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Husband Wearing Lingerie, Normal?

MH and I have been together for 3 years, and married for almost a year. (We got married just after we found out I was KU.) Anyway, I thought that I knew him pretty well, but I have suspicions that he is wearing my lingerie. I haven't actually caught him in the act yet, though.

Here is why I think that he might be wearing my lingerie when he is masturbating: I found a suspicious crusty white spot on the crotch of one of my skongs. I thought that maybe I had forgotten to wash it after one of our romps, so I made sure to spot treat it and throw it in the wash. About a week later, I found the same skong with a crusty white spot on it and I hadn't worn it since I washed it. 

Do you think that I should wait until I catch him in the act to discuss it with him? Or should I confront him about it and see what he says? Is this normal behavior for married men? 

ETA: Maybe everyone doesn't know what a skong is. It's a combo of a skirt and a thong. I just wanted you to be able to visualize a man in it, so that you could tell me if it was strange behavior or not.

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Re: Husband Wearing Lingerie, Normal?

  • Is it all stretched out?  Does your skong now have a weiner bump?
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  • My husband doesn't do this, but that does not mean there's anything wrong with your husband. He may just like the smell of your lingerie. He also may enjoy visualizing you wearing it. There are many plausible explanations to the limited facts you have provided.  

    If a friend was in this situation, I would first ask whether they were comfortable with that behavior. "Normal" is completely irrelevant if your relationship is going well. If you don't mind him wearing your lingerie, you could just tell him that you noticed he had been enjoying it, and let him know it doesn't have to be a secret. 

    If his behavior makes you uncomfortable, ask him about it nicely. He needs to feel safe and comfortable communicating with you. You also have to be willing to communicate maturely and explain any possible concerns/questions you have. 

     

     

  • image JJwritergirl:

    My husband doesn't do this, but that does not mean there's anything wrong with your husband. He may just like the smell of your lingerie. He also may enjoy visualizing you wearing it. There are many plausible explanations to the limited facts you have provided.  

    If a friend was in this situation, I would first ask whether they were comfortable with that behavior. "Normal" is completely irrelevant if your relationship is going well. If you don't mind him wearing your lingerie, you could just tell him that you noticed he had been enjoying it, and let him know it doesn't have to be a secret. 

    If his behavior makes you uncomfortable, ask him about it nicely. He needs to feel safe and comfortable communicating with you. You also have to be willing to communicate maturely and explain any possible concerns/questions you have. 

     

     

    This, exactly. The main question shouldn't be if it's "normal", but rather whether both partners in the relationship are comfortable. If you bring this up to your H, please be understanding and don't come off as accusatory- we all have different things that turn us on, and you don't want to make him feel bad about this or he may not want to be honest.

  • image crystalbaby:

    MH and I have been together for 3 years, and married for almost a year. (We got married just after we found out I was KU.) Anyway, I thought that I knew him pretty well, but I have suspicions that he is wearing my lingerie. I haven't actually caught him in the act yet, though.

    Here is why I think that he might be wearing my lingerie when he is masturbating: I found a suspicious crusty white spot on the crotch of one of my skongs. I thought that maybe I had forgotten to wash it after one of our romps, so I made sure to spot treat it and throw it in the wash. About a week later, I found the same skong with a crusty white spot on it and I hadn't worn it since I washed it. 

    Do you think that I should wait until I catch him in the act to discuss it with him? Or should I confront him about it and see what he says? Is this normal behavior for married men? 

    ETA: Maybe everyone doesn't know what a skong is. It's a combo of a skirt and a thong. I just wanted you to be able to visualize a man in it, so that you could tell me if it was strange behavior or not.

     

    i think that this is normal.  At first I was weirded out that my SO wanted to wear my lingerie, but then I got really into it,  

    I only ask that he launders my delicates in Woolite after he fills them up with jizz. 

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  • As PPs stated, all that matters is that you are ok with it.

    I would sit him down and ask him about your lingerie.  Tell him what you observed and ask if he has been touching, wearing, sniffing or jerking off in your lingerie.  Tell him that you love him no matter what the answer is, but that you want to know what is going on and most importantly, what his fantasies are.  Tell him you are GGG (good, giving and game) but that you can't share this with him if you don't know about it.

    He may just be stroking himself with your lingerie.  He may be wearing it to get turned on.  He may want to crossdress for sexual gratification.  You can go a bunch of different ways with any of those sexual habits.  Does he want you to participate?  Is this just something he does during masturbation and doesn't want to incorporate it into your mutual sex life?  Does he want to be dressed in women's lingerie during sex?  Does he want to pretend to be your female friend or does he want you to force him to do it?

    Whatever he says, remember that this is just the opening conversation in a lifelong sex life.  Remember that even if he tells you that he wants to do some really 'out there' sexual stuff, you don't have to do it, you don't have to do it all and you don't have to do it all immediately.  You can just try some new stuff out or play a bit with the fantasy or just talk dirty about it the next time you have sex.  Then see where it leads you.

    I had a boyfriend in college who wore women's underwear.  He liked the silkiness and the snugness of them.  Completely heterosexual, but he liked the feeling.  Didn't interfere with our sex life at all. 

