Family Matters

Babysitting Niece/Nephew

Hi all!  Quick question, what is normal procedure for babysitting a nice or nephew?  Dh and I are super busy, when we have downtime we like to spend it just the two of us... going to dinner, watching a movie, or something like that.  However, most of the time we're super busy (both in school and dh works full time as well).  I used to be a preschool teacher before I started grad school, and there are a few families whom I will still babysit for on occasion to make extra money. 

Well, SIL has an 18 month old baby girl, and recently she's been pressuring dh and I to babysit her (I assume for free since MIL watches her everyday for free).  Before SIL went in to this whole "I want y'all to babysit" thing dh went over to MIL's (SIL lives there) and mentioned that I was babysitting (when they asked where I was).  That was 6 months ago, but now SIL uses that against me.  When she sees me she'll say, "how can you watch other peoples kids but not have enough time for your own niece?"  She'll pick up niece and say to dh, "look at that face, how can you deny that?"  Dh and I usually just ignore her, it's no use to say something most of the time we just pretend she has said nothing at all which, of course, infuriates her.  

Today she just posted on dh's and my facebook walls, "niece's name wants you to babysit her!  When should I drop her off?"  I deleted it from mine, dh hasn't seen his yet.  

Sorry for that long story!  My point is, are we being hardasses?  DH wants to babysit eventually, but not when we're so busy, and now he's really put off by it because she's pushing the issue.  Do most people babysit their niece and/or nephew a lot?  Are we being grinches?

TIA!

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Re: Babysitting Niece/Nephew

  • I don't think there is any "normal procedure" per se. I will say that DH and I live too far from all our nieces and nephews to be considered valid babysitters, but what I would do is contact SIL directly and explain to her that right now, babysitting for her isn't really an option for you in terms of scheduling. Clarify the payment issue (and ask yourself, if it were for pay, would you do it regardless?) and explain that you don't like the idea of working for family.

    I do think that the SIL is being very pushy (for lack of a better word) in her requests. Unfortunately, things like this can easily get out of control and foster resentment and anger if not handled well and carefully, so I'd encourage you to talk to her, get things clear and set your boundaries as soon as you can.

  • Your SIL is being wierd about it.  I also highly highly doubt she would pay you to do babysit.  It sounds like  she just wants to go out and have fun more and if you guys and MIL would babysit, wow just think of  how much fun she can have.

    If it was my I would just ignore her or I would say " We will let you know when we want to babysit." 

  • I have two nieces and one nephew and DH and I babysit them each and every time that it's offered up (they all live at least five hours away, so infrequently to say the least)! However, we accept because we want to, not because we feel we have to.

    I would address this with your SIL, or have your H do it, just to put an end to it. Something like, "SIL we appreciate that you trust us to watch your baby, but this is a really busy time for us between work and school. When we babysit for other children it is a job, a way for us to bring in some extra income. We would never feel right taking money for you, and with our free time being so limited we just don't feel we have time to babysit right now." 

    Also, I can see where your SIL is coming from - she probably feels like you and your H are not making her baby as big of a deal as she would like (and yes, yes the baby is the biggest deal int he world to her, but not to everybody else, I know that). Try to set aside some time in the next few weeks to initiate some time to spend with your niece, even if it is just a few hours. Call your SIL and say, "We're free two Sundays from now for a few hours in the afternoon. Why don't you drop niece off with us and have a lunch and movie date with your H." She can take you up on it or not, that's up to her. 

    Bottom line, as an aunt/uncle you're not obligated to babysit, but when you  have children some day (if you are going to) you will most likely want your BIL and SIL to be interested and involved in your baby, like they want you to be involved and excited about their baby. 

  • image JoEsther:

    I don't think there is any "normal procedure" per se. I will say that DH and I live too far from all our nieces and nephews to be considered valid babysitters, but what I would do is contact SIL directly and explain to her that right now, babysitting for her isn't really an option for you in terms of scheduling. Clarify the payment issue (and ask yourself, if it were for pay, would you do it regardless?) and explain that you don't like the idea of working for family.

    I do think that the SIL is being very pushy (for lack of a better word) in her requests. Unfortunately, things like this can easily get out of control and foster resentment and anger if not handled well and carefully, so I'd encourage you to talk to her, get things clear and set your boundaries as soon as you can.

    Dh has talked to her (like the 4th time she asked) and said we're too busy at the moment, and that's where her hostility came from.  I will encourage him to talk to her again.

