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Prayers needed...

My good friend that recently found out that she was expecting twins, went for a 4D ultrasound today and they could not find the heartbeats. They sent her immediately to the hospital. I haven't heard from her since she got there but she said said that she didn't expect any good news. Please say an extra prayer or two for her tonight. She is about 20wks along.
Dating 7/25/03 Engaged 7/25/07 Married 11/10/09 L 3/11/11
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Re: Prayers needed...

  • That's too bad. I hope they're able to give her good news.
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  • That is awful...I hope they get good news!
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  • Oh my gosh, I couldnt even imagine :(  Will keep them in my T & Ps

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  • That's just awful...keep us updated!! 
  • That is so sad. I hope they give her good news. I will be thinking of her-keep us updated.
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  • Sending lots of T&P!

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  • *UPDATE*

    I have not spoken to her since she called me yesterday, but a neighbor called her home and spoke with her MIL. Her MIL told her that she was delivering the babies today and would be home this evening and that her H was taking a few days off of work to be with her. There was no mention of the babies at all. I believe that she did in fact loose them. I am so upset over it. I don't know what to do to help her or make her feel better. What do I say? I wish I could take all of the pain that she is going through away. She is such a good mother (she has an 18mo old) and after the initial shock, she was beyond excited about twins. What can I do? 

    Dating 7/25/03 Engaged 7/25/07 Married 11/10/09 L 3/11/11
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  • That's too bad. The only advice I would give is to listen. Sometimes she'll want to talk about it & sometimes she won't. At least for me, there's nothing in particular anyone said or did that made it better. Small gestures were appreciated. A friend brought me soup. My parents sent flowers. Maybe you two could share a bottle of wine & watch a funny movie?
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  • That's so sad.  T&P to her and the family.  I agree with PP, one of the best things you can do is just listen when she's ready to talk.
    Carter Douglas 09.25.12


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  • That is so awful, Chlesea. :( Hy heart is breaking for her and her H. I don't have any advice, but the advice from the others who have had m/c's sounds good to me. So sad. :(
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  • image jen812:
    That's too bad. The only advice I would give is to listen. Sometimes she'll want to talk about it & sometimes she won't. At least for me, there's nothing in particular anyone said or did that made it better. Small gestures were appreciated. A friend brought me soup. My parents sent flowers. Maybe you two could share a bottle of wine & watch a funny movie?

    I am going to get a bunch of her girlfriends together to cook meals for a week or so. I think it will really help, especially with her toddler.

    Do you think that it she would enjoy everyone going over at once for support, to have a glass of wine and maybe watch a movie, like you suggested? There is about 10 of us, or do you think it would be too much?

    Dating 7/25/03 Engaged 7/25/07 Married 11/10/09 L 3/11/11
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  • I'm so sorry for your friend. How sad. 
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  • image MrsChelseaP09:

    image jen812:
    That's too bad. The only advice I would give is to listen. Sometimes she'll want to talk about it & sometimes she won't. At least for me, there's nothing in particular anyone said or did that made it better. Small gestures were appreciated. A friend brought me soup. My parents sent flowers. Maybe you two could share a bottle of wine & watch a funny movie?

    I am going to get a bunch of her girlfriends together to cook meals for a week or so. I think it will really help, especially with her toddler.

    Do you think that it she would enjoy everyone going over at once for support, to have a glass of wine and maybe watch a movie, like you suggested? There is about 10 of us, or do you think it would be too much?

    Personally, I'd say 10 is too much, but it depends on your friend. I, personally, don't have 10 really close friends., so I can't really say. I think only 2 or 3 friends knew about my m/cs, but it wasn't this late either.
    Mist of the time, I just wanted to be by myself & have my own little pity party.
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  • image MrsChelseaP09:

    *UPDATE*

    I have not spoken to her since she called me yesterday, but a neighbor called her home and spoke with her MIL. Her MIL told her that she was delivering the babies today and would be home this evening and that her H was taking a few days off of work to be with her. There was no mention of the babies at all. I believe that she did in fact loose them. I am so upset over it. I don't know what to do to help her or make her feel better. What do I say? I wish I could take all of the pain that she is going through away. She is such a good mother (she has an 18mo old) and after the initial shock, she was beyond excited about twins. What can I do? 

    Though my circumstances were different, the only advice I can give is don't avoid her.  With the exception of a few people, everyone avoided me like the plague because they didn't know what to say.  Even now, two months later people still avoid me.  Or they completely ignore the miscarriage which isn't much better.  I mean, I don't really want to talk about everything all the time but a sincere "I'm sorry" goes a long way.  You don't have to get too in depth with your condolences, but be sincere.  It means a lot.  

    And don't dismiss her miscarriage by reminding her that she already has a child.  I got this a few times and it bothered me.  While yes, I became even more thankful for Macy after my miscarriage, sometimes I felt that people didn't think my pain was valid since I already had a child.   

