Starting Over

Not sure how to handle seeing an ex friend?

Some of you may recall that I met my new guy when a friend of mine went with me to a singles party.  She chatted him up for most of the night.  But all three of us spent the time together and I talked with him some too.  She never held hands, kissed, or anything like that. 

The next day he called her and left a vm making sure we got home ok.  She never responded or returned his call.  She told me that she was not interested and had no intention of communicating with him.

Well two weeks later I get an email from him asking me to lunch.  I again asked my friend if she was planning to contact him or if she had interest.  She said no.  So I told him I would go to lunch and I told her I was meeting him for lunch.

Immediately after that she and her sister went on a tirad calling me pathedic and desparate on facebook and then deleted me as a friend.

I have just received an invite to an all girls housewarming party for one of our mutual friends.  This friend and I have a lot in common as we are both single mothers of similar age boys and I would like to cultivate this friendship.  However, if my ex friend is going to be at the party I don't know how to handle it?

"How often does the other woman get a happy ending?" Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl

Re: Not sure how to handle seeing an ex friend?

  • Go to the party and be an adult about it. If she causes a scene over something like this, she will look like the idiot, not you.

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  • Puhlease just tell me you are making all of this up.  You've got such a long list of issues that I don't even know where to start.  Also, it doesn't even matter what kind of advice you receive because you refuse to listen anyways.  Keep on carrying on the way you are.  I'm sure you're destined for greatness.
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  • Handle things with class and let your friend go.  If she chose to end the friendship with you, that is her decision to make.  You can't force friends to feel the way you want them to.

    Maybe she saw something with that guy that was no good and thus rejected him and was avoiding a train wreck to happen.

  • image HeavenlyExcitedBride:

    Handle things with class and let your friend go.  If she chose to end the friendship with you, that is her decision to make.  You can't force friends to feel the way you want them to.

    Maybe she saw something with that guy that was no good and thus rejected him and was avoiding a train wreck to happen.

    Yes, I have accepted that our friendship is over.  My question is I am planning to attend this intimate party and if she does too what is the best way for me to act towards her? 

    "How often does the other woman get a happy ending?" Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl
  • It's definitely best to have an all-out cat fight, complete with bish-slapping, hair pulling and screaming. 
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  • image dmndsr4eva:
    image HeavenlyExcitedBride:

    Handle things with class and let your friend go.  If she chose to end the friendship with you, that is her decision to make.  You can't force friends to feel the way you want them to.

    Maybe she saw something with that guy that was no good and thus rejected him and was avoiding a train wreck to happen.

    Yes, I have accepted that our friendship is over.  My question is I am planning to attend this intimate party and if she does too what is the best way for me to act towards her? 

    Be polite and pleasant.  As someone else said, if she causes a scene, she'll look like the trainwreck/drama queen, not you.  If it were me, I wouldn't go out of my way to talk to her, but I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid her at the party, either.

  • image dmndsr4eva:
    image HeavenlyExcitedBride:

    Handle things with class and let your friend go.  If she chose to end the friendship with you, that is her decision to make.  You can't force friends to feel the way you want them to.

    Maybe she saw something with that guy that was no good and thus rejected him and was avoiding a train wreck to happen.

    Yes, I have accepted that our friendship is over.  My question is I am planning to attend this intimate party and if she does too what is the best way for me to act towards her? 

    Just be yourself and be honest and be the best person you can be.  That is all you can do.  Worry about how you feel, what you say to others.  Don't worry about what other people think because that is beyond your control.

  • image turtle1120:
    It's definitely best to have an all-out cat fight, complete with bish-slapping, hair pulling and screaming. 

    This is probably the one time she'll actually listen to advice given on this board!

    *The only way to dream is big*
  • image baw1981:

    image turtle1120:
    It's definitely best to have an all-out cat fight, complete with bish-slapping, hair pulling and screaming. 

    This is probably the one time she'll actually listen to advice given on this board!

    Make sure to get drunk though. This way you can have a huge sob fest when it's over

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  • image baw1981:

    image turtle1120:
    It's definitely best to have an all-out cat fight, complete with bish-slapping, hair pulling and screaming. 

    This is probably the one time she'll actually listen to advice given on this board!

    Do I need to issue some kind of disclaimer?  *Please note - I was kidding!*

    I need to seriously keep a spreadsheet to keep track of people.  I've offered sincere advice to a lot of people on here before remembering their trainwreck drama and self-destructive ways.  Not this time!  Would be funny if she took my advice though.  LOL.