    She comes off like we should be asking her to babysit niece and I'm just not that excited about the prospect, but I'm afraid that makes me a bad aunt.

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  • image MKESweetie:

    I have two nieces and one nephew and DH and I babysit them each and every time that it's offered up (they all live at least five hours away, so infrequently to say the least)! However, we accept because we want to, not because we feel we have to.

    I would address this with your SIL, or have your H do it, just to put an end to it. Something like, "SIL we appreciate that you trust us to watch your baby, but this is a really busy time for us between work and school. When we babysit for other children it is a job, a way for us to bring in some extra income. We would never feel right taking money for you, and with our free time being so limited we just don't feel we have time to babysit right now." 

    Also, I can see where your SIL is coming from - she probably feels like you and your H are not making her baby as big of a deal as she would like (and yes, yes the baby is the biggest deal int he world to her, but not to everybody else, I know that). Try to set aside some time in the next few weeks to initiate some time to spend with your niece, even if it is just a few hours. Call your SIL and say, "We're free two Sundays from now for a few hours in the afternoon. Why don't you drop niece off with us and have a lunch and movie date with your H." She can take you up on it or not, that's up to her. 

    Bottom line, as an aunt/uncle you're not obligated to babysit, but when you  have children some day (if you are going to) you will most likely want your BIL and SIL to be interested and involved in your baby, like they want you to be involved and excited about their baby. 

    I think you, and the other posters, have really hit the crux of the issue.  I didn't want to have to go into this but I suppose I need to.  Dh sees his niece every week.  He goes over to MIL's apartment every weekend (either Saturday or Sunday) and sees niece as well as his little brother and sister (ages 10 and 8).  We usually take niece in her stroller for a walk and play with her, etc...  He thinks that's enough time, and doesn't want to be alone and responsible for an 18 month old.  He says the only baby/toddler he ever wants to be alone and responsible for is his own.  He feels by seeing her every week, in her own setting, that he is being involved with her.

    Furthermore, SIL and niece live with MIL (rent free), MIL babysits for niece for free everyday, and niece's other Grandma (SIL's on and off boyfriends mom, who lives across the street) babysits for free a lot as well.  I say this is none of our business, and while dh agrees (he told that to mil when she tried to complain about it to him) it makes him not want to do any favors for her, as he feels she already has enough done for her.  Sometimes I agree with him, sometimes I think he's being a little harsh.  However, he was not close to her before the baby was born, so I suppose it's tough to say he should be close to her afterwards.

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  • What goes aruond comes around.
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  • Your husband's already talked to her? Then I would stop being so polite. When she starts up whining about you babysitting, tell her, "Sure, I'll babysit her while you write my *insert topic* research paper." "Or study for my *insert topic* exam on *insert date*" Say it with a smile and a touch of humor and then let it go.

    She's being beyond rude. You don't nag at other people to babysit your kids. And I don't think she's doing it with the premise that she wants you and your husband as an involved aunt or uncle, she wants free babysitting so she can get a break. And if she would have an honest conversation about it, I could respect her perspective, but this passive-aggressive attempt at making you feel guilty is beyond rude.

  • image magsugar13:
    What goes aruond comes around.

    Well I don't think dh would be too concerned about that, I don't think he would trust SIL with any of our future children (unless something changes).

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  • image april77056:

    I think you, and the other posters, have really hit the crux of the issue.  I didn't want to have to go into this but I suppose I need to.  Dh sees his niece every week.  He goes over to MIL's apartment every weekend (either Saturday or Sunday) and sees niece as well as his little brother and sister (ages 10 and 8).  We usually take niece in her stroller for a walk and play with her, etc...  He thinks that's enough time, and doesn't want to be alone and responsible for an 18 month old.  He says the only baby/toddler he ever wants to be alone and responsible for is his own.  He feels by seeing her every week, in her own setting, that he is being involved with her.

    Furthermore, SIL and niece live with MIL (rent free), MIL babysits for niece for free everyday, and niece's other Grandma (SIL's on and off boyfriends mom, who lives across the street) babysits for free a lot as well.  I say this is none of our business, and while dh agrees (he told that to mil when she tried to complain about it to him) it makes him not want to do any favors for her, as he feels she already has enough done for her.  Sometimes I agree with him, sometimes I think he's being a little harsh.  However, he was not close to her before the baby was born, so I suppose it's tough to say he should be close to her afterwards.

    Well, it's totally fine if your H doesn't feel comfortable being responsible for an 18 month old. We just had our 18 month old niece and my H would not have been comfortable being alone with her for extended periods of time; he's not a dad, has never really been around kids, and really isn't all that sure what's ok and not ok in terms of toys, food, drinks, etc. So I totally get that. 

