have any money. I really want that fresh start in a house, but all we can afford is a crappy apartment complex. We don't have the money to purchase a house, and neither of us is ready to commit to which school district we're going to raise our kids in.

I hate my job, but it's been paying me the money I needed for this wedding. After have 13 days off for the honeymoon (we stayed local - again, no money), coming back to work was a major downer.

I know I need to be motivated to find a job that makes me happy, and find a home to start our family in, but all I feel is bummed about everything. And broke. I definitely feel broke. And directionless. I'm 24 years old and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

 I know this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. My husband has a baby on his mind, but I can't even THINK about that until I have a job and a home that I care about. But where do I even start?

Does anyone else have post-wedding blues?? 

Anniversary

Re: Does anyone else feel completely lost?

  • Yes! We also got married in September and were engaged for a year and nine months.  All that planing and it is over in one day!  Once, we got settled in from our honeymoon and back to our normal work routine we kinda had the feeling of "now what?".  There was no longer the anticipation of the wedding. So, now we are getting organized in our finances.  We paid off all of our debts, and DH wants us to start saving for a down payment on a house.  That is our next adventure!  It is defiantly something to look forward to. We know it won't happen for a couple of years, but we are still excited to be working towards the same goal.  Maybe you guys need a goal, or something to look forward to?  Such as going back to school, paying of loans, or finding a better job.  

    Also, don't get caught up in the clich? of "the happiest time of my life".   Getting married is a HUGE life transition.  You are going to experience many different emotions, all are normal.  And, you don't have to do everything all at once; such as getting married, buying a house, and having babies.  One thing at a time.  You just got married, enjoy it.  Worry about the other stuff later.  

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I definitely understand what you are feeling.  I was so consumed with wedding planning and I did everything by myself. My mother is deceased and I have no aunts or female cousins that I'm close with, and my BFF which was my maid of honor sucked, which made my wedding day not go as I would have liked. After the wedding, I could'nt even watch wedding shows on TV without getting post-wedding blues.

    After the wedding and the honeymoon,(we stayed local also), I was the happiest ever, but also felt kind of let down. All our money went to the wedding, and now that the planning is over, I felt like what do we do now? I could go on and on, but I will spare you and just let you know that you are not alone.

    It will get better. I just concentrate on the fact that the wedding just symbolizes the love you and DH have for each other, so just enjoy being a newlywed and fullfilling the hopes and dreams you and DH have for the future.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC since September 2012
  • It happens. It sucks. But you have to move forward.

    If you don't like your job, seek something else. 
    If you feel broke all.the.time, get a second job. Or third. Or fourth. Whatever will help you feel less broke and pay off your debts, or start a savings account.
    If you don't know what you want to be when you grow up, seek a career counselor. 

    Take risks. You're young, and have the opportunity to search different fields of interest. 

    Why is your apartment crappy? Why can't you make it feel more like "home" on the inside? Is there any other apartment close by that's within your budget? What about income-based housing? 

    Set a budget. If you "needed" money for the wedding, and saved it from your job, then you need to start a savings account and be just as strict with it as you were saving for the wedding. 

    Like PP mentioned, getting married is a big life changing event. It may not be the happiest time in your life. Don't let other people's relationships fool you. Marriage is tough, no matter how many times your friend writes on FB that her husband is the best thing ever. Husbands can suck. Wives can suck. It's hard work. You don't always have to be happy. Congratulations and best of luck!
  • At the risk of sounding like everyone, it's extremely normal to feel very down after all that planning ends. Especially when it eats up all that money. I sort of expected that it'd happen for me, and read books about how it WOULD happen, so I avoided it a little bit by prepping myself for it but I was a little sad the night after the wedding because it was over. All my dreaming compacted into a few hours. And while being married is great, it's so ordinary now. You're with this guy for the rest of your life...or so you'd hope. 

    Try to focus on the happier parts though! You JUST got married, so money may be a bit tight. But you will bounce back. You made money for the wedding. And then you can move out of your complex and onto a better house...eventually. It will take time, and like hesakeeper said, it takes saving. But you have FOREVER to do this now. Hopefully a wedding won't make you in debt until your daughter gets married, and that is only if you WANT to pay. 

    For now, talk on here and ignore negative nancies. There are some people who care, and you can seek help from newlyweds going through the same thing. :3 That is what the site is for, right? :D 
    image PitaPata Cat tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I have been working a job I hate for 14 years! Somehow, I manage to keep going back. I mean, I DO need an income.

    My hubby and I were married a little over a year ago. Life was going along smoothly for three months, until Thanksgiving, when he was fired from his job and denied unemployment. Now there's a real issue to be depressed over! But I deal with it and make the best out of our situation.

    I agree with the other poster, if your apartment sucks, do something to make it feel more like home. Didn't you get presents at your wedding? Use some of that stuff to make your place feel special. Go to Home Depot and buy a gallon of mis-mixed paint to liven up the living room walls. Rearrange the furniture. Get creative with ways to use what you already own to make it prettier and feel fresh. 

    Yeah, you're 24. You're SUPPOSED to be broke. You're not going to have everything your parents have worked their entire lives to accumulate. A house, nice cars, and other possessions don't make you happy anyway. It's your attitude that needs fixed and not your lot in life. 

       

  • Did you and he blow your entire savings over a one day wedding?

    If you did, very bad news.

    A wedding is for one day. I see no damn sense in having a wedding that you can't afford, just to keep up with everybody else or do it because everybody expects it.