    While I don't really know how you could bring this up, the thing that helped me with everything is just to stay focused on all the positives in my life.  I have a good family, a great marriage (even if we do fight from time to time), and beautiful, healthy child.  All are things that people would kill to have.  Not to mention I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and a safe place to sleep.  While those are expected luxuries in America, there are many people around the world that don't even have those conditions.  

    Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself I remind myself of all my blessings.  I just have to look around, they're everywhere.  I guess you could say that my miscarriage opened my eyes to all the blessings I was blind to.  It has made my marriage better.  It has given me a true understanding of the extent of my love for Macy.  It has given me perspective on life.  Am I better off because of it?  Yes.  Without a doubt.  Do I wish I was still pregnant and ignorant to how blessed I really am?  Of course, but I am ok with it all now.  I still struggle with losing THAT child from time to time, but I know the purpose of that baby's life was to open my eyes and bring our family closer.  

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    Baby Macy is here!

    12/09 - Macy (daughter) | 4/10 - Began TTC Baby #2 | 12/10 - Chemical Pregnancy | 1/12 - Miscarriage at 14 weeks | DX - PCOS & Hyperthyroidism
  • image MrsChelseaP09:

    image jen812:
    That's too bad. The only advice I would give is to listen. Sometimes she'll want to talk about it & sometimes she won't. At least for me, there's nothing in particular anyone said or did that made it better. Small gestures were appreciated. A friend brought me soup. My parents sent flowers. Maybe you two could share a bottle of wine & watch a funny movie?

    I am going to get a bunch of her girlfriends together to cook meals for a week or so. I think it will really help, especially with her toddler.

    Do you think that it she would enjoy everyone going over at once for support, to have a glass of wine and maybe watch a movie, like you suggested? There is about 10 of us, or do you think it would be too much?

    I think that would be a good place to start.  I had a few people bring over meals and it was nice not to have to stress about dinner.  

    However, everyone grieves differently so I would take her lead on how often she wants you to come over for support.  But do check in on her often.  I had one friend who would text/call every other day or so, and it was nice to know that she cared.  

    The first two weeks were the hardest to get through.  I didn't go any where because I fits of uncontrollable crying.  Never in my life had I cried like that, and I remember thinking I was going to cry everyday for the rest of my life, but slowly it got better.  

    Oh and I was going to add that my mom bought me some stack birthstone rings, and they mean the world to me.  I have a December ring for Macy and a January ring for my son.  I wear them every day.  It's a personal thing for me, and I feel that's it's something physical that I can carry with me to remind me of him.  I think it was buy two get one free, so maybe you and your friends could buy one for the 18 month old and two for the twins?  Here is what I have........

    http://www.helzberg.com/product/stack+amethyst+ring+1788864.do?sortby=ourPicks 

    That is the Feb birthstone ring but they also have every other month available to purchase.   

    image
    Baby Macy is here!

    12/09 - Macy (daughter) | 4/10 - Began TTC Baby #2 | 12/10 - Chemical Pregnancy | 1/12 - Miscarriage at 14 weeks | DX - PCOS & Hyperthyroidism
  • image Mrs.Jason.9.15.07:
    image MrsChelseaP09:

    image jen812:
    That's too bad. The only advice I would give is to listen. Sometimes she'll want to talk about it & sometimes she won't. At least for me, there's nothing in particular anyone said or did that made it better. Small gestures were appreciated. A friend brought me soup. My parents sent flowers. Maybe you two could share a bottle of wine & watch a funny movie?

    I am going to get a bunch of her girlfriends together to cook meals for a week or so. I think it will really help, especially with her toddler.

    Do you think that it she would enjoy everyone going over at once for support, to have a glass of wine and maybe watch a movie, like you suggested? There is about 10 of us, or do you think it would be too much?

    I think that would be a good place to start.  I had a few people bring over meals and it was nice not to have to stress about dinner.  

    However, everyone grieves differently so I would take her lead on how often she wants you to come over for support.  But do check in on her often.  I had one friend who would text/call every other day or so, and it was nice to know that she cared.  

    The first two weeks were the hardest to get through.  I didn't go any where because I fits of uncontrollable crying.  Never in my life had I cried like that, and I remember thinking I was going to cry everyday for the rest of my life, but slowly it got better.  

    Oh and I was going to add that my mom bought me some stack birthstone rings, and they mean the world to me.  I have a December ring for Macy and a January ring for my son.  I wear them every day.  It's a personal thing for me, and I feel that's it's something physical that I can carry with me to remind me of him.  I think it was buy two get one free, so maybe you and your friends could buy one for the 18 month old and two for the twins?  Here is what I have........

    http://www.helzberg.com/product/stack+amethyst+ring+1788864.do?sortby=ourPicks 

    That is the Feb birthstone ring but they also have every other month available to purchase.   