  • I don't think the fact that there is a spot on it means he wears it. He may just be smelling it. It is a well known fetish (more in countries like japan) and it common but it is up to you to say if it is normal.

    What makes you think he is wearing your lingerie?


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  • I don't think he's wearing it, but using it...
  • He's got a fetish for women's undies. There is nothing at all wrong with that.

    He may like the feel of them or the smell of them or the look of the underwear. 

    If you're broadminded enough and you can hack it, you can indulge his fantasy.  He may or may not be into crossdressing.

  • image TarponMonoxide:

    He's got a fetish for women's undies. There is nothing at all wrong with that.

    He may like the feel of them or the smell of them or the look of the underwear. 

    If you're broadminded enough and you can hack it, you can indulge his fantasy.  He may or may not be into crossdressing.

    What would indulging his fantasy entail? Should I ask him to put my underwear on the next time we're being intimate? 

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  • image crystalbaby:
    image TarponMonoxide:

    He's got a fetish for women's undies. There is nothing at all wrong with that.

    He may like the feel of them or the smell of them or the look of the underwear. 

    If you're broadminded enough and you can hack it, you can indulge his fantasy.  He may or may not be into crossdressing.

    What would indulging his fantasy entail? Should I ask him to put my underwear on the next time we're being intimate? 

    These are questions best answered by him.  Ask.  Tell him you noticed that your "skongs" looked used, and raise it in a non-threatening way.  See what happens.

    So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

  • image crystalbaby:

    What would indulging his fantasy entail? Should I ask him to put my underwear on the next time we're being intimate? 

    We are not psychic.  We don't know the deep dark turns of your husband's brain.  You will have to ask him.

    When he has told you want his thing is, come back and we can give you some ideas. 

  • It sounds like he's jerking off with it, not wearing it. I'd approach it by mentioning that some of your things have been getting dirty before you have a chance to wear them, so if he "gets any of your clothes dirty," it would be nice of him to throw the clothes in the hamper. This way you can open a conversation about it without accusing him of anything or being judgmental, and you won't have to keep cleaning up his messes.

    FWIW that particular thing is not statistically normal, but husbands being into something out of the ordinary? Or wives, for that matter? Not strange. Not wanting to talk about it? Sadly, also not that strange.

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  • image DaringMiss:
    image crystalbaby:

    What would indulging his fantasy entail? Should I ask him to put my underwear on the next time we're being intimate? 

    We are not psychic.  We don't know the deep dark turns of your husband's brain.  You will have to ask him.

    When he has told you want his thing is, come back and we can give you some ideas. 

    Well, last night was an interesting evening. After a few too many beers, I got up the courage to ask him why my skong had a mysterious white crust on it. He copped to stroking himself with it. I'm confused. I would think that would cause chafing. 

    I guess all of the PP who suggested that he was just using my lingerie were right. When I asked him if he wanted to wear it, he looked at me like I was crazy. I guess I should get rid of all of my granny panties, so that he has more variety to choose from when masturbating. I guess masturbating with some Hanes wouldn't really be that appealing to anyone. I guess I'll have to check to see if those have any signs of use on them. That would be truly disturbing if he had a fetish for granny panties.

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  • image JJwritergirl:

    My husband doesn't do this, but that does not mean there's anything wrong with your husband. He may just like the smell of your lingerie. He also may enjoy visualizing you wearing it. There are many plausible explanations to the limited facts you have provided.  

    If a friend was in this situation, I would first ask whether they were comfortable with that behavior. "Normal" is completely irrelevant if your relationship is going well. If you don't mind him wearing your lingerie, you could just tell him that you noticed he had been enjoying it, and let him know it doesn't have to be a secret. 

    If his behavior makes you uncomfortable, ask him about it nicely. He needs to feel safe and comfortable communicating with you. You also have to be willing to communicate maturely and explain any possible concerns/questions you have. 

     

     

    I completely agree!
  • WTF is a skong?

     

    A skirt with a thong attached?!?

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  • image Liz4444:
    Is it all stretched out?  Does your skong now have a weiner bump?

    lol @ weiner bump!

    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
  • Definitely have him buy you some more great lingerie and maybe choose some additional pieces that he can use exclusively for his play time, unless of course he prefers to know you have worn them first.

     

    I am glad you are GGG.

     

  • Love your man for what he is and does .there is no such thing as a fetish.you either wear women's clothing  or you don't i dont find it a fetish,I find wearing sexy lingerie and wearing women's clothing is just apart of life.i shower at note then slip into a nice long nitie
  • edited March 2016
    shaggyboo said:
    Love your man for what he is and does .there is no such thing as a fetish.you either wear women's clothing  or you don't i dont find it a fetish,I find wearing sexy lingerie and wearing women's clothing is just apart of life.i shower at note then slip into a nice long nitie
    Not a fetish for you....for HIM it is!!!!

    What the heck is showering "at note"?

    No such thing as a fetish?

    Says who?

    (I noticed also Shaggyboo hasn't got a fetish for using the correct grammar and syntax but what can I tell ya.)

    There is an off chance that he is masturbating in them but if you are finding that stain in the same spot he's wearing that garment.

    This is an old thread; wonder if the OP got any resolution?
  • edited March 2016
    At least they are YOUR undies, and not someone else's that you are finding.


    M&Ms628
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