Sex & Romance

gay curious...

Ok, first time here,

Been married for about 5 months, been with husband for 5 years. Great relationship, love him to peices, great life. Sex life on the other hand is...meh. I have never experienced the big "O". Not only with him, but with previous partners as well. Or by myself. Not sure if its just the way I am or what, or Im too wound up, overthinking, whatever...its just not happening.  our circle of friends are pretty much gay couples...females and males. The girls sex life is amazing...they keep telling me, I need a girl to do the trick. I've never been interested in girls, I'm a married women, but I find myself becoming more "flirty" per say with some females. Im having fun with it, but don't know if I feel comfortable taking it to the next level. I spoke about it with my husband, he says he is okay if I want to be curious and have an experience....but I don't know if I am totally comfortable with the whole idea....and I wouldn't want to lead anyone on, as I am married, in love, planning a future etc. I think I just need some opinions, thoughts, anyone else been in this predicament?

Re: gay curious...

  • so what happens if some girl can help you O? what then? your DH still can't, you still can't, and you have no interest in having a relationship with some other woman. it just doesn't sound like an appropriate solution to your problem.
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  • You can't give yourself an orgasm?  how about with a vibrator? 
  • Um.  If you don't know how to bring yourself off, expecting someone else to be able to do it for you is not very realistic.  

    Is this about you not being able to orgasm, or are you just interested in seeing what it would be like to be with a woman?  Because there are plenty of girls who might be interested in a one-night stand.  But honestly, talking about it with your husband and it actually happening are two TOTALLY different things.  There's a bucketload of stuff that goes along with bringing another person into a relationship (even if just for a one-night stand).

    I guess what I'm saying is that if you decide to go for it, be prepared for the possibility that it could ruin your marriage.  I know that sounds alarmist, but truly, the repercussions of something like this are really difficult to foresee unless one or both of you has been in this situation beofre and knows how you will handle it. 

  • Have never had an orgasm?

    Why didn't you investigate this on your own quite awhile ago?

    Haven't had one? Masturbate. It's the quickest way to finding out what turns you on -- and then show him.

    You're making an excuse for your nonorgasmic state. And really, are you that taken in by what they say??? You think anybody's going to admit to friends "Mary and I are meh in the bedroom department; our sex life is pretty lousy as of lately"? Think about it.

    Masturbate -- check out the book Sex for One by Betty Dodson -- and then show him what turns you on. You aren't gay curious; you are orgasm curious.

     And I side eye your H BIG TIME if he's okay with the idea of you and somebody else having sex. Uh, if you said it was going to be with a male, I wonder if he'd be okay with that, also.

    I also wonder where the communication is in your marriage and I wonder what kind of communication you and he have in the bedroom -- and I sure hope you haven't been faking it alll this time.

  • I think you make a interesting point. I've been thinking alot last night, and I couldn't take it to the next level. My husband and I relationship is strong and I wouldn't want anything to get in the middle of that or ruin it. Thanks for the response. I beleive him and I have some things in the bedroom to work on, and should leave it between us. We've just kinda gotten "lazy" about the whole thing. ANd I also beleive I have some personal things I need to work out "alone"
  • I suppose I left my post quite open ended.

    Of course I have tried to investigate this "O" issue on my own. I have toys, etc. Husband and I have tried. I cannot climax. I think I overthink whats going to happen and then I can't get to the O.  I am interested in this book. I will look it up. Thanks for the recommendation.

    He would not be okay if it was male. He has made that clear, and after thinking about this scenario I can't see it ending nicely between my husband and I even though he said he wouldn't mind. I don't think the goal at hand would be reached either due to a guilty conscience.

    Our communication on this issue is very open. He knows that I cannot climax, and never have. I have absolutely NOT been faking it. Sex is not completely UN-Pleasurable for me as I do enjoy pleasuring my husband. But I think it is time to really start focusing on our sex life and spicing it up, and leave the females out of it.

    Being in a gay friendly circle, and also have friends who have open-relationships just sorta encouraged my wandering eye and curiousity.... I think my husband and I just need some quality alone time, and I need to relax....and maybe one day it will happen. 

