Getting Pregnant

TTC and nosey/rude people (suggestions needed)

A friend of ours is coming to town and will be visiting us soon. He and his wife are great and all but I am super nervous about the visit. We haven't seen them since their son was a few months old.

The last time they were here, they were really condescending about the fact that DH and I didn't have children. They made snide remarks about the fact that "everybody" was having kids by now and basically "what's wrong with you?" type of comments. They don't know anything about our TTC. I was really offended by it because even if we weren't TTC, who are they to judge a couple's choice not to have children?

I'm worried that she will be rude as she was the last time they were here. I am trying to prepare myself with a response that indicates that they are over stepping a boundary while still being kind. I don't want things to be awkward.

Any suggestions? How do I respond to this sort of thing?

Eating Chocolate Bunny
TTC since Dec. 2009. TTC buddies with Cinco and Faheat.

Re: TTC and nosey/rude people (suggestions needed)

  • frizbyfrizby
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    member

    I really have no idea how to respond to such a situation, I feel it would be so awkward. Perhaps you could say, "This is a really uncomfortable conversation for us, could you please not bring it up again?" It doesn't really give anything away, but let's her know it's not appropriate to bring up.

    ((Hugs)) Best of luck, hon.  

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  • I typically meet rudeness with rudeness, but I'm not one to mince words. I'd likely say something like, "Well, isn't that thoughtful!" (if I felt like being nice). If I didn't feel like being so nice, i would say, "It must be hard being that awesome all the time!"
  • image Panderp:
    I typically meet rudeness with rudeness, but I'm not one to mince words. I'd likely say something like, "Well, isn't that thoughtful!" (if I felt like being nice). If I didn't feel like being so nice, i would say, "It must be hard being that awesome all the time!"

    I'm sorry, but it sounds like these people are not such wonderful friends. Knowing your TTC issues or not, I think those comments are super out of line.

    That being said, if she's still going to say them, like Panda, I'd meet rudeness with rudeness.  

    ?"All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share."
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  • I think you should just say, "Well, we saw how horribly you screwed up your child, and we aren't ready to do that to another human being." Wink

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  • Normally, I'm the nice one, but I'm grumpy today so I'm in the mood to be snarky.

    I say ask them uncomfortable personal questions about their sex life.

    imageimage
    image


    Me = 42, DH = 46


    7/10 Married and Began TTC


    4/11 Referred to RE


    5/11 Testing: TSH normal, AMH 0.22, FSH 14.6 = dx DOR; SA count 48 ml, 58% motil, normal morph


    5/11 HSG showed tubes clear, suspected uterine polyp; SHG confirmed; surgery to remove polyp


    6/11 & 7/11 Annovulatory cycle & Elevated estrogen level cycle delays start of injectible IUI


    9/16/11 FSH up to 15.6, Follistim+Ovidrel+IUI=BFP (9/30) CP (10/3)


    10-12/11 IUI's 2&3=BFN's, RE says IVF with OE not an option


    3/2012 Moving on to DE-IVF, 3/21 D-ER-42R, 32M, 29F, 3/26 ET of 2 B+ blasts


    4/5 Beta #1 = 477! 4/9 Beta #2 = 1777!! 4/25 u/s shows one little heartbeat! EDD 12/12/12



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  • spin25spin25
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    I would say something like, "Well, I just really like it in the butt, and that don't make no babies."

    You sound like you're nicer than me, though. Stick out tongue Maybe something like "We hope to have kids at some point. We're going to keep that timeline to ourselves though." 

    image
  • I would also have a hard time being nice.  I like the suggestion that their kid is such a hand full that it makes you want to wait.
                                       image              image
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  • image spin25:

    I would say something like, "Well, I just really like it in the butt, and that don't make no babies.".  

    My DH said he always wanted to say this to people but wasn't gutsy enough. 

    ?"All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share."
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  • spin25spin25
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    image AGsWife:
    image spin25:

    I would say something like, "Well, I just really like it in the butt, and that don't make no babies.".  

    My DH said he always wanted to say this to people but wasn't gutsy enough. 

    Yeah, I've never actually said it, lol. I love the idea of making nosy people feel awkward though. But the longer we TTC, the closer I get to having the balls to say it. Throw in some alcohol and I'll almost be there. Ha!

    image
  • image Panderp:
    I typically meet rudeness with rudeness, but I'm not one to mince words. I'd likely say something like, "Well, isn't that thoughtful!" (if I felt like being nice). If I didn't feel like being so nice, i would say, "It must be hard being that awesome all the time!"

    I hear ya! All I can think of is rude comments to reply with.

    The most polite one I can think of is "I guess they don't teach you manners at parenting class."  That's all I've got. lol.

    Sadly, I fear I will do the same as I did last time and just smile as she rambles on about how "behind" we are.

    Eating Chocolate Bunny
    TTC since Dec. 2009. TTC buddies with Cinco and Faheat.
  • image AGsWife:

    image Panderp:
    I typically meet rudeness with rudeness, but I'm not one to mince words. I'd likely say something like, "Well, isn't that thoughtful!" (if I felt like being nice). If I didn't feel like being so nice, i would say, "It must be hard being that awesome all the time!"

    I'm sorry, but it sounds like these people are not such wonderful friends. Knowing your TTC issues or not, I think those comments are super out of line.

    That being said, if she's still going to say them, like Panda, I'd meet rudeness with rudeness.  

    I kind of have to agree with AG - why are you spending time with a "friend" who is "rude" and "condescending"? I always wanted to respond to questions from rude people about when we were going to have kids by either thanking them for their generous offer to pay for LOs college and/or tell them we were waiting until they went on sale on amazon or could make one to order like at build a bear. But I never had the guts :(
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  • I gave an educational answer to a friend recently (I do consider her a friend and really didn't want to be rude.) Here's how it went:

    Me: We are planning a trip for our 3rd anniversary! 

