Relationships

Are Parents Ruining My Relationship?

Hello fellow bloggers!

I have a huge problem I'm about to marry this great guy in a month and my parents are making my life a living hell! First I don't speak to my father because first he has a HUGE temper and with every stupid thing he gets steamed! So he got mad at me from an insignificant situation and beat me and left me a HUGE bruise on my eye the sad thing is im an adult and I had to hide at my place just so people wouldnt ask me what happened. I didnt know how to tell my guy but I had to eventually he would find out right? So when he heard my story he had a bad reaction and doesnt want to visit my place until after the wedding maybe, I havent spoken to my father for almost 2 weeks because everytime I look at him it hurts me, then comes my mother she nags too much about the wedding and wants me to invite her coworkers I keep telling her I cant because I dont have enough money to have too many invites (weddings are expensive we all know that) and she keeps talking over and over about it, of how embarrising it is that her coworkers talk about the wedding and she cant invite them etc. I lost my temper with her and she judges me every single day about my attitude, my guy is mad because he is paying for everything and my parents havent helped much just my mom with my dress nothing else.. he's examining my familiy for the past 3 years and hes a bit worried of how it will affect us in our future, I dont want him to back out because I've tried my best to fix things and make him feel confident about us.

I'm really hurt and feel like this whole big step to my life is consuming me

Here is the famous question "What should I do?"

Re: Are Parents Ruining My Relationship?

  • Your father gave you a black eye? And beat you?????

    Why didn't you call the police??? This is assault and your father needs a restraining order. He also needs to be thrown int he hoosegow!!!

    What did your FI do????

    Holy crackers...get rid of that monstrosity you call a "father." If he's assaulted you he's downright dangerous.

    And you also sound like you're in denial over this. THis is NO little thing!!!!

    Any man who hits anybody and beats them is a mental case; that's my opinion. This is somebody who's not all there.

    Not to mention that your mother should have thrown him the hell out when this happened!!!! What's going on here, really???

    Discontinue any type of communicationw with him. Report the assault to the cops and get a restraining order out against him and BAN HIM FROM YOUR WEDDING.

    If  your mother doesn't like it, that's just too bad. if she feels that strongly about her H attending your wedding and he is not permitted to do so, she can jolly well stay home with him.

    Perhaps this is MUD. My dad beat me and gave me a black eye and gee that's only the teeniest of problems; everytime i look at him he hurts me. 

    Did he hit you or not or did you make up this whole thing???

    This is kind of weird:

     I didnt know how to tell my guy but I had to eventually he would find out right?

    Yes, what's going on here? Did this assault happen or is this MUD?

  • Let me get this straight - you're an adult, living at home, where your father beats on you, your mother looks the other way, and you cover it up? If I were your FI I'd be seriously reconsidering attaching myself to your family too!

    You need counseling. You are being abused, and you appear not to have the skills required to identify and properly process that. If I were you, I'd leave your parents house immediately, and find a safe place to stay. Begin counseling to understand what has been happening your whole life. If you want your H to be confident you the two of you, you need to be confident in yourself first.

    There's so much more to say, but the overwhelming advice is to leave and get help. Best of luck to you

    Break cycle BFP on 11/6/12 after 17 cycles and a failed IUI - TTC/BFP details in bio
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    Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
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  • Skip the big wedding, go to the court house, get married, get out and don't look back.  Your fianc? is right to want nothing to do with your parents.

    perhaps after your father gas gone thru anger counseling and your mother gets counseling for her co dependency, and you get serious counseling to stop the cycle of abuse, you can have a relationship with them again.

    but there is no way in hell either of those people would be welcome in my home, or anywhere near my children, inlaws, friends or other loved ones. 

  • Counseling stat.  I would no longer talk to my family if my father gave me a black eye.  Your mom is out of line too in demanding you invite people since she is not paying.  No wonder your FI is scared he will marry into this family. 
  • image ldmessing:

    Skip the big wedding, go to the court house, get married, get out and don't look back.  Your fianc? is right to want nothing to do with your parents.

    perhaps after your father gas gone thru anger counseling and your mother gets counseling for her co dependency, and you get serious counseling to stop the cycle of abuse, you can have a relationship with them again.

    but there is no way in hell either of those people would be welcome in my home, or anywhere near my children, inlaws, friends or other loved ones. 

    This. 

  • First of all I call MUD!  Truthfully your father would have a longer history of beating you if this was true, you make it sound like it's never happened before.  

     

    If in fact it is true, Call the cops.  Restraining order, Ban from wedding and all future contact.  There's never an excuse to hit a woman, even your own blood. 

  • One more thing,  if you do ban him from the wedding hire two police officers ($25hr-$50hr) to stand by the entrance of your wedding venue with orders to not allow him in.  You know for a fact he's going to come.  Off duty officers can be hired to work events and be in uniform.  You're paying them directly.  They do have the right to arrest, and ticket as an on-duty officer does.  I hired cops all the time to watch equipment or close down streets when I shoot a commercial.  Just call the department they will provide rates.
  • image ROFL ATTACK:

    First of all I call MUD!  Truthfully your father would have a longer history of beating you if this was true, you make it sound like it's never happened before.  

     

    If in fact it is true, Call the cops.  Restraining order, Ban from wedding and all future contact.  There's never an excuse to hit a woman, even your own blood. 



    I'm with you on this one -- her own father gives her a black eye and beats her --- and all she can say is that he's got a hot temper and that he hurts her feelings???

    He belongs in JAIL.

    And that her mother didn't kick his ass clear out of the house is very very disturbing.