    Thanks for your responses, helped my clear my mind.  

  • image wifeyj101:

    I suppose I left my post quite open ended.

    Of course I have tried to investigate this "O" issue on my own. I have toys, etc. Husband and I have tried. I cannot climax. I think I overthink whats going to happen and then I can't get to the O.  I am interested in this book. I will look it up. Thanks for the recommendation.

    He would not be okay if it was male. He has made that clear, and after thinking about this scenario I can't see it ending nicely between my husband and I even though he said he wouldn't mind. I don't think the goal at hand would be reached either due to a guilty conscience.

    Our communication on this issue is very open. He knows that I cannot climax, and never have. I have absolutely NOT been faking it. Sex is not completely UN-Pleasurable for me as I do enjoy pleasuring my husband. But I think it is time to really start focusing on our sex life and spicing it up, and leave the females out of it.

    Being in a gay friendly circle, and also have friends who have open-relationships just sorta encouraged my wandering eye and curiousity.... I think my husband and I just need some quality alone time, and I need to relax....and maybe one day it will happen. 

    Thanks for your responses, helped my clear my mind.  

    You might also want to get a complete physical checkup while you're at it -- and I'd also make an appointment to see a sex therapist. Your problem might be a psychological one.

    Were you brought up in a home where a more or less Victorian view toward sex was held? Was your mother kind of a prude and wouldn';t discuss anything sexual or sexually related with you? Maybe she told you sex was only a "wifely duty"? I'm not kidding -- people like these still exist, even in 2011.

    Maybe you don't know how to "let go" and enjoy what you're feeling. See a sex therapist; the both of you can see one together.

  • I had the same problem for awhile until I read some advice here on this board. Someone said that while masturbating when it feels good, keep going...when it feels great, keep going..just keep going and it will happen. Use a vibrator. Good luck!
  • If you can't get yourself to O it is more than unlikely someone else will. Stop worrying about a woman, and start masterbating more, take a zanex, glass of wine and a vibrator and learn your own body. You cannot help direct a husband/partner to get you to O if you don't know how to yourself.

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  • image TarponMonoxide:

    Have never had an orgasm?

    Why didn't you investigate this on your own quite awhile ago?

    Haven't had one? Masturbate. It's the quickest way to finding out what turns you on -- and then show him.

    You're making an excuse for your nonorgasmic state. And really, are you that taken in by what they say??? You think anybody's going to admit to friends "Mary and I are meh in the bedroom department; our sex life is pretty lousy as of lately"? Think about it.

    Masturbate -- check out the book Sex for One by Betty Dodson -- and then show him what turns you on. You aren't gay curious; you are orgasm curious.

     And I side eye your H BIG TIME if he's okay with the idea of you and somebody else having sex. Uh, if you said it was going to be with a male, I wonder if he'd be okay with that, also.

    I also wonder where the communication is in your marriage and I wonder what kind of communication you and he have in the bedroom -- and I sure hope you haven't been faking it alll this time.

     

    This.  I also am side eyeing your friends that say that you need a woman to make you orgasm, especially if they are his friends too.  So they are encouraging you to cheat on your husband (even if he is okaying it)?  They don't sound like such great friends to me.

  • making a little suggestion here, though I'm guessing you've tried this. You said you've tried and used a vibe. Using a vibe inside might not do a thing - try laying the vibe on yourself, if you get my drift. And one with power. Like a Hitachi Magic Wand.
  • Give masturbation a try again. Try different touches -- as the pp pointed out, when it feels great, keeep going.:)

     

     

  • handheld Shower head  on massage/jet stream setting - warm water.. aim straight at the clit! 

  • image vccake:
    making a little suggestion here, though I'm guessing you've tried this. You said you've tried and used a vibe. Using a vibe inside might not do a thing - try laying the vibe on yourself, if you get my drift. And one with power. Like a Hitachi Magic Wand.

    I agree with this. I can't have an O with it inside, but if I lay it on my C I am way good to go.

    image
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