    The second paragraph of your post, though, makes you all sound a little judgmental about your SIL's current situation. It sounds like he does care that she's living with your MIL, and that she's getting free housing, and free baby sitting, and all of that and that all of that is what is keeping him (and you) from having a super close relationship with her. 

    Again, it's up to you what type of relationship you have with your niece. Like my PP said, and like Mags said, what goes around comes around. When you have children you shouldn't expect your SIL to want to be all that involved; you might think that's fine now, but I would bet that when you actually have a child you'll feel a little differently about it. 

  • image LynDel:

    Your husband's already talked to her? Then I would stop being so polite. When she starts up whining about you babysitting, tell her, "Sure, I'll babysit her while you write my *insert topic* research paper." "Or study for my *insert topic* exam on *insert date*" Say it with a smile and a touch of humor and then let it go.

    She's being beyond rude. You don't nag at other people to babysit your kids. And I don't think she's doing it with the premise that she wants you and your husband as an involved aunt or uncle, she wants free babysitting so she can get a break. And if she would have an honest conversation about it, I could respect her perspective, but this passive-aggressive attempt at making you feel guilty is beyond rude.

    Dh has babysat his younger brother and sister numerous times over the past few years, He says he will do the same for niece (this is all usually during the summer when he has more free time) when she gets older, as he doesn't feel comfortable with someone so young at the moment.  

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  • image MKESweetie:
    image april77056:

    I think you, and the other posters, have really hit the crux of the issue.  I didn't want to have to go into this but I suppose I need to.  Dh sees his niece every week.  He goes over to MIL's apartment every weekend (either Saturday or Sunday) and sees niece as well as his little brother and sister (ages 10 and 8).  We usually take niece in her stroller for a walk and play with her, etc...  He thinks that's enough time, and doesn't want to be alone and responsible for an 18 month old.  He says the only baby/toddler he ever wants to be alone and responsible for is his own.  He feels by seeing her every week, in her own setting, that he is being involved with her.

    Furthermore, SIL and niece live with MIL (rent free), MIL babysits for niece for free everyday, and niece's other Grandma (SIL's on and off boyfriends mom, who lives across the street) babysits for free a lot as well.  I say this is none of our business, and while dh agrees (he told that to mil when she tried to complain about it to him) it makes him not want to do any favors for her, as he feels she already has enough done for her.  Sometimes I agree with him, sometimes I think he's being a little harsh.  However, he was not close to her before the baby was born, so I suppose it's tough to say he should be close to her afterwards.

    Well, it's totally fine if your H doesn't feel comfortable being responsible for an 18 month old. We just had our 18 month old niece and my H would not have been comfortable being alone with her for extended periods of time; he's not a dad, has never really been around kids, and really isn't all that sure what's ok and not ok in terms of toys, food, drinks, etc. So I totally get that. 

    The second paragraph of your post, though, makes you all sound a little judgmental about your SIL's current situation. It sounds like he does care that she's living with your MIL, and that she's getting free housing, and free baby sitting, and all of that and that all of that is what is keeping him (and you) from having a super close relationship with her. 

    Again, it's up to you what type of relationship you have with your niece. Like my PP said, and like Mags said, what goes around comes around. When you have children you shouldn't expect your SIL to want to be all that involved; you might think that's fine now, but I would bet that when you actually have a child you'll feel a little differently about it. 

    He didn't have a close relationship with her prior to her having niece, and while it's a little better now it's not that much better.  I don't think he should really take into account, and it clearly does bother him, but it's not the number one reason he doesn't want to babysit.  

    He's not that close with his family, whether or not we have a child isn't going to change that (we haven't even decided!)

    He has a poor family relationship, and I think it comes from both sides (himself and the rest of the family).

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  • image april77056:

    Furthermore, SIL and niece live with MIL (rent free), MIL babysits for niece for free everyday, and niece's other Grandma (SIL's on and off boyfriends mom, who lives across the street) babysits for free a lot as well.  I say this is none of our business, and while dh agrees (he told that to mil when she tried to complain about it to him) it makes him not want to do any favors for her, as he feels she already has enough done for her.  Sometimes I agree with him, sometimes I think he's being a little harsh.  However, he was not close to her before the baby was born, so I suppose it's tough to say he should be close to her afterwards.

