Married Life

When will you start having kids?

We haven't even been married two weeks and we are already hearing this question way too often! Heck I was asked this at my bridal shower. We aren't really sure and don't have a legitimate excuse. Apparently just wanting to enjoy married life isn't good enough. What responses have you used to get people off your back?
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Re: When will you start having kids?

  • A good response is always "mind your business" LOL. We heard the same thing but we had been together for 6 years before getting married so the family was/is ready for some kids. 
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  • srgwsrgw
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    H and I have heard that off and on for the almost 3 years we've been married. Family and close friends know we're waiting 4-5 years before trying. Other people just know we're enjoying being married for now. I just say (with a smile), I'm not ready to share H yet.
  • image srgw:
    H and I have heard that off and on for the almost 3 years we've been married. Family and close friends know we're waiting 4-5 years before trying. Other people just know we're enjoying being married for now. I just say (with a smile), I'm not ready to share H yet.

     

    Can I replace the smile with an eye roll? :) 

  • We were asked that while we were engaged....especially by MIL. My DH had just gone back to school to finish his degree so we were on one income and paying for his education. What finally stopped MIL from asking was when I told her we would have one right away if she and FIL would pay our daycare bills, our hospital co-pay, buy baby furniture, etc.

    We had our DS when we felt emotionally and financially able to do so.

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  • No one asks us thankfully, that being said we're probably going to start trying later this year. We're both in a good place financial, both ready however I'm already not looking forward to being pregnant.

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  • srgwsrgw
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    image JustinandHaleyKnapp:

    image srgw:
    H and I have heard that off and on for the almost 3 years we've been married. Family and close friends know we're waiting 4-5 years before trying. Other people just know we're enjoying being married for now. I just say (with a smile), I'm not ready to share H yet.

     

    Can I replace the smile with an eye roll? :) 

    Sometimes I roll my eyes as I turn away. It's usually the older ladies who ask though and I don't want to be rude. I have, on occasion stated that if the question asker would pay for our child we'd be delighted to be parents ASAP.

    One of my friends is pregnant right now and told me I should get pregnant too so we could be pregnant together and our kids could be friends. That's all well and good except she and her H makes significantly more than H and I do. We can't afford kids right now. I eye roll at her hardcore.

  • I usually say..."When you can pay off my student loans, then I will have the money to work on it."



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  • I told my husband I'll just start telling everyone we decided we arent going to have kids at all, but just to see what kind of reaction they had! People are so nosy. If they actually had a close enough relationship with you, they wouldnt have to ask you that question.
  • Some classics:

    "When I can kick this nasty crack habbit"

    "not at least another nine month (as I sip a drink)"

    "are you ready to retire and provide daycare?"

    "when the stork finds our house"

    and some form of "I don't know where babies come from, explain it to me"

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  • I am in the same boat as you. I have no idea what to say and still be tactful. I always just say 'someday'. But I must say that doesnt really work very well. My MIL "jokes" about it every time I see her..the last time she mentioned it 3 times in the 3 hours we were around her. She even joked about it to our new neighbor we barely knew when she visited. We have been married a little over 1 year. Its a little much, and just makes me want to hold off even longer with having children with all of it from his side. So far none of the extended family on my side has pressured, which I love.
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  • My Dad REALLY started bringing it up the weekend of our wedding (2 weeks ago). I tell him he already has a grandchild... our dog Boomer.

    Otherwise I just say "when we're ready" and change the subject. It's no one's business but ours.

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  • My husband and I got married almost a year ago (wow, time flies when you're having fun), but people started asking us way before we were married.  We were at my husband's family reunion, sitting by his cousin and her husband. They are our age and they don't have kids yet, and we were sitting there coming up with excuses.  At first they were pretty good, but they got more ridiculous as we kept going:

    • Very quietly say "We're trying, I don't know what's wrong," and look really upset.  People will feel guilty and leave you alone.
    • Same goes for "I'm barren."
    • "He has a very low sperm count."
    • "He only has one ball."
    • "He has three balls, and they all kind of get crossed up down there."
    So forth and so on.  I'm a teacher, so I've used, "I already have 100 kids!" 
  • We got asked if we were pregnant the day we got back from the honeymoon. We just tell them we'd like to experience being a married couple first. Truth is, we aren't ready!
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  • We got married young in a quickie courthouse ceremony so when I didn't look obviously pregnant a few months later, people would ask about kids all the time.

    I always went with, "When you pay for them."  That usually shut people up. 