    Friend: 3 years? That's a long time. So when are you guys having a baby?

    Me: Well, there are several reasons people who have been married for 3 years don't have babies: #1 - They don't want any, #2 - They aren't emotionally ready, #3 - They aren't financially ready, #4 - They are working on it and don't want anyone to know, #5 - They have been trying a long time and can't, #6 - They had one or a few miscarriages. Depending on which option it is, you might make someone cry asking questions like that, so I discourage it, and won't answer because it's really a personal thing. In fact, no one will know I'm having a baby unless I'm so big, they can call me out on it.

    Friend:  I never thought of that. I guess it can be a really inappropriate question. So where are you going for your anniversary?

     

    :-) SUCCESS! 

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  • I have found that honesty works best for me at this point. In the beginning, I said "We try every day. About to try again."

    Now I just come out and say, "we can't have kids. it has been harder for us than most people."

    [center]image[/center]

    [center]After 5 years fighting the infertility battle, we are letting go and answering a long desired call to adoption. I am so excited! [/center]
    [center]
    How We Met Our Baby
    [/center]


    [center]"Fear is the opposite of faith" -Granny[/center]
  • image LtlAngL:

    I gave an educational answer to a friend recently (I do consider her a friend and really didn't want to be rude.) Here's how it went:

    Me: We are planning a trip for our 3rd anniversary! 

    Friend: 3 years? That's a long time. So when are you guys having a baby?

    Me: Well, there are several reasons people who have been married for 3 years don't have babies: #1 - They don't want any, #2 - They aren't emotionally ready, #3 - They aren't financially ready, #4 - They are working on it and don't want anyone to know, #5 - They have been trying a long time and can't, #6 - They had one or a few miscarriages. Depending on which option it is, you might make someone cry asking questions like that, so I discourage it, and won't answer because it's really a personal thing. In fact, no one will know I'm having a baby unless I'm so big, they can call me out on it.

    Friend:  I never thought of that. I guess it can be a really inappropriate question. So where are you going for your anniversary?

     

    :-) SUCCESS! 

    This is probably the better response to use. GL!
    imageimage
    image


    Me = 42, DH = 46


    7/10 Married and Began TTC


    4/11 Referred to RE


    5/11 Testing: TSH normal, AMH 0.22, FSH 14.6 = dx DOR; SA count 48 ml, 58% motil, normal morph


    5/11 HSG showed tubes clear, suspected uterine polyp; SHG confirmed; surgery to remove polyp


    6/11 & 7/11 Annovulatory cycle & Elevated estrogen level cycle delays start of injectible IUI


    9/16/11 FSH up to 15.6, Follistim+Ovidrel+IUI=BFP (9/30) CP (10/3)


    10-12/11 IUI's 2&3=BFN's, RE says IVF with OE not an option


    3/2012 Moving on to DE-IVF, 3/21 D-ER-42R, 32M, 29F, 3/26 ET of 2 B+ blasts


    4/5 Beta #1 = 477! 4/9 Beta #2 = 1777!! 4/25 u/s shows one little heartbeat! EDD 12/12/12



    PAIF/SAIF Welcome


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I'd *try* to say something along the lines of "That's a very personal subject for us and we'd appreciate you respecting our privacy." I tend to be not-so-eloquent in real life so I'd probably actually say "We'd rather not discuss babies. Thanks." If they press the subject, I'd probably firmly say "Look - we're trying, and it's taking longer than we'd hoped. Not everyone is as lucky as you." Then stare at her until she realizes what an ass she is. 

    Or you could say you've been swallowing as much sperm as possible but it just doesn't seem to be working. Bonus points for saying it in front of their kid.  

  • image LtlAngL:

    I gave an educational answer to a friend recently (I do consider her a friend and really didn't want to be rude.) Here's how it went:

    Me: We are planning a trip for our 3rd anniversary! 

    Friend: 3 years? That's a long time. So when are you guys having a baby?

    Me: Well, there are several reasons people who have been married for 3 years don't have babies: #1 - They don't want any, #2 - They aren't emotionally ready, #3 - They aren't financially ready, #4 - They are working on it and don't want anyone to know, #5 - They have been trying a long time and can't, #6 - They had one or a few miscarriages. Depending on which option it is, you might make someone cry asking questions like that, so I discourage it, and won't answer because it's really a personal thing. In fact, no one will know I'm having a baby unless I'm so big, they can call me out on it.

    Friend:  I never thought of that. I guess it can be a really inappropriate question. So where are you going for your anniversary?

     

    :-) SUCCESS! 

    Very nice!
    [center]image[/center]

    [center]After 5 years fighting the infertility battle, we are letting go and answering a long desired call to adoption. I am so excited! [/center]
    [center]
    How We Met Our Baby
    [/center]


    [center]"Fear is the opposite of faith" -Granny[/center]
  • image Shazzie116:

    I'd *try* to say something along the lines of "That's a very personal subject for us and we'd appreciate you respecting our privacy." I tend to be not-so-eloquent in real life so I'd probably actually say "We'd rather not discuss babies. Thanks." If they press the subject, I'd probably firmly say "Look - we're trying, and it's taking longer than we'd hoped. Not everyone is as lucky as you." Then stare at her until she realizes what an ass she is. 

    Or you could say you've been swallowing as much sperm as possible but it just doesn't seem to be working. Bonus points for saying it in front of their kid.  

    I'm doing it!

    This one will be much easier to remember than Ltlangel's (awesome) speech. I just have a crappy memory.

    Eating Chocolate Bunny
    TTC since Dec. 2009. TTC buddies with Cinco and Faheat.
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