    Thank you so much for responding, you really do not know what to do unless you have been in the situation. Honestly, she told me that she would call me back and since she hadn't, I thought giving her space was the best thing for her. That is a wonderful gift idea. I wanted to get her flowers but I drove around to several florist shops today and their flowers were crap (mums, daisies carnations). They also told me that if I order flowers online from FTD or 1-800 flowers, they substitute the flowers and if I ordered orange lillies, I may get orange carnations. I did not know that. Thankfully, I didn't waste $60 ordering online. Did your mother get you a birthstone for the actual birth month or your due date month? Should I buy them in a basic size and let her exchange, or should I find out what size she is? 

    There are a ton of vehicles at her house, so I went ahead and sent her a PM on FB saying that I am there for her if & when she needs me. Not in those exact words, but that was the basic message. 

    Dating 7/25/03 Engaged 7/25/07 Married 11/10/09 L 3/11/11
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  • I am not sure that the rings would work. Her son was born in June, which is alexandrite or pearl. They sub the alexandrite for amethyst, which is Feb's birthstone and when the twins were actually born. So all 3 rings would be the same shade of purple. What do you think, Kathy?
    Dating 7/25/03 Engaged 7/25/07 Married 11/10/09 L 3/11/11
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  • image MrsChelseaP09:
    I am not sure that the rings would work. Her son was born in June, which is alexandrite or pearl. They sub the alexandrite for amethyst, which is Feb's birthstone and when the twins were actually born. So all 3 rings would be the same shade of purple. What do you think, Kathy?

    Hmmm, that would be weird.  That sucks that those rings aren't really month specific  I did a quick search on Etsy and I found these listings......

    http://www.etsy.com/search/handmade?search_submit=&q=birthstone+miscarriage&order=most_relevant&ship_to=US&view_type=gallery&page=1

    But to me, these all seem like more of a conversational piece, which is probably not what she wants.  What about a Pandora bracelet with birthstone gems?  Although, I have no idea how much those things cost.  But I have seen knock off brands around, so maybe one of those?   

    image
    Baby Macy is here!

    12/09 - Macy (daughter) | 4/10 - Began TTC Baby #2 | 12/10 - Chemical Pregnancy | 1/12 - Miscarriage at 14 weeks | DX - PCOS & Hyperthyroidism
  • I found these......

    http://www.thingsremembered.com/product/Wedding/The-Parents/Sterling-Silver-3-Birthstone-Ring/pc/2114/c/2941/158144.uts?shipLocation=TR

    It looks like there is a difference between June and Feb on this Things Remembered listing.  The price is good but it wouldn't be here until next week if you purchased in now since it's an online listing only.  

     

    I also found these......

    http://www.zales.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2214625&camp=CSE_GoogleBase&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=2214625

    And again, there is a difference between June and Feb, but they are more expensive than Helzberg and it's not buy two get one free.  But you like to negotiate so maybe you could get them to do some kind of price matching :)

     

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    Baby Macy is here!

    12/09 - Macy (daughter) | 4/10 - Began TTC Baby #2 | 12/10 - Chemical Pregnancy | 1/12 - Miscarriage at 14 weeks | DX - PCOS & Hyperthyroidism
  •  I just got off the phone with her. The babies were healthy but they were moving around too much and wrapped umbilical cords, which cut off the blood flow. There was no way that it could have been detected or prevented. She is upset, but handling it very well. She had an early miscarriage before and she said that they kept it a secret and didn't want to talk about it and it made things worse. She also said that she has her moments where she breaks down into tears but having her son come up to her and give her a big hug makes everything better. Lila and I are going to go spend the day with her tomorrow, now that everyone will be going home.  

    She was telling me about the memory box that the hospital put together for her and I think a memorial piece of jewelry will be perfect. Charms are a cute idea. Her H just bought her a charm bracelet for her birthday, but what about these?

     All Jewelry from KAY Jewelers, the Jewelry Store for Engagement and Wedding Rings, Diamonds and More

     

     All Jewelry from KAY Jewelers, the Jewelry Store for Engagement and Wedding Rings, Diamonds and More

     

     All Jewelry from KAY Jewelers, the Jewelry Store for Engagement and Wedding Rings, Diamonds and More

     


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  • image MrsChelseaP09:

     I just got off the phone with her. The babies were healthy but they were moving around too much and wrapped umbilical cords, which cut off the blood flow. There was no way that it could have been detected or prevented. She is upset, but handling it very well. She had an early miscarriage before and she said that they kept it a secret and didn't want to talk about it and it made things worse. She also said that she has her moments where she breaks down into tears but having her son come up to her and give her a big hug makes everything better. Lila and I are going to go spend the day with her tomorrow, now that everyone will be going home.  