    This makes me think that there are some entitlement issues going on, from the POV of the SIL. She gets a lot of "real life" stuff for free, so she expects more - it's what she knows, after all. My thinking on the babysitting issue specifically is that once you start babysitting, it'll never end.
  • image JoEsther:
    image april77056:

    Furthermore, SIL and niece live with MIL (rent free), MIL babysits for niece for free everyday, and niece's other Grandma (SIL's on and off boyfriends mom, who lives across the street) babysits for free a lot as well.  I say this is none of our business, and while dh agrees (he told that to mil when she tried to complain about it to him) it makes him not want to do any favors for her, as he feels she already has enough done for her.  Sometimes I agree with him, sometimes I think he's being a little harsh.  However, he was not close to her before the baby was born, so I suppose it's tough to say he should be close to her afterwards.

    This makes me think that there are some entitlement issues going on, from the POV of the SIL. She gets a lot of "real life" stuff for free, so she expects more - it's what she knows, after all. My thinking on the babysitting issue specifically is that once you start babysitting, it'll never end.

    Dh may be afraid of that.  He has said to me privately that he wants to treat her the way he treats his little brother and sister (every once in awhile he will babysit if he's free, mostly during the summer when he doesn't have Saturday classes.  He only started watching them when the youngest turned 4. ).  At the end of the school year he and I will take them out to lunch (to celebrate going to the next grade), to the mall (sister gets build-a-bear and brother gets a video game), and to a park.  Dh wants to bring niece along when she's old enough, but SIL has said she wants niece coming along this year (she will have just turned 2, still in diapers, needs a stroller, car seat, etc...  dh is not okay with that).  

    Dh sees niece every week, and he said he'd be willing to babysit every once in awhile if he felt it was to really help SIL out (because she needs a break, etc...).  But, because she has so many babysitters around already babysitting so often he doesn't feel it's needed and since he isn't really comfortable with it doesn't want to do it.  

    SIL didn't help her case last week either when she said dh and I need to start practicing, which is why we need to babysit niece.

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  • image april77056:

    Dh may be afraid of that.  He has said to me privately that he wants to treat her the way he treats his little brother and sister (every once in awhile he will babysit if he's free, mostly during the summer when he doesn't have Saturday classes.  He only started watching them when the youngest turned 4. ).  At the end of the school year he and I will take them out to lunch (to celebrate going to the next grade), to the mall (sister gets build-a-bear and brother gets a video game), and to a park.  Dh wants to bring niece along when she's old enough, but SIL has said she wants niece coming along this year (she will have just turned 2, still in diapers, needs a stroller, car seat, etc...  dh is not okay with that).  

    Dh sees niece every week, and he said he'd be willing to babysit every once in awhile if he felt it was to really help SIL out (because she needs a break, etc...).  But, because she has so many babysitters around already babysitting so often he doesn't feel it's needed and since he isn't really comfortable with it doesn't want to do it.  

    SIL didn't help her case last week either when she said dh and I need to start practicing, which is why we need to babysit niece.

    I'm really thinking that this is a matter of personal boundaries, and for me, what would really bother me wouldn't be so much about the child (I'm sure she's wonderful and adorable, like most 2 year olds are) but it's about the parent. The SIL in this case. If she keeps on acting as though she "deserves" certain treatment/help, etc, she's going to continue to be as offputting as she is right now, and that'll ultimately have an effect on her child. And that's sad.

    But the point is this - you set your own boundaries and you follow through on them. If it's not something you feel comfortable doing, keep on standing firm on that and don't change your mind. If she keeps on pushing, slowly show her what will happen if she keeps on behaving that way. If it were me, I'd defriend her on FB the next time she sent a message like the one you quoted, I'd hang up on her next time she started mentioning your babysitting for her, I'd leave the room next time she brought it up, etc. You have to teach her by your actions what your limits are. Clearly words aren't enough, since your H has already tried talking to her and nothing's changed. I think it's time to start showing.

  • I don't think you're being hardasses or bad relatives at all.  We have our nephew over some times (and over nights are actually easier for us) but we know it's greatly appreciated and BIL only asks for things that are really important for them or if they're stuck.  Plus we love having him over once in awhile.

    If they expected it all the time I would probably feel differently.

     

    You could probably stop it by telling her your other friends and relatives pay $x an hour to have you watch their child and you would be happy to have the same arrangement with her.  She doesn't want to pay a sitter and her free sitter probably doesn't want to sit if she's out partying.