    Financial counselor STAT for the both of you.  You're now in real life: making ends meet and budgeting money.

    If you didn't blow all of your savings on a wedding, there are things you can do: take a hobby and make it profitable (open an etsy shop or something) or get a part time job during your down time. Try a local store or something retail; bartend or wait tables. Or use what hobbies and skills you have to earn extra money.

    Have you taken an aptitude test?

    At 24, there are a good many people who are questioning their jobs and skills --- take an aptitude test and see what your strenghts are; maybe look into changing careers and jobs as per what your strengths are.
  • Honesty, I was thrilled when our wedding was over.  I didn't want to deal with it and all its details for one more second.  My husband and I sat down after our honeymoon, looked at each other and said "Oh my god, that was great.  And, back to real life - finally!"  Ha.

    We married at 30, however, and were/are knee-deep in career building.  Those are our goals.  Both of us are passionate about being the absolute best at our chosen paths that we can be and we were both excited to getting back to it.  Neither of us wants a whole house right now (who has time to clean that?) but a child is something we'll discuss in the near future.

    You are 24.  What kind of job are you working?  If you don't like it, what would you like to do?  Take the steps to make that happen.  Make finding a new job in an area you love your new project.  

    Also - no one hands you money as you get older.  At 24, you're barely past entry level in anything so it's not like you're going to be making insane amounts of money.  That's life.  Like anything, you put your time in and reap the rewards of your dedication.  You have just started up that ladder so don't expect to be rich or even able to buy a house right now - that's normal.  You'll get there.  If you don't expect to have everything by 25, then you won't be disappointed.

     

  • H and I were LDR for 1 year, 2 months until our wedding. After the wedding I was just excited that I got him all to myself for our week honeymoon and that we were no longer long distance.Big Smile

    Then, I had to find a job (as I'd moved to be with him). It took me three years to find a real job. I was underemployed in my field for three years and I hated it. I was miserable and depressed about it. So I know I could just tell you to job hunt since you're unhappy, but especially in this crappy economy it's not that easy. While job hunting could you volunteer/work part time in some other field that you have an interest in? (I had no problem finding part time work.)

     H and I were definitely not rolling in the dough. We're still not. We pay our bills with leftover for an e-fund/savings, but we're not rich by any means. We're only 26 and 27. No house for us, just an apartment that I go stir crazy in from time to time. Saving for a house makes me laugh because we'll be at least 30-35 before we're able to even think about being able to afford something like that.

    It will get better. Talk to your H. Let him know how you feel. Make plans for saving goals, decorating goals, moving goals or whatever. I always feel better when H knows that I'm down and countering my feelings with little goals. We paid off our car loan early and that was a goal for us, for example.

    GL!

  • I am actually a bit relieved to have the wedding over. I turned 25 just 10 days after our September wedding. I have hated what I do for 3 years now and I'll finally (hopefully) be going to grad school for something new next fall. I struggled for a while with what that something new would be, like you are. I found it by having the same job title but just switching companies and industries (I'm in finance/accounting and switched jobs to be working in finance at a hospital and then I discovered I wanted a clinical degree).  In this economy it is definitely hard to switch to a job you have no experience in but maybe a lateral move that is nearer to something that interests you (or just totally different to shake things up) may help. 

    We bought a house 4 weeks before our wedding and then paid for the wedding so I get you feeling broke.  We are fortunate to be in a spot where we aren't worried about our month to month bills or anything, it is just all the little projects (and big projects) our house needs at some point and paying off other debt etc.  Looking at all our debt is overwhelming.  But, we plan to sit down once we get our new paycheck amounts (combining our insurances will change our takehome) and set up realistic savings goals and prioritizing what debt to pay down and where to save for new projects.  That is a way more grown-up/boring task than planning a wedding, but it is something to do together and work on together.  If the big stuff like buying a house is out of reach, maybe you can have smaller things to look forward to?  Maybe saving here and there to go on the not-local HM you hoped for.  Or saving every few months to have a special date night?  You eventually have to save for the big stuff too but marriage can still have fun things!  I sometimes feel like "Ok this is my life for the rest of my life" and that seems long when we are so young so you got to make things fun. 

    Also, I believe having a baby is a couple's decision but that men sometimes don't know the impact it has on us.  I would talk to DH and explain that 1. you shouldn't feel completely broke when you start TTC 2. at least one of you should have a very stable job they enjoy before having a kid and if it's important to you that YOU enjoy your job and are set on a career path you like before having a kid (it'll be harder to switch once you have an extra mouth to feed). 

  • I experienced the exact same thing! I have been married for about a month and a half and I am just now starting to feel like myself again. After the wedding I constantly felt down in the dumps. I think it is because everyday there was something to finalize or plan and that came to a complete halt after the wedding. We also did not go on a honeymoon because I am in school. That was a bummer for me too.My husband even noticed. He said I lost my since of humor since the wedding. I know how you feel and it is completely normal! I have heard of other brides going through post wedding blues. You will bounce back!
  • H and I were so glad when the wedding and planning were over.  It was chaotic and we wanted to get back to our normal lives. 
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • I am sorry that you are feeling this way, but I am also so happy that you decided to post about it. I have been feeling the same way and was starting to worry that I was alone in it. We've only been married less than a month and I dont know what to do with myself. Without the wedding planning consuming my life, I feel like I've lost something. I shouldn't feel sad, Ive just married the man of my dreams. 

    Feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to... ~Beth 

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