    And if it is true, the OP needs counseling and she needs to tell off her entire immediate family, her mother included and then never speak to them again or have contact with them.
  • image ldmessing:

    Skip the big wedding, go to the court house, get married, get out and don't look back.  Your fianc? is right to want nothing to do with your parents.

    perhaps after your father gas gone thru anger counseling and your mother gets counseling for her co dependency, and you get serious counseling to stop the cycle of abuse, you can have a relationship with them again.

    but there is no way in hell either of those people would be welcome in my home, or anywhere near my children, inlaws, friends or other loved ones. 

    This 

  • image heatherandclaytonwedding:
    image ldmessing:

    Skip the big wedding, go to the court house, get married, get out and don't look back.  Your fianc? is right to want nothing to do with your parents.

    perhaps after your father gas gone thru anger counseling and your mother gets counseling for her co dependency, and you get serious counseling to stop the cycle of abuse, you can have a relationship with them again.

    but there is no way in hell either of those people would be welcome in my home, or anywhere near my children, inlaws, friends or other loved ones. 



    I am wondering what kind of a guy it is that does NOT go beserk or stark raving mad the second he finds out that his intend's father hit her and beat her.

    This entire post by the OP is just....weird.

    I am still wondering if this is MUD.

    This 

  • Thanks for the reply, Well no its not made up, believe me I was going to call the police and I screamed it at him but my mom got in the way and didnt let him touch me, after I was a little calm my mom begged me not to call PPD. I did it for her and to not make anymore problems its kinda difficult, and believe me I dont want him to go to the wedding
  • Hello and thanks for the advice, well I left out the part of when my mother got in the way to stop him and she begged me not to call the police, I wanted to move as quickly as possible but I dont have anywhere to go. My guy and I have a house but its not ready until before the wedding, and hes living with his family until then, I dont want to go to his fams house because they are religious and have rules if you understand, and well Im just a little stressed! Sad
  • You would rather stay at your home and be beat by your father, than go to to your FI and live by his parents rules...?
    Anniversary Vacation
  • Do you work? What about getting your own place for a while until your house is ready.

    I'm sorry but I would never stay in a home with a man who hit me, and I would cut off contact with my father if he hit me. And I don't care if your mom tried to stop him at the time, I'm still side-eyeing the crap out of her for pressuring you not to file charges and for staying with him.

    Your FI is likely not willing to see him because he is so angry that he knows he won't be able to help himself if he is around your father. And I don't blame him one bit. I can't even imagine what my DH would do if my dad did something like that to me.

  • image lmar004:
    Hello and thanks for the advice, well I left out the part of when my mother got in the way to stop him and she begged me not to call the police, I wanted to move as quickly as possible but I dont have anywhere to go. My guy and I have a house but its not ready until before the wedding, and hes living with his family until then, I dont want to go to his fams house because they are religious and have rules if you understand, and well Im just a little stressed! Sad

     STOPPED HIM???

    Dude, you said he BEAT YOU...

    First I don't speak to my father because first he has a HUGE temper and with every stupid thing he gets steamed! So he got mad at me from an insignificant situation and beat me and left me a HUGE bruise on my eye the sad thing is im an adult

    And they are religious. That's a real laugh.

    I can't figure out what is more screwed up here:

    How you don't seem to think this guy's ass belongs in jail for assault and battery
    How your future H didn't go positively stark raving mad and red white and blue bezerk when he found out your father BEAT YOU
    How You just seem to think this entire thing is just a family spat and a mere trifle. "I really don't want him at my wedding..."

    This. Is. Just. Too. Strange.

    And I still call MUD.

  • Please call a domestic violence hotline in your area and get to a shelter for the time being.  I agree that you need to get out of your house, but I'm not sure that getting married ASAP and going to live with your fiance is the best idea right now- I feel like you would be getting married primarily to escape your current situation, and that's not a good reason to get married.  Can you get your own place for awhile, with roommates to split the cost if necessary?
  • image renegade gaucho:
    Please call a domestic violence hotline in your area and get to a shelter for the time being.  I agree that you need to get out of your house, but I'm not sure that getting married ASAP and going to live with your fiance is the best idea right now- I feel like you would be getting married primarily to escape your current situation, and that's not a good reason to get married.  Can you get your own place for awhile, with roommates to split the cost if necessary?

    Yes please all of this.

  • holy crap woman!!!!  I moved out of my parents home when I was 17 years old in the middle of the night, when I was a senior in high school, just a month before I graduated from high school!  FOR THIS VERY SAME REASON!!!!! 

    My father didn't DARE try to come after me, or call the police on me as a runaway!!!  My mother felt like CRAP!!!  Both of my parents abused me as a teenager!!!  I finally had enough, I had a place to go!  I left!

    IF I were you, I would move in with your FI, seperate bedrooms or whatever, or with his parents!  CEASE contact with your family!

     

  • You father needs to learn a hard lesson, hitting a girl is never acceptable.  Hitting anyone at all is never acceptable.  But regardless of what your mother wants he needs to be reported.  Not for your sake, but for your own mother.  You need to own up to responsibility that he probably hits your mother too, if he hits you. You mother asking you not to call the police is a real red flag that everything is NOT OK in your own home.  Who cares your getting married, who gives a crap about peoples feelings.  When it comes to domestic abuse your own mother has to live with this douche nozzle crap bag.  

    Cops

    Restraining order

    Never apologize for it either. 

  • :"( I guess your right I've just been going through so much, I want to just run away and forget about everything and everyone
  • Yeah trust me I ran away so many times but dont worry I finally got out and I feel so  much better my father has been trying to look for me asking for me to forgive him but I dont know what to do

     

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