  • Even when DH's sister and BIL lived here, they didn't babysit for our kids, and we never babysat for theirs.  (Both sets of their grandparents lived in town and Sis and BIL don't go out very much sans children = not much opportunity.)

    She expects you to do it regularly; she expects you to do it for free; and she is being really aggressive about it.  You said it yourself -- your husband isn't close to her, wasn't close to her before the baby came along, and likely won't be close to her in the future since he isn't generally close to his family.

    From what you've posted, it really sounds like giving in to her pushiness would be a mistake.  You don't want to do it and you really don't owe her a reason.  If she continues to push when you guys say no, your DH should just tell her "DW has an established relationship with these families and babysits for them at X rate with X days of notice and the understanding that her schedule may not permit her to accept.  It's a means of additional income for us.  If you're willing to pay her what she normally charges, we'd be willing to consider it, but if you aren't, then you need to stop pestering us about it."

    And then never ever ever ask her to babysit for your potential future children, but it didn't sound like you were going to do that anyhow.

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  • I agree that your SIL is being pushy.

    We have a niece and a nephew for whom I/we babysit occasionally - in total, probably once to twice a month (some months not at all).  My sister and BIL do not pay me, but I would not accept it if they did.  Someday it will come back to us when we have kids.  Plus they always feed me, so it's a toss up.  Either way, I always offer my services.

    If my sister/SIL was expecting me to babysit her kids for free I would have a problem.  Just because you are related does not mean you am a free childcare service.  You and your husband are super busy and it is completely understandable that you want some time to yourself.  The fact that you babysit for another family (for money) is inconsequential.

    I'd say your husband needs to have a conversation with his sister about the situation.  That you both love your niece, but are very pressed for time and do not have a lot of time to spend together, let along babysitting.  You babysit for another family to earn some extra money due to a tight budget.  And that you would be happy to babysit (if you are) for a specific event that she has coming up, but that you cannot fit regular sitting into your schedule.  I personally would also have my husband talk about the guilt tripping because that I cannot stand (and my MIL uses it as a weapon quite frequently), but that's because it is a consistent problem with his family.  Whether you want to approach that is dependent on your specific family dynamics. 

  • As someone who has babysat, and who has asked family to sit, I think your SIL is completely selfish.

    I have asked family to sit, but only when I have been in a TRUE jam (both work-related "social functions").  And even then, I would fully understand if my family (mom, sis) have better things to do with their time!  If your SIL wants to go out on the town and MIL isn't avail, her SO can take over.  Or she can pay someone.

    If she ever said anything again, I'd tell her "sorry, we're not available to sit."  I wouln't even say "some time in the future,"  Give a flat out no. 

    When I had children, I lowered my expectations of going out, even with my partner (H).  There is no reason your SIL can't do the same.

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  • "I'd LOVE to! My next opening is the thirtieth, between 9 am and noon; and  I charge ten dollars an hour; when would you be dropping her off and picking her up? Also, I have the families provide diapers, wipes and food; and I charge time and a half if you're late. The deposit, if you want to set up something on a regular basis, is $500, payable in advance." 

    You do this for a living. Presume she means to do this on a business setting (of course she doesn't) and tell her, brightly and cheerfully, what you charge and what you expect from her.  

    Then, when she says she can't pay you, say, regretfully, "I'm sorry; we're so short of money ourselves, and  you know I do this for a living. Dh and  I just can't afford to give away my time; maybe MIL can help you out. "  

     

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  • Your SIL is definitely suffering from some sort of entitlement issue or she's just really bad at picking up cues from people.  You're going to have to be more direct with her.  Sue_Sue says it best.   

    I love love love babysitting my nieces and would do it whenever but I rarely (if ever) ask family members to watch my girls.  I'd hate to impose. 

    .
  • What a peach your SIL sounds like.

    I would not open the flood gate with this one.  When you want to see your niece, go visit her at MIL's house.

    And just ignore SIL.  And when she starts in on the babysitting crap say .... You know SIL, I get PAID to do that..... so that is "work" while I am in school.

    I loathe it when I see parents using their children to manipulate people.  Ugh.

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    I would address this with your SIL, or have your H do it, just to put an end to it. Something like, "SIL we appreciate that you trust us to watch your baby, but this is a really busy time for us between work and school. When we babysit for other children it is a job, a way for us to bring in some extra income. We would never feel right taking money for you, and with our free time being so limited we just don't feel we have time to babysit right now." 

     

    I agree with this. My SIL never asks us to babysit our neice, but DH goes to visit about once a week (he usually goes when I have other plans so I see her maybe once every other week). They too live at MIL's and use them for free babysitting.

