Sex & Romance

Big penis=vaginal tearing=pain..help :(

I have been marred for almost 2 years, we waited until we were married to have sex, but prior to my relationship with my husband, I had sex with old boyfriends.

I have never. EVER. had a problem with sex.

However, my husband's penis is thick. Any and all penetration gives me vaginal tearing, which makes the rest of the event painful. I'm in pain for up to a full day afterward as well. 

This has resulted in sex once a month or less with my husband (thats so awful...)

I talked to my OB/GYN- she tested me for high yeast because that can cause skin tears. That test was negative. She also gave me Lidocaine cream to apply to myself 30 minutes prior to sex. But thats my issue- applying it 30 minutes before- how am I going to know in 30 minutes I'll be having sex? I've only used it twice in the past 7 months (and it did help, but it's just inconvenient).

 I know there's a lube problem too- not enough natural lube. I cannot use other lube (vagisil, etc) though because after I tear, it burns me when it gets in the cuts. My OB/GYN also said not to use it if it burns.

So I feel like I am SOL. I feel awful for my husband and its affecting me psychologically now- every time sex fails I get further into a hole where I don't want to have sex anymore. This morning we tried to have sex and after it hurt I clenched up so much he couldn't penetrate- and I didn't even feel myself doing that!!

 Can anyone help me? I don't think I can stop the tears, because his penis is just... too big. But, does anyone know of a lube that won't burn me after I'm torn?

Can I force myself to have sex daily in hopes I'll stretch out? This is really affecting my marriage!!

 

Also- I've seen alot of other people with this problem sort of- except they seem to have pain inside. My pain is on the outside, on my skin.

Re: Big penis=vaginal tearing=pain..help :(

  • I think your OB/GYN would know best.  I would think after having sex together for over 2 years that your tissue and body would eventually get used to the size and stretch accordingly. 

     Vagisil isn't a lubricant but you should look into good water-based lubes that will not cause stinging and pain.  Anything you can buy in a drug store - I would skip and spend a little money on something good.  Just Like Me is a waterbased lube that is especially formulated for women who are sensitive to lubricant.  That's just one opinion (and our company happens to sell it as well - although this is not a post to promote my business). 

    Secondly, have you looked into vaginal dialators?  You can look these up online and they will help make your vaginal wall more flexible.  Just some thoughts.  

  • ~NB~~NB~
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    image Nikkkibean:

    I talked to my OB/GYN- she gave me Lidocaine cream to apply to myself 30 minutes prior to sex. But thats my issue- applying it 30 minutes before- how am I going to know in 30 minutes I'll be having sex? Why WOULDN'T you know? Unless it's rape, it's your decision to have sex.

     I know there's a lube problem too- not enough natural lube. I cannot use other lube (vagisil, etc) though because after I tear, it burns me when it gets in the cuts. My OB/GYN also said not to use it if it burns. It's starting to sound as if you aren't taking any time to become aroused and lubricate (going back to the 'how am I going to know if I'll be having sex in 30 minutes' comment).

    Can I force myself to have sex daily in hopes I'll stretch out? This won't work.

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  • What about dilators? Would those work?

    There are also oil based lubes. You might have a bit more luck with those.

  • Try some KY Jelly or him "working you up" before he goes in. I just got married last month and we were both virgins. Therefore we didn't really know what to expect. KY Jelly helps a lot. I've tore a little before and it never burned me. 

     

    I hope this helps you! 

  • Ditto on the fact that Vagisil is NOT a lubricant.  It is a cream to stop vaginal itching.  It would have no viscosity for lovemaking.

    Perhaps you should try a lubricant that is more natural -- what about one of these?

    http://www.goodvibes.com/display_category.jhtml?id=catalog70002_cat33845&show=ALLPRODUCTS

    First off, where are the tears occurring?  At your opening or deeper inside? 

    Are you getting enough foreplay?  How long do you guys spend getting you really aroused and ready for penetration?  Is he performing cunnilingus on you? Are you having an orgasm first, before he penetrates you? How long are you spending in penetrative intercourse?  When he initially enters you, are you wet?  Is he taking the time to draw your natural lubrication out of your vagina and onto your labia?  Is he manually stimulating you and perhaps penetrating you with his fingers to open you up a bit before he goes inside of you?  Is his initial penetration of you slow and careful, or is he just plunging in?  When you feel dry, are you stopping him to apply more lubricant?