    She was telling me about the memory box that the hospital put together for her and I think a memorial piece of jewelry will be perfect. Charms are a cute idea. Her H just bought her a charm bracelet for her birthday, but what about these?

     All Jewelry from KAY Jewelers, the Jewelry Store for Engagement and Wedding Rings, Diamonds and More

     

     All Jewelry from KAY Jewelers, the Jewelry Store for Engagement and Wedding Rings, Diamonds and More

     

     All Jewelry from KAY Jewelers, the Jewelry Store for Engagement and Wedding Rings, Diamonds and More

     


    Yeah, the hospital gave me a memory box as well.  It was put together by volunteers and included any hospital bracelets, the blanket the baby was received on, pictures (I was reluctant to have pictures, and though I haven't looked at them since that day I am so glad I do have them), the Christening gown from the blessing, and a few other keepsakes.  I was thankful to have those things to take with me.  I have it stored at my parents house in their safe.  I was afraid to bring it back to Texas with me for fear I would become fixated on the items, if that even makes sense.  

    I think it's a really nice gesture that you are going to give her a remembrance charm/ring.  You are a really good friend for doing so.  Like I said earlier, I have a lot of sentimental value to the rings my mom gave me.  They mean just as much to me as my wedding rings do, even if they don't compare in monetary value.  I kinda like that they are only significant to me and no one really knows the meaning behind them.  It's like a little private thing between the baby and I, as crazy as that sounds, LOL.  

    If it were me (and everyone is different, so take my opinion with a grain of salt) but I would prefer a ring rather than the angel charm.  To me, the ring would feel like it was more just for her and not a display.  But again, just my opinion.  And specifically I like the last ring, the 3 stone one.  I like how the twins would be together.  

    image
    Baby Macy is here!

    12/09 - Macy (daughter) | 4/10 - Began TTC Baby #2 | 12/10 - Chemical Pregnancy | 1/12 - Miscarriage at 14 weeks | DX - PCOS & Hyperthyroidism
  • image Mrs.Jason.9.15.07:
    image MrsChelseaP09:

     I just got off the phone with her. The babies were healthy but they were moving around too much and wrapped umbilical cords, which cut off the blood flow. There was no way that it could have been detected or prevented. She is upset, but handling it very well. She had an early miscarriage before and she said that they kept it a secret and didn't want to talk about it and it made things worse. She also said that she has her moments where she breaks down into tears but having her son come up to her and give her a big hug makes everything better. Lila and I are going to go spend the day with her tomorrow, now that everyone will be going home.  

    She was telling me about the memory box that the hospital put together for her and I think a memorial piece of jewelry will be perfect. Charms are a cute idea. Her H just bought her a charm bracelet for her birthday, but what about these?

     All Jewelry from KAY Jewelers, the Jewelry Store for Engagement and Wedding Rings, Diamonds and More

     

     All Jewelry from KAY Jewelers, the Jewelry Store for Engagement and Wedding Rings, Diamonds and More

     

     All Jewelry from KAY Jewelers, the Jewelry Store for Engagement and Wedding Rings, Diamonds and More

     


    Yeah, the hospital gave me a memory box as well.  It was put together by volunteers and included any hospital bracelets, the blanket the baby was received on, pictures (I was reluctant to have pictures, and though I haven't looked at them since that day I am so glad I do have them), the Christening gown from the blessing, and a few other keepsakes.  I was thankful to have those things to take with me.  I have it stored at my parents house in their safe.  I was afraid to bring it back to Texas with me for fear I would become fixated on the items, if that even makes sense.  

    I think it's a really nice gesture that you are going to give her a remembrance charm/ring.  You are a really good friend for doing so.  Like I said earlier, I have a lot of sentimental value to the rings my mom gave me.  They mean just as much to me as my wedding rings do, even if they don't compare in monetary value.  I kinda like that they are only significant to me and no one really knows the meaning behind them.  It's like a little private thing between the baby and I, as crazy as that sounds, LOL.  

    If it were me (and everyone is different, so take my opinion with a grain of salt) but I would prefer a ring rather than the angel charm.  To me, the ring would feel like it was more just for her and not a display.  But again, just my opinion.  And specifically I like the last ring, the 3 stone one.  I like how the twins would be together.  

    That makes complete sense. I would probably be the same way. She mentioned that they took photos as well but I think of their feet. Today she had to go to the funeral home and pick out a box for the ashes, I can't believe how well she is coping with it and really wanting to talk about every detail.

     I think the ring is better as well. When I saw the Open Heart ring, with those 2 little stones off to themselves, it felt perfect. I just need to get to Kays to order it. :) Thank you so much for your help, I can not tell you how grateful I am!

    Dating 7/25/03 Engaged 7/25/07 Married 11/10/09 L 3/11/11
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