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  • I feel like Achase and I get frustrated at the exact same moment.

     

    Honestly, you have to know the answer to this.  You act polite and friendly, but keep your distance.  Be cordial, and don't engage too much, lest you get swept up in even more drama. Don't feed into any one else's gossip or indulge questions about why you two aren't friends any longer.  Be the bigger person.

    So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

  • image HeavenlyExcitedBride:
    image dmndsr4eva:
    image HeavenlyExcitedBride:

    Handle things with class and let your friend go.  If she chose to end the friendship with you, that is her decision to make.  You can't force friends to feel the way you want them to.

    Maybe she saw something with that guy that was no good and thus rejected him and was avoiding a train wreck to happen.

    Yes, I have accepted that our friendship is over.  My question is I am planning to attend this intimate party and if she does too what is the best way for me to act towards her? 

    Just be yourself and be honest and be the best person you can be.  That is all you can do.  Worry about how you feel, what you say to others.  Don't worry about what other people think because that is beyond your control.

    Thank you.  I appreciate your response.  After reading through the responses I guess my real question was should I go or not.  And I have decided I will go and should she be there I will act polite (and try not to gush about said boyfriend).

    "How often does the other woman get a happy ending?" Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl
  • I feel like there is a huge part of this story that is missing.  Are you telling the whole truth of how this scenario went down?  I am not judging, just asking because I can't seem to fathom why your friend would say yeah its okay to go out with him and then freak out like that after you did.  It seems like there was either a HUGE lack of communication on one of your parts OR we're not getting the whole (truthful) story.  It just doesn't make sense.
  • image Audg:
    I feel like there is a huge part of this story that is missing.  Are you telling the whole truth of how this scenario went down?  I am not judging, just asking because I can't seem to fathom why your friend would say yeah its okay to go out with him and then freak out like that after you did.  It seems like there was either a HUGE lack of communication on one of your parts OR we're not getting the whole (truthful) story.  It just doesn't make sense.

    Its dmnds.  Would you really expect her friends to be rational, mature people?

  • image Audg:
    I feel like there is a huge part of this story that is missing.  Are you telling the whole truth of how this scenario went down?  I am not judging, just asking because I can't seem to fathom why your friend would say yeah its okay to go out with him and then freak out like that after you did.  It seems like there was either a HUGE lack of communication on one of your parts OR we're not getting the whole (truthful) story.  It just doesn't make sense.

    We had a whole post about this a few months ago.  It made absolutely no sense her reaction.  The only thing my BF and I can come up with is that she was playing hard to get and she wanted him to continue pursuing her despite the fact that she had made it clear to him and myself that she was interested.  Yes, it was twisted.  I can understand maybe she felt I ruined her chances of deciding if she liked him or not but she should have communicated that.  Like I said the only feedback I heard from her was she was NOT interested in any way.  So her reaction was completely nuts as far as I as concerned.

    "How often does the other woman get a happy ending?" Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl
  • image Audg:
    I feel like there is a huge part of this story that is missing.  Are you telling the whole truth of how this scenario went down?  I am not judging, just asking because I can't seem to fathom why your friend would say yeah its okay to go out with him and then freak out like that after you did.  It seems like there was either a HUGE lack of communication on one of your parts OR we're not getting the whole (truthful) story.  It just doesn't make sense.

    We had a whole post about this a few months ago.  It made absolutely no sense her reaction.  The only thing my BF and I can come up with is that she was playing hard to get and she wanted him to continue pursuing her despite the fact that she had made it clear to him and myself that she was not interested.  Yes, it was twisted.  I can understand maybe she felt I ruined her chances of deciding if she liked him or not but she should have communicated that.  Like I said the only feedback I heard from her was she was NOT interested in any way.  So her reaction was completely nuts as far as I as concerned.

    "How often does the other woman get a happy ending?" Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl
  • No.  I don't think you should go.  Chances are you and your Drama Llama will ruin this housewarming party for this mutual friend who has no idea how truly tragic you are.
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  • Wait. This BF you can't help but "gush" over is the same one who almost cheated on his wife due to intimacy problems? I can TOTALLY understand why you wouldn't be able to hold in the gushing. You better not go because I'm sure you're friend would be so overtaken by the peach you've managed to land and she passed up that couldn't contain herself.
  • You need to take this to the Jerry Springer show. I hear he is great in helping relationship problems.
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