Married Life

Step MIL baby talk vent

My Step Mother In Law is has been making comments that are starting to make me uncomfotable. Some background, DH's parents got divorced about 4 years ago. DH's dad got remarried in March 2010. DH and I got married in May 2010. So, I have only known my step MIL for about 3 years. We get along fine. We have dinner at their house once a week. She has been planning a trip for the family to go to Hawaii Oct 2013. DH and I are talking about having kids next year sometime, but nothing is set in stone Here's my issue: Two weeks in a row after dinner she has commented about us having a baby. Saying, "With all the work your doing to your house and everything, make sure you don't get pregnant before Hawaii." Almost like she is presurring us not to have a baby. The first time I just brushed it off. Thinking to myself, I can travel pregnant. But now its been twice. Part of me wants to confront her. Saying why does she care if I'm pregnant in Hawaii. I would understand if she wants us to enjoy Hawaii without a baby in tow, but that is not what I think she is saying. (And at this point, that is not the plan) The other part of me just wants to leave it alone. I guess I just don't understand why she cares, or feels like she has a right to dictate what DH and I are going to do. She is the only one out of the three sets of would-be grandparents that is bringing up us having a baby. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Re: Step MIL baby talk vent

  • Well, if you get pregnant now that means you'll have the baby in the summer of 2013, right around vacation time.  If the vacation is shortly before you give birth, then you probably won't be flying to Hawaii, and if the vacation is right after the birth, you'll be recovering.  So, if you get pregnant anytime soon, you and DH probably won't be joining them in Hawaii.

    That being said, do what you want.  If you and DH want to have a baby soon, don't let her nagging effect your decision.  If you guys want to go to Hawaii this summer, then I'd wait just a little bit longer before getting pregnant (you can still travel while pregnant, just wouldn't suggest it during the end of pregnancy).  But if you don't care about the Hawaii trip, then go for baby-making whenever you want.

    Side note, your MIL's comments are really rude.  They would drive crazy!

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  • Thanks for the reply! At this point we are planning to start trying in May or June 2013. If everything falls into place right away, which it probably won't, I would be 4-5 months pregnant for the Hawaii trip. Technically we could do both! Also, I'm still not sure I'm ready. Nothing is set in stone and next May can come and I might say not yet. I just think it is very strange for her to say these things.
  • Honestly, I wish I had the guts to say this to some of the women I know.  Instead I just facepalm and headdesk when they tell me they're pregnant.

    All three of the women I'm about to tell you about got pregnant on either the first or second month of trying. 

    One is married to an accountant.  She gave birth as expected in the first part of April.  She complains that H is so busy/ stressed/ working long hours when it's the kid's birthday.

    Another had been planning a giant once in a lifetime major vacation for like a year.  Vacation is booked.  After she got pregnant, she realized that she was due in the middle of said vacation.

    Finally, the one who bought a brand new house without air conditioning.  She was due beginning of September and seemed surprised that she was hot, miserable, and without air conditioning.

    For the women I know, it seems that wanting a baby makes one forget how to count.

     O!  Forgot the teacher who was mad that she wouldn't get any maternity leave because she was due just after school got out.

     

  • Well being that DH is her son she gives unsolicited advice. That is why. But it doesn't make it ok. All I can recommend is not talk about personal family things with her. My husband and I are thinking of having another one. At one point we were saying definitely no but now we see the chances of it after we sell some houses of ours that are on the market. And no one has any idea we have even talked about MAYBE having a 3rd one. Not sharing family plans goes a long way. Babies/pregnancy never get brought up now. Other then that you can't really stop her comments.
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  • But my husband is not her son. That is the irritating part for me. His dad got married for the second time two months before my husband and I got married. None of the biological would be grand parents are bringing it up.
  • image amberstar13:
    But my husband is not her son. That is the irritating part for me. His dad got married for the second time two months before my husband and I got married. None of the biological would be grand parents are bringing it up.

     You aren't upset about her being worried about a vacation to Hawaii. You are pissed and stunned that she is telling you what to do on something that is none of her business. I feel you on this.

    My MIL told me not to get pregnant for the first 4 years of my marriage. She just couldn't deal with it, it isn't a good time for her. You want to know how I handled it? I nodded, smiled and walked away. I also never told her or anyone when we started trying because its no ones business but me and DH.

    Ignore her and do what you want you are an adult. But I would wait until after Hawaii.... ;) 

  • You're right. I have come to that realization over the last few days. Thank you!! I'm not going to let it bother me anymore. It's not worth the stress
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