    Are you using condoms?  Are you on hormonal birth control?  Both of those can be very drying.

    I think that some of your lack of lubrication might be due to anticipation of the discomfort.  I would try taking vaginal penetration off the table for a couple of weeks.  There are other ways to get each other off without vaginal sex.  Try oral and manual sex.  Try putting him between your thighs (easiest from behnid) as if you were going to have vaginal sex, but just have him move there, outside your opening, drawing your lubrication out.

    And finally, try dilators or dildos that will get your vaginal opening more relaxed.

  • Oh, and get a new ob/gyn.  Yours should be asking the questions I asked above and helping you get to a solution.  Try to find one that is more proactive.  You deserve to have a pleasurable sex life.
  • Are you on BC? I know when I am on birth control it hurts really bad even when we are doing foreplay. I am really dry and I can not use lube because it makes me burn even more. When I finally went off of BC it took a couple weeks and I could enjoy sex with my H. 
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  • I'm sure this won't solve your problem entirely but thebest lube ever is "pink"-google it!  It's amazing and much better for your body than KY
  • image DaringMiss:

    Ditto on the fact that Vagisil is NOT a lubricant.  It is a cream to stop vaginal itching.  It would have no viscosity for lovemaking.

    Perhaps you should try a lubricant that is more natural -- what about one of these?

    http://www.goodvibes.com/display_category.jhtml?id=catalog70002_cat33845&show=ALLPRODUCTS

    First off, where are the tears occurring?  At your opening or deeper inside? 

    Are you getting enough foreplay?  How long do you guys spend getting you really aroused and ready for penetration?  Is he performing cunnilingus on you? Are you having an orgasm first, before he penetrates you? How long are you spending in penetrative intercourse?  When he initially enters you, are you wet?  Is he taking the time to draw your natural lubrication out of your vagina and onto your labia?  Is he manually stimulating you and perhaps penetrating you with his fingers to open you up a bit before he goes inside of you?  Is his initial penetration of you slow and careful, or is he just plunging in?  When you feel dry, are you stopping him to apply more lubricant?

    Are you using condoms?  Are you on hormonal birth control?  Both of those can be very drying.

    I think that some of your lack of lubrication might be due to anticipation of the discomfort.  I would try taking vaginal penetration off the table for a couple of weeks.  There are other ways to get each other off without vaginal sex.  Try oral and manual sex.  Try putting him between your thighs (easiest from behnid) as if you were going to have vaginal sex, but just have him move there, outside your opening, drawing your lubrication out.

    And finally, try dilators or dildos that will get your vaginal opening more relaxed.

     

    What she said!!  

     

    While I don't have your problem, I do have to agree with the Lube, "Just Like Me."

     

    Also, it seems that you are so tense about the act that you are preventing your self from relaxing which is key, and getting wet via your natural body lubricant.    I would suggest increasing your foreplay and have him use other things before he uses his penis.  like his fingers, mouth or a vibrator!

     

     



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  • NB - she's saying that she doesn't plan 30 minutes in advance. Sometimes you get swept up in the moment, get turned on, and want it NOW, not in 30 minutes.  Try not to be so rude about it.

     

    OP - dialators like another poster suggested and lube meant for sex.  Some of the sex lines that do at home parties have the most natural, water based, lubes.  DON'T give up.  Try different kinds until you find something.  And if lube doesn't work I think the dialators would be perfect for your situation.  You may just have a small vagina that needs to slowly learn to accomodate a larger penis.


  • I have the exact same problem. 
     
    Like yourself, I have a high yeast content and am incredibly prone to yeast infections. To prevent this I drink water with a splash of Apple Cider Vinegar. Be sure to find 100% organic, from "The Mother". The color will be brownish and almost murky. Beware of ACV that is crystal clear because it has been highly processed. Another great remedy is pure cranberry juice. I completely avoid cranberry juice from Oceanspray or any other typical brands. Instead I look for 100% organic pure cranberry that is packaged in glass jars. In addition Garlic and 100% organic yogurt with no sugar added regularly to your diet will help tremendously! 
     
