Married Life

Touchy, touchy

My DH is very touchy-feely. My body is very sensitive, so sometimes when he does touch me, It's a natural reaction to pull away because I simply don't want to be touched at that moment. When I say touching, I mean he will either (gently) grab my breasts, or run finger down my sex randomly during the day. It's hard to explain to him what I just mentioned, that I'm sensitive at that moment and don't want to be touched, yet he still gets a little defensive. I hope he's not taking it too personal because ("in the bedroom") I do love to be touched. But just because he's my husband doesn't mean he's entitled to touch me privately at any time he wants to.

Not going to get into detail, but I had been sexually abused when I was very young, and I'm wondering if this pulling away reaction may have a little to do with it. (FYI, I've gone through years of therapy to move on from the abuse, and no longer need it.)

Anyways, correct me if I'm wrong for pulling away. However, if there's anything I can say to him to maybe help him understand this reaction better, I could use the help.

Re: Touchy, touchy

  • I agree with you sometimes I pull away just because at that moment I don't want to be touched that way. There seems to never be an off switch with men regarding this issue. As for your personal situation, I assume your DH knows about you abuse? It is definitely something that needs to be discussed because it can cause resentment toward the other. If you notice he does it during certain times of the day or activities make sure he knows that is not a time or place that is acceptable to you. I'm still going through this battle with my DH and we have been married for 15 months. I honestly think some men are so sexually driven that they don't realize what they are doing is not wanted and might upset their partner. It takes a lot of communication.

    imageMags's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    BabyFruit Ticker
    TTC 19 months ~Started Acupuncture 5/2014~ BFP 7/6/14 EDD 3/14/15
  • I'm glad you can relate! And yes, he is aware of what happened. I will have to pay better attention to certain times he does it, but at least it's when we're alone. If it was ever in front of someone I would be pretty upset. This is more of an annoyance, really. But for another example, just this morning we were watching tv on the couch, and he randomly pulls my pullover down, and as I quickly pulled it back up he said, "What? I just wanted to see them (breasts)." I'm thinking, dude, you see them everyday anyways!

  • Can I just make a quick suggestion? I used to have the same problem, sometimes I would just be "sensitive" and not want to be touched, especially gently. And it turned out, I had a mild skin allergy! I started taking half a Claritin every three days, and the problem is totally gone. Not sure the extent of your sensitivity (perhaps it's not even physical) but just a suggestion to keep in mind. 
    Just a millennial generation wife trying to make it after all.
  • I will keep that in mind, thats interesting and I haven't thought of that. Thanks
  • I don't have a skin issue or have been abused and I still get this way from time to time. H and I have been together for 11 years and it happens once in a blue moon because H gets overly excited. It's ok, I just gently remind him and he's sorry, then it's all good. It just takes time and constant reminders when it happens. Telling him when a good time would be or telling when you want it is helpful. Just remember communication is key.

    ETA: Is there a different way he can touch you or something he can do to show his interest in you?  

  • I think holding my hand or pitting his hand on my thigh is good enough for me. Thanks, you have good points, too.

  • In all honesty... it's like training a puppy. Constantly reminding him what is not acceptable.

    imageMags's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    BabyFruit Ticker
    TTC 19 months ~Started Acupuncture 5/2014~ BFP 7/6/14 EDD 3/14/15
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