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Rate regret?

H has been in the Navy for over 2 years now, training to be a nuclear engineer. He is 3 weeks away from taking his final exam to be a reactor operator and 7 weeks away from graduating. This morning H had a meltdown, saying he wasn't sure that he made the right choice in choosing this program and he doesn't want to do this for 4 more years. Should he drop out of the program now he would be a conventional engineer (which he isn't sure he would be happy doing either), lose his hefty enlistment bonus, could get demoted and we would have no say as to where we would get stationed. I think if he dropped out now he would regret it, and I think he should finish what he has worked so hard for buuuut I want him to be happy in what he is doing. If he is miserable our marriage will be strained.

Has anyone else experienced their H having regrets about their job of choice? How did you handle it?

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Re: Rate regret?

  • I have a friend who's H does the same thing (I think) and he's done it for around 8ish years now. He really loves it, but it's draining like you wouldn't believe. His deployments are rough (yes, all are to different extents, but it's not great). The burnout rate is really high there too, which is why they get great bonuses, ect. If he isn't happy now, he needs to drop out and do something else. Don't get all the way through and be stuck.
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  • He needs to stick with it.  He made a commitment and he's getting a lot of benefits from it.  Four years really isn't that long.

     My ex was miserable in his job (he was enlisted too) and looking back, it was completely immature of me to coddle him and support his decision to not honor his commitments.  Not coincidentally, the same man who didn't honor commitments at work didn't honor commitments in marriage. 

    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • Oh and another thing. We're not even sure if they will allow him to drop out because his academic performance has been awesome. He is passing with flying colors, just being miserable while doing it.
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  • Those are a lot of big consequences if he does decide to drop out.  Being that close to being done, I think he's far better off to finish the program, but money doesn't buy happiness.

    Does he know what its going to be like when he actually starts doing this as a job or does he just speculate that he's not going to like it?

    I think you're right that he will end up regretting it long term if he quits now after so much time and work he's put into it.  And if you guys have made any financial decisions based on him receiving that bonus, are you both prepared to make the sacrifices needed if he doesn't receive it. 

    I say let him break down, support him, love him, and then have an honest discussion once he's not so exhausted.  GL!

  • It's also important to note that the training environment is nothing like the functional military.  To judge how the rest of his enlistment will be based solely on a training environment is ignorant.

    Four more years is nothing.

    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • He should stick with it.  It is possible the schooling is what he doesn't like about it.  He may end up liking it when when he gets to the fleet.  Plus, like Ojo said, it is only 4 years.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • image KellyAnn53:

    Does he know what its going to be like when he actually starts doing this as a job or does he just speculate that he's not going to like it?

    H is speculating, despite what other people have told him. In the past couple weeks I've had him talk to his LCPO, staff adviser and some of the teachers (all who went through the same program, and did the same job H is training for) and they all agreed while it is tough, they were happy they stuck with it. They said that out in the fleet it will be very different from the hellish school environment he is in now and that it is a once in a lifetime opportunity job that will open a lot of doors for him whenever he gets out.

    I am inclined to agree with them.


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  • He should definitely stick with it. DH was deployed with a guy who had  the same rate and after he got out he got a seriously AMAZING job. He really needs to stick with it!
  • image MrsOjoButtons:

    It's also important to note that the training environment is nothing like the functional military.  To judge how the rest of his enlistment will be based solely on a training environment is ignorant.

    Four more years is nothing.

    THISx10!     Training is SO different than actually working. 

    I agree with everybody else, he needs to stick with it!

  • image MrsOjoButtons:

    It's also important to note that the training environment is nothing like the functional military.  To judge how the rest of his enlistment will be based solely on a training environment is ignorant.

    Four more years is nothing.

    THISx10!     Training is SO different than actually working. 

    I agree with everybody else, he needs to stick with it!

  • Please forgive my ignorance. I really don't know anything about enlisted-ness at all. I'm confused a bit. My H works at the nuclear weapons center... so YH is going to be an engineer...? Does he have a Bach degree, or he's just getting this intensive training in this one area? I'm having trouble with logistics of the being an "engineer" but not having an engineering degree.

    I'm honestly not trying to be snarky, just confused.
    image Military Newlyweds FAQ Button
    I changed my name
  • image MrsOjoButtons:

    It's also important to note that the training environment is nothing like the functional military.  To judge how the rest of his enlistment will be based solely on a training environment is ignorant.