    I would be annoyed if SIL assumed we would watch her for free all the time. As it is, I used to be upset that she never even asked us to watch her and now I am glad we don't have to because we are busy too.

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  • Thank you everyone for the advice!  I'm glad to know we're not mean people!  Dh will definitely be talking to her.  I know school ends after this upcoming week for dh and I (dh's last final is Saturday) but we're going out of town after that, then it's Christmas, then I'm booked the next week practically the whole time.  Dh and I are trying to avoid too many loans and honestly, as crazy as it sounds, babysitting helps! 
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  • Well, the most basic question is - is this a one-way street or is she willing to do something for you, too?

    Because it's kinda coming across like she wants free babysitting from you and everyone involved knows she's not going do a thing out of her way for you. Afterall, she's living with her mother and gets free child care all day - and now she's trying to shame you into free care some night.  Really leaves you motivates to help, right?

    Just invite her and her child over some night. Not to provide free care, to see them BOTH.  Otherwise, no, you are not a designated chump for her free child care needs.

    Frankly, her whole attitude is a HUGE turn-off to participate on any level. 

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  • image livinitup:

    Well, the most basic question is - is this a one-way street or is she willing to do something for you, too?

    Because it's kinda coming across like she wants free babysitting from you and everyone involved knows she's not going do a thing out of her way for you. Afterall, she's living with her mother and gets free child care all day - and now she's trying to shame you into free care some night.  Really leaves you motivates to help, right?

    Just invite her and her child over some night. Not to provide free care, to see them BOTH.  Otherwise, no, you are not a designated chump for her free child care needs.

    Frankly, her whole attitude is a HUGE turn-off to participate on any level. 

    Our apartment is not baby proof, which is why dh goes to MIL's to see niece, MIL, SIL, and his little sister and brother every week.  

    I was the one who, after Thanksgiving, posted about sitting at MIL's table and SIL was going someone where niece, boyfriend, and boyfriend's mom, and SIL came back inside and said "we need to leave this, it doesn't fit" and she was referring to the carseat.  Common sense doesn't run deep there.  

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  • image livinitup:

    Well, the most basic question is - is this a one-way street or is she willing to do something for you, too?

    Because it's kinda coming across like she wants free babysitting from you and everyone involved knows she's not going do a thing out of her way for you. Afterall, she's living with her mother and gets free child care all day - and now she's trying to shame you into free care some night.  Really leaves you motivates to help, right?

    Just invite her and her child over some night. Not to provide free care, to see them BOTH.  Otherwise, no, you are not a designated chump for her free child care needs.

    Frankly, her whole attitude is a HUGE turn-off to participate on any level. 

    Our apartment is not baby proof, which is why dh goes to MIL's to see niece, MIL, SIL, and his little sister and brother every week.  

    I was the one who, after Thanksgiving, posted about sitting at MIL's table and SIL was going someone where niece, boyfriend, and boyfriend's mom, and SIL came back inside and said "we need to leave this, it doesn't fit" and she was referring to the carseat.  Common sense doesn't run deep there.  

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  • image april77056:
    image livinitup:

    Well, the most basic question is - is this a one-way street or is she willing to do something for you, too?

    Because it's kinda coming across like she wants free babysitting from you and everyone involved knows she's not going do a thing out of her way for you. Afterall, she's living with her mother and gets free child care all day - and now she's trying to shame you into free care some night.  Really leaves you motivates to help, right?

    Just invite her and her child over some night. Not to provide free care, to see them BOTH.  Otherwise, no, you are not a designated chump for her free child care needs.

    Frankly, her whole attitude is a HUGE turn-off to participate on any level. 

    Our apartment is not baby proof, which is why dh goes to MIL's to see niece, MIL, SIL, and his little sister and brother every week.  

    I was the one who, after Thanksgiving, posted about sitting at MIL's table and SIL was going someone where niece, boyfriend, and boyfriend's mom, and SIL came back inside and said "we need to leave this, it doesn't fit" and she was referring to the carseat.  Common sense doesn't run deep there.  

    I wouldn't really worry about being judged by a woman who solves driving too many people around by not providing a car seat to her infant child.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • ah she was the carseat idiot.  Yeah I would do her no favors.  It REALLY sounds like all she wants is more free childcare.  She is mooching off mom and grandma, now she wants you guys to be at her beck and call as well.  Keep your boundaries firm, or offer to babysit and tell her your going rate ;)  Maybe that will shut her up.
    image
    Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
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