    We waited 5 years into marriage before we even tried. By the time we had DS we'd been married for 6 years and together for 10.  We were ready, financially and emotionally and we had had a lot of time to enjoy each other.  Made adjusting to parenthood a pretty smooth ride :)

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  • We have gotten asked that a few times.. I just say that we want to enjoy life together for a year, and we will start trying sometime after that :)
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  • DH and I have been getting it a lot from his side of the family and we've only been married three months.  Then again, we were getting it a lot from his side of the family before we were married, too.  DH and I don't even know if we want kids.  We talked about it prior to marriage and thought we'd wait until we're 32 or so to start trying, so another eight years.  Now, we've started thinking we might not want them at all and would rather rescue and adopt animals instead.

    Right now the plan is to revisit the idea in about eight years, so a lot can change before then.  We just seriously have no interest in children.  I have no idea how we'll eventually handle questions if we do decide not to have children.  My mom already knows (mostly because I've said my entire life that I don't know if I want kids) and she is totally cool with just being a "nana" to furbabies.  She spoils our cats rotten as it is!
  • image Kimbus22:

    We waited 5 years into marriage before we even tried. By the time we had DS we'd been married for 6 years and together for 10.  We were ready, financially and emotionally and we had had a lot of time to enjoy each other.  Made adjusting to parenthood a pretty smooth ride :)

     I am glad to hear you think it made it easier to parent after waiting longer to have kids.  Every time I say I want to wait people say, "The longer you wait the more you won't want them."  I actually started to believe that was true and I was never going to have kids because I wanted to wait longer.  Thanks for this!

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  • I love my grandmother dearly, but when she criticizes my answer, I cringe every time. We either a. don't want them, b. want to adopt, or c. will forever be parents to amazing furbabies! Some of my conservative family members do not like the idea of adoption, but most people are completely supportive, including our amazing parents!!

    We are in NO rush and are doing our best to trust what God wants for us, kids or no kids. Always animals, though! :)

    Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
    A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12

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  • We told everyone when we got engaged 5-6 yrs after the wedding. We wanted to wait a while as we wanted to be married for a while before we have to share  each other. (we are going to start trying at 2 yrs, people just don't need to know this.)
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  • I get this from people and when I explain "When FI's student loans are paid off, we'll consider it!"  Too bad he's in medical school and could buy a decent sized house with what he owes...it'll be a LONGGGG time.  And we're ok with that!  No one understands and says other med students have kids...yes, but I am not their mother therefore they are not my problem!
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
  • ALE515ALE515
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    We were asked this literally right after we said "I do!" And then every other time we see his family, they ask us it. We finally said next year, and that's still not good enough haha!!
  • It's not very funny especially to people who do struggle with infertility, but look them dead in the eyes and tell them you can't have children. I promise that will be the last personal question they ask. Especially if you look away after your reply!
  • First I told people that we were still enjoying each other and being married! Then I kinda got mad at all of the qutestion and said "We will have children when its no longer a fashion trend." Got a few laughs and a few eye rolls!
  • We have been married for two weeks. We have a time frame in mind (of when we will start trying) and it is sooner rather than later. I am almost 30 and have PCOS. I know I will have difficulties so I would rather deal with it now. 

    Anyways, I usually tell people honestly, "Yes, we want children. We have a time frame in mind but we are not telling anyone." 

    I do enjoy the previous poster's comment on student loan bills. That is a great way to say that. It will shut people up.

     Truth is any funny comeback will make people think twice about bothering you about it.  

     

     

  • I get asked this more by people I work with than family or people speculating that I am pregnant. I hate when people ask or make comments, it's just too personal. I usually tell them that we like sleeping in until 10 on the weekends or that we are trying to pay off debt. When I use money as an excuse, people always say, "you will never have enough money to have kids." Well, we prefer not to have negative amounts of money! I've also found that telling people that you don't want kids shuts them up too!
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  • And I can tell you all that it doesn't stop there.  We have been married almost six years and have had two children and people still ask us all the time when we are having more.  

    Our first child died at birth due to medical malpractice and as you can imagine, pregnancy and childbirth are very scary prospects to us, even though we have gone through it again once already.  The people who ask us all the time when we are having another all know about our experiences so basically people are just rude and nosy!  The worst is when people ask when we are "having a second child" (we have already had a second child and they darn well know that) or when are going to give our living child a sibling.  He already has a sibling, but he is in Heaven, and as if just giving your child a playmate is a good reason to have another baby!  

     Anyway, basically just saying that even if you all DO have a baby, the rude questions don't stop there!  (including people asking if you've had a c-section or vaginal birth or if you had to have an episiotomy...don't know why everyone thinks these things are their business!) 

  • I was KU before out first anniversary.  Sucks that we'll never be able to enjoy married life.
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  • Just tell them you're working on it. Then wink and say something like, "Know what I mean?"
  • We waited a long time to get married and had already lived together for many many years, and bought a house together. So we started trying a couple months after the wedding. If anyone asked, I just said "working on it".
    Heather + Matt 10.18.08
    James Sawyer 12.3.10
    Leo Richard 9.20.12
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