    Four more years is nothing.

    This this this. So much this. DH has had meltdowns like this in the past, and seriously I don't blame him. Death by Powerpoint is a horrible way to go, but now that he's in the fleet it's a whole different ball game. He only wishes the classroom teaching better reflected his actual job.

    I don't remember you mentioning anything like this before, but if this is the first time that this is happened, then call it cold feet. Just be supportive. Don't give in to his pessimism. Stay calm and reasonable and just help him get to the real thing before he makes any big decisions.

     

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  • Remind him that quitters never win.  Like Ojo said, 4 years is nothing.  That's especially true if the 4 years of suck will lead to great opportunities and a better life for you/your family.

  • Oh to answer your question, DH does sometimes regret his AFSC choice, he's 61SB (i think) which is a behavioral scientist, bit the AF sees "scientist" and put him in a job he never thought he'd be doing. But overall, he knows he likely won't be doing this specific job forever so he deals with it.
    image Military Newlyweds FAQ Button
    I changed my name
  • I agree with Ojo.  Stick it out, the training evironment is probably way more intense than his actual job will be.  Also, you have a lot stacked against you if he does drop out.  Would you be prepared to pay back his "hefty" enlistment bonus, lose rank,etc?  I'd just be supportive, but also be reasonable.  He's got all this time under his belt already-he's graduating in under 2 months AND he's rocking the program (it sounds like).  I think its unreasonable to drop out now.  Just my opinion though.

    M got really burnt out at the end of his training too, but it just pushed him to work hard and get through it.  He graduated #1. 

    Could he re-train after a year or two? 

     

  • My DH did not always enjoy EOD school. It's long, difficult, and the majority of people fail out or quit. That being said, he was committed, and graduated #1 in his class. 

    When he deployed I'll never forget the email I got. All it said was 

    "Babe, I just did my job "for real" for the first time and it was cool as f***!!" 

    Wait it out. Just let him finish school and then, if he's done it for a few years and given it a fair shot he still decides that he hates it, he can cross train. But don't give up all that time and training with less than two months left just because he *thinks* he'll hate it once he's in the operational service. 

  • He's an NCO and has never left the training environment...an E-4 with only two years of service.  That's one of the big differences between the services, but I can tell you with certainty that does not happen in the Air Force.  He's now considered a leader, so he needs to act like it.  Do the job he's been tasked to do, and do it to the best of his ability.
    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • He needs to stick it out.  We've all had moments, especially in training, where we thought we screwed up.  I never thought I'd be doing 12 mile ruck marches or hefting 100+ lb weapons on top of trucks.  I do. 

    Just keep telling him  he can do it.  Tell him it will all work out in the end.  He started this, he needs to finish it. 

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  • I agree with everyone saying he needs to stick it out, that training is very different than the real job and that he is looked up to as a leader, so many to agree with that I cannot quote them all...

    We haven't had a meltdown, heck we haven't even hit boot camp yet, but we had this discussion when he chose his rate, that yes, it is going to be a possible 24 months of training and holds, that yes he is going to be frustrated at times during that training because he is in a classroom or on a computer simulator, BUT that he needs to put everything he has into it so that he is ready for his job, and we made a deal that we were in this together and I'd support him and kick him in the a$$ if ever came a time he needed it, so wifey-up and encourage him, support him and help him remember why he joined the Navy and why he took the rate he did = )

  • Tell him not to drop out, the fleet is totally different then the training enviornment and he should at least do the job in the fleet before he chooses to stay in the rate or drop out the rate.

    If after four years he doesn't like it then maybe he can look into doing something else, just tell him to stick it out he might be surprised at what happens when he does get to the fleet.

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  • what DOES he want to do? There are a ton of career paths within the Navy. Does he want to kill people, blow things up... work a desk?

    There are things he can pursue without quitting now. Also, once he gets out of the school environment he will be better prepared to make a choice.

     

  • image ARMYmarriedNAVY:

    what DOES he want to do? There are a ton of career paths within the Navy. Does he want to kill people, blow things up... work a desk?

    There are things he can pursue without quitting now. Also, once he gets out of the school environment he will be better prepared to make a choice.

     

    He has no idea. I'm going to have him call his father tonight, that man can talk sense into anyone. It's hard for H to accept my opinion about military stuff because I'm not in the Navy and "don't understaaaaaaand"

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