    Hippocrates: 'Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food" 
     
    Since you do have a higher yeast concentration, lubrication will be a nightmare... until your find the right one. Many ladies on here recommend water basted lubes only... And I agree! Unfortunately for me, I personally still have a hard time with these water based lubes. The only thing that has worked for me has been 100% organic extra virgin coconut oil, raw and cold pressed. Yes, coconut oil. :D Aunt Patty's is a fantastic brand! You may have trouble finding this in your typical grocery superstore, so you may have to go online. It's roughly 20 bucks, but will last you months and even up to a year. 
     
    I wish you the best of luck and I empathize with your current predicament. Just keep trying, you will find something that works!  
     
     
     

  • Am I the only one appalled that the gyno prescribed Lidocaine for sex? OP, Lidocaine is NOT a lubricant of any kind, all it's going to do is make you numb so you don't feel the tearing you're trying to prevent. You need to feel if there is any pain so you know when to stop. On the flipside of that, if you are numb, how are you going to get any pleasure?

    What you should do: 1) Throw away the Lidocaine. 2) Get one of the lubes recommended here. Remember not to use an oil-base lube if you are using condoms. For something a little more durable and longer-lasting, I recommend ID Millennium. It's silicone based, so it lasts a little longer than water-based lubes. 3) Get a new gyno.

    ETA: Maybe a silicone based lube isn't a good idea if you are prone to yeast infections. I truly don't know. Ladies? 

    ETAA: Try having an orgasm before you try penetration. That will ensure that you are as lubricated as you can get yourself, and it can also loosen your vaginal walls, making penetration a bit easier. 

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  • I had a similar issue and my ob/gyn suggested using olive oil. Made a huge difference for me.....
  • image DDancingDiva:

    I think your OB/GYN would know best.  I would think after having sex together for over 2 years that your tissue and body would eventually get used to the size and stretch accordingly. 

     Vagisil isn't a lubricant but you should look into good water-based lubes that will not cause stinging and pain.  Anything you can buy in a drug store - I would skip and spend a little money on something good.  Just Like Me is a waterbased lube that is especially formulated for women who are sensitive to lubricant.  That's just one opinion (and our company happens to sell it as well - although this is not a post to promote my business). 

    Secondly, have you looked into vaginal dialators?  You can look these up online and they will help make your vaginal wall more flexible.  Just some thoughts.  

     

    Ditto ALL of this.

     

    I had similar issues a few years back, and the right lube (not Vagisil) does wonders. 

  • image Mrs.Rad888:

    ETAA: Try having an orgasm before you try penetration. That will ensure that you are as lubricated as you can get yourself, and it can also loosen your vaginal walls, making penetration a bit easier. 

     

    Excellent point - this helps a LOT. And... pretty awesome for you. 

  • my last boyfriend had a huge penis and it took a couple months of regular sex to become comfortable. i think that regular sex will help strech you out, ky jelly is a great lube and remember your vagina is made to streach around a baby and no matter how big his penis is it is probably not as big as a babys head
  • First of all, do you drink enough water?  That has a huge effect on how wet you get during sex.  Also does he spend enough time with you to help you get into the mood.  You should be happy there are a lot of women that complain about the opposite problem.  LOL.  
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  • You two should try just partial penetration. I have been in this situation in the past. If you build up gradually over time your  vagina will be able to adapt. You could try just inserting past the head for a while. We did this for literally for months, but it was actually not painful and the guy was circumsized so I was actually able to get alot of stimulation from just the head....enough to even orgasm, and it was enough for him to finish as well.

    It might sound unusual, but I actually felt really connected or intouch during sex, like we were both really paying attention to eachother.

  • the more often you have sex the less painful it will be. dont go a month without having sex cuz then you are starting over. maybe try a water based lube? try having sex EOD or every 3 days... gl
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  • ^^^ Thats very true, definately dont wait days in between. I wanted to add in that you can squeeze your legs together to limit how far he penetrates.
  • I was